Chapter Two Sophie
Today is my day off from my beautiful thriving business, Daisy’s Ink.
I’ve got about three other artists that work for me and am looking to hire a fourth one.
With all my babies and this one on the way I want to have some more time to just be home with them especially after everything that has happened.
It is so hard to trust anyone right now.
Not only has the club brought these people into our lives that have attacked us left and right, but now they have taken three precious things from me.
My mama was a beautiful woman and she was only 51 years old.
She went to pick up the twins from preschool that day because Toby was running late because he had a change in his schedule at the shop.
So he had to call my mama to go pick them up.
I love Toby and I know that I would not have wanted this fate for him either, he is my life, my safe place, but if he had been there on time and picked up the kids would these monsters have had the opportunity to take out my mama and grab two of my babies?
My mind is full of all these what ifs and I don’t even know if my kids are alive or what is being done to save them.
All I get is it is club business, which is bullshit.
I can’t handle not knowing what is going on with my babies.
It is tearing me up inside and it is making me even angrier with my family for not telling me anything.
This is part of why I have shut them all out.
I am dealing with the loss of my mama, two of my kids being who knows where and being used for who knows what, being pregnant, and not knowing how I feel about my family anymore.
My husband has been my best friend since before I can remember, but that dynamic changed when we decided to act on our feelings at 14 and become more than friends.
He has been my everything since then and I have never once looked at it and doubted him or that he is the one for me.
I just can’t comprehend how any of these people who claim to love me so much can keep me in the dark so long about what is going on.
I get there are things they cannot tell me, but giving me some hope about what is going on with my children is something they should not keep from me.
It is stressing me out and I am an emotional mess right now.
Add everything on to the fact that I am five months pregnant, my husband should be here, our family should be together, but I just don’t know how to feel.
I allow him to come see the kids, but I try to remain scarce when he is here.
He also comes with me when I have doctor appointments.
The man always told me he wanted a large family like the one I have and the one he has, but I never thought he would try and keep me knocked up forever.
Today I am in my art studio in the back of the house trying to work through my emotions.
I love art in all forms, today I am painting on canvases.
When we had our home built on club land, Toby made sure that we had loads of space and privacy.
We have our own drive that you can only get to from the opposite side of the gate.
The security we have is crazy and I understand why it is necessary and very thankful for it, that is why the kids have stayed on club land since this has happened, the school has been so understanding and providing myself and my mother-in-law with everything to help finish the school year.
I don’t really let the kids go to the clubhouse anymore either, the only exception is Delaney when I need to work she goes to the daycare set up there and she is with ol’ ladies that I trust.
Today my in-laws Rocky and Annie decided they wanted to take Delaney to their house on club land and have her for the night.
They even offered to take the other kids after they finished schoolwork at their house since it is the weekend.
I agreed to let them have them knowing that they are secure in the gate of the property and Rocky has as much security as we do because of Wiz.
I thought about having Ella and Jamie over, but I just don’t want to be around anyone today.
I am really feeling it today and my emotions are everywhere, it has officially been four months without my mama and without my little angels.
So I am going to paint and just keep to myself today.
Maybe I can start selling my paintings again. That was something I have done in the past and we do have a nice savings from it. Since I’m hiding away in my art studio it would be the perfect time to work out some new work that I could sell.
I do need to send a message to Toby about the kids staying with his parents today so he will not have to come to the house to see them.
Hopefully he will not come by then if the kids are not here.
I know this time apart has been hard, but I am just having a hard time not blaming him or my brothers for what has gone on with our family and with my kids.
I even have a hard time talking with my sisters.
I just don’t have the trust I need right now and I am so hurt and overwhelmed.
I don’t know if I will let Toby back into our home or our bed, I miss him like crazy and I know he misses me too, you can see it in his eyes when he is here.
That is one of the reasons why I don’t believe those fucking whores when they are running their mouths about him taking them to our apartment in the clubhouse or even going with them to their room.
Toby has never been like that, I know he wouldn’t start now, but we are going through a rough patch and being pregnant with everything going on I am insecure.
I know I asked him to stay away and I have made sure I am not around because being around him makes me angry.
There are so many things I blame him for right now, logical or not.
I miss my mother, I miss my babies and the club, my family and Toby are to blame for everything that has happened.
Then they are keeping things from me about what is happening.
I have no idea what they are doing to get my babies back.
My father, my brothers and my husband will tell me nothing.
Toby and I have had very few secrets in our relationship, most of them have to do with the club.
Some of the secrets I have been keeping started after this whole thing went down, I don’t feel like I need to tell him anything because of the fact he has kept me in the dark on so many things.
I feel like a shadow of myself right now, just going through the motions.
I feel a chunk of myself is missing. I pull out my phone to send my message.
Me: Toby, the kids will be spending the weekend at your parents house. They won’t be coming home after they get their schoolwork done. Your mama asked to have them this weekend. So if you want to come over to see them, you can head over there. I will be painting this weekend.
I don’t even get a chance to put my phone down before it beeps.
Toby: hey baby, the kids will be going over to my parents house for the weekend. You and I need to talk.
Seems that he and I are very in tune. Other than needing to talk.
Which I don't. I need my space from everyone related to this club, rational or not.
If they are not going to find my babies I will see what I can find.
Not only am I a great artist, no bragging happening here, but I am also really great with computers.
I should’ve done this months ago, but I just assumed these assholes would have gotten my babies back by now.
Well fuck it if I am going to wait anymore.
I have been working with the Sirens too to learn anything new about computers I can.
As well as asked them to put me through their training for new recruits.
However, being pregnant I can’t really do the physical training yet.
That will have to wait til after I give birth.
Me: we do not have anything to talk about right now Toby. I told you I need space from the club, from you.
I put my phone down and walk back to my art studio where I can finish my paintings.
When I get to the door to begin closing it, I hear the front door open and then the sound of motorcycle boots walking around the house.
Which only means that either Toby or my family has shown up.
Well they can find me if they want. I am going back to my painting hopefully in peace.
As I pick up the paintbrush and begin putting it to the canvas the door to my studio opens.
I do not bother to turn around, I know who it is, my body is in tune to his, even if I don’t want it to be.