Finally Ready #2
The parade had reached its conclusion, and the green bustled with energy as locals and flatlanders alike joined in the festivities.
Firefly’s high school band continued playing show tunes, and the Glitterati had put on an impromptu—meaning they rehearsed for weeks—performance on the stage.
The Pride committee should pat themselves on the back; they had succeeded.
Our flash mob turned into a disaster. It only took one shimmy that should have been a shake for Jason to collide with Jon, and they went tumbling.
By the end of the song, a dozen people were rolling around in the grass.
Gloria continued twerking hard enough that I feared for her hips.
The audience cheered when Chris joined her.
I’m pretty sure that’d go in the history books.
Through the crowd, I spotted a haphazard drag queen sitting on a park bench with my grandmother.
I stopped on the path, smiling at the way he and Rose went back and forth in a rapid conversation.
She laughed hard enough that I swore I could hear her over the crowd.
Seeing two of my favorite people sitting together warmed my heart, but it also brought a sense of dread.
“Pull up those panties, Mabel.” I had apologies that needed saying.
Surrounded by people celebrating living their authentic selves, it almost felt foolish how I had run from myself. Instead of learning to coexist, I tried shoving a part of who I was into the closet.
But first…
I trudged up the path, veering onto the grass. Each step had my heels sinking into the soil. The smart thing would be to take them off, but so help me, I would not ruin a good outfit for the sake of nature. I prayed my ankles survived the trek.
Rose spotted me and waved. She’d have gladly moved past what happened and forgiven me. Gladys had done it, though she made it clear I owed her. This time, I needed to come clean, partly for Rose and even Sammy, but most of all for myself.
“The queen herself,” Sammy said.
One of his eyelashes had fallen off, and his makeup hadn’t survived the heat, but that made him even cuter.
I still couldn’t believe he let the Glitterati treat him like a Barbie and dress him up.
Whatever apprehension I had about revealing myself had gone out the window when he applied his cherry blossom lipstick.
Rose stood.
“Wait,” I said. “I need to apologize.”
I waited for her to shrug it off or tell me not to worry. “Go on.”
Rose played hardball. I deserved nothing less. I took a deep breath, thinking of all the love Rose and Edward had given me since I walked through that door. There had been no questions, no lectures, just patience and grace.
“You were right,” I started. “I needed to find my candy striper moment.”
“And?” Rose, my loving grammy, proved why we called her the General.
“You didn’t raise me to be a jerk. I shouldn’t have lost my temper, especially when it had nothing to do with Gladys. I’m sorry.”
She held still for a moment, and I wasn’t sure I had done enough. Did I grovel and apologize for bringing shame to her household? She gave me a pat on the shoulder as she walked by.
“Have fun with your little friend.”
I got the flash of a smile, the only sign she accepted my apology. There was no hug, no forgiveness. Rose acknowledged it, filed it away. She didn’t let me off the hook, but she didn’t linger. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that if the situation should ever arise again, I’d do better.
“Have a seat next to your little friend.” Sammy patted the space on the bench.
I took the last lethal steps to the bench and plopped down. I tried folding my legs like a proper lady, but my testicles refused to cooperate. The lack of a dance belt required careful tucking. Lesson learned: never travel without the basics. I resorted to crossing my ankles and leaning back.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Sammy said.
“Two tired queens.” I chuckled. “Are you wearing this to investor meetings?”
“Only if the glam squad shows up for every meeting.”
I almost laughed at the way his legs had spread.
He continued pushing his dress down between his legs to prevent flashing the crowd.
While I appreciated his willingness to embrace my world, I doubted I’d see him in drag again.
Knowing it was a one-time event made the gesture even more meaningful.
Sammy made a splash, and I’d never forget him springing out from behind the fans.
“The dress is liberating.”
“The airflow,” I said.
“No pockets.” He patted his sides. “I finally understand.”
“You’re evolving.”
The conversation went silent, the awkwardness settling in like an old friend.
I watched a kid walk by with his face poorly painted like a cat…
I think. Despite the bad makeup, he dragged his mom along the green, heading toward Carl’s tent.
In the distance, his rