Sass Shay
“Hello?”
Walking down the stairs, I had to squint at the sunlight pouring in through the windows.
I couldn’t tell when I finally fell asleep, but I woke up with a wig on my face and a fake eyelash glued to my forehead.
It wasn’t the first time… I smiled. It wouldn’t be the last either.
I had made a deal with myself: Mabel would be a guest star in the sitcom of my life.
She’d be the perfect supporting character while I stood in the spotlight.
“I’m going to drink all your whisky,” I called. There was no thumping of feet as Seamus charged into the dining room to protect his precious liquor.
I followed the smell of coffee and found a single empty mug next to a full coffee maker.
Under it, Patrick had scribbled a quick note.
“Going to Pride. Don’t miss out.” I had been dreading this day since Dorothy dropped that flier on the table.
Now? I felt as if I might have a spark of pride in my chest. It’d be an equal part apology tour and shirtless extravaganza.
I poured a cup of coffee and reached for my phone. I wanted to let Patrick know he could expect me, and if I made it in time, I’d join them on the float. Tapping the screen, I remembered I had shut it off. With a click, I hit the power button.
Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
A flood of texts rolled in as I sipped piping hot coffee.
Omar: Girl, where are you? We’re having a party!
Ryan: Chris is shirtless!
Omar: Jon stole my heels.
Photos ensued. The bears and the queens had turned Valhalla into a house of debauchery. I laughed at Lacie riding Charlie like a pony. I wanted to believe they were drunk, but this could just as easily have been a sober night in for the Glitterati.
“Wait.”
I zoomed in.
“Sammy?” It was only the lower half of his face, but I recognized that beard.
I could almost smell it every time he walked into the room.
It wasn’t the facial hair that caught my attention, it was the abundance of glitter body spray and his lips.
Magenta. Last time I checked, his lips were the color of a pink rose.
Had I misinterpreted his statement? In his world, did “too much” translate differently?
I scrolled back, desperate to see if he had responded.
A shriek from a car horn cut through the silence.
The coffee sloshed over the side, spilling onto the floor.
I set my phone down and searched for a dishcloth.
I pulled the brown rag off the front of the stove, dropped it, and cleaned up my mess.
I reached for my phone and stopped as the horn continued screeching.
Seamus and Patrick lived on the outskirts of town, and I couldn’t imagine who had shown up to make a ruckus.
Disco music?
I shoved my phone into my pocket and tossed the rag into the sink.
Cautiously, as if a leisure-suit-wearing killer might appear, I crept down the hallway to the front door.
I was shocked to see Edward’s pickup truck, but I couldn’t see him in the driver’s seat, not with a feather headdress blocking him.
“What the hell?”
I opened the door to the sound of screaming queens. Three had shoved into the passenger seat while half a dozen stood in the truck bed. As I emerged, confetti cannons fired, and the truck rocked from their jumping up and down.
“Girl!” Lace shouted. “Think you could hide from this?”
They struck a pose. Lace made sure to show off her abs.
I commended them on their scandalous and revealing burlesque outfits, but I couldn’t figure out why they had left downtown to find me.
They wielded oversized feather fans like professional showgirls.
I laughed when the feathers in the cab cleared, and I spotted Rose behind the wheel.
I bit my lip as I realized the General had masterminded this show.
“We come bearing gifts,” Lace shouted.
“A sexy one.” Anita Cox blew me a kiss.
They were more confusing than normal. “What are you talking about?”
The oversized fans fluttered, and one by one they pulled away.
In the middle of the truck stood a new, bearded queen.
Her curls reminded me of a bad perm, but the dress hugged her curvy form.
If the broad shoulders didn’t grab your attention, the slit halfway up the thigh would.
I assumed Ryan had found himself a new boy toy and dragged him along.
We had several queens who refused to shave; instead, their beards looked like glitter bombs had gone off.
Wait. I recognized that beard.
“Sammy?”
“The Glitterati Guild presents,” Lace shouted at the top of her lungs, “Sass Shay!”
Sammy bowed when Anita smacked him in the chest. “Like a lady.” Together, they curtsied while the rest of the queens tested the hydraulics of the truck. Clapping and shrieking ensued.
“Girls, we need an entrance,” Lace said.
As I walked down the steps and along the stone pavers, they opened the tailgate.
They ushered Sammy… Sass to the back, and with a loud heave, they lifted her off her feet and onto the gravel driveway.
I couldn’t help but snort. Despite a truly over-the-top dress, Sammy had opted for the safety of sneakers. I hoped his socks had more kittens.
I marveled at the perfect cat eye makeup and contours that transformed his round face into sharp, jagged angles.
He looked like a stunning queen, beard and all.
The out-of-place element was the lack of bravado and over-the-top confidence.
He might look the part, but he hadn’t embraced his inner diva.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“Speak a little louder,” Sue Flay chimed in.
We were doing this in front of an audience.
He blew a curl off his face. “I’ve known.”
“Known what?”
“I recognized Mabel Syrup’s smirk.”
My eyebrow shot up. If he had figured it out, then that meant… all this time… I had feared him finding out about my alter ego, and he knew? Every time I dodged a conversation, he already knew the reason?
“He’s processing,” Lace commented.
“I knew at Jason’s house you didn’t want to talk about it. Your friends are great, but they’re not exactly subtle. I didn’t want to push.” He flashed a smile while my jaw remained slack. “I overheard the conversation with Gladys.”
“Oh.” I hung my head down. “About that…”
I dropped my chin, staring at the gravel.
He hooked my chin with a sharpened press-on fingernail.
He pushed until I met him eye-to-eye. It might have been the mascara, but those eyes burned through any apology I could muster.
He might think these girls were over-the-top, but he joined in the chaos to prove a point.
“The world needs Mabel.” He leaned close enough that his breath washed over my skin. “It needs Mike.” His words dropped to a whisper. “After meeting your friends, they love you, all of you.”
“Stop whispering,” Hella begged.
“I want to meet you… the real you.”
“Do the thing,” Lace shouted. All the queens cheered as if they would break out into a choreographed dance.
I was about to tell them to hush when Sammy hooked a foot around mine. Pushing with his shoulder, I stumbled and his hand shot behind my waist. They taught him to dip… sort of. I could hear the “Oh, shit” as we continued a slow descent to the gravel. For the second time, Sammy dropped me.
His eyes widened as we lay there, frozen.
It started as a chuckle. A second later, both of us were roaring with laughter.
Our story had started on the ground; it might as well get another visit.
Hovering over me, his curls brushed against my face.
The butterflies in my gut had moved to my heart, and I didn’t know what to say.
Sammy kissed me, removing the need for words.
While the Glitterati Guild continued their chant, I only wanted to focus on the burly man.
Sammy had been willing to step out of his comfort zone to guide me into mine.
I wrapped my arms around him tighter, biting his bottom lip to keep him from pulling away.
I wanted to ask if he had talked to Omar last night. Had it been his idea? Or had it started with him wanting a conversation, and the Glitterati turned it into a spectacle? Sammy pulled back, and Sass’s lipstick had smeared across his face. I think I knew the answer.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“So.” He sat back on his knees. “Dammit, I broke a nail.” Anita would have Sass’s nails repaired, and makeup reapplied before they left the driveway.
“As I was saying.” His smirk came with a mischievous wiggle of the eyebrows. “I know how Firefly likes to meddle, so I might have done something. Swear, it’s all good intentions.”
“Yeah… go on.”
“I called Evelyn, and Evelyn talked to Gladys.” He didn’t. I could only imagine the sharp words she had for me. I cringed at the impending lecture about manners and proper etiquette. “There’s a sash and scepter waiting for you.”
Not what I was expecting. “Really?”
Sammy—Sass—nodded with a smile beaming from ear to ear.
“I’m going to head out with the guild,” he said. “You don’t need distractions while getting ready. But, girl—” He laughed at himself. “—you need to fix yourself.”
“Honey,” Anita said, “go put your face on. We have a parade to save.”
Sammy shot up and offered me a hand. He pulled me to my feet and gave me a quick peck on the nose.
He jingled as he dashed to the back of the truck.
It took three of them to pull him in. Anita closed the gate, and Lace smacked the roof.
I barely had time to blink before the truck pulled down Seamus’s winding driveway.
Along with the others, Sammy blew kisses before being swallowed by the glitz and glam of queens who were indeed too much.
“What the hell just happened?”
They vanished down the road in a blur of dust. I didn’t know what made me swoon more, Sammy stepping into my world of fabulousness, or that he enlisted Firefly to make it happen.
I had made peace with my alter ego; we were once again on speaking terms. It almost felt as if her spirit settled into my body, and I stood with one hip jutting out.
“Sweet, sweet child. It’s time to give them a show.”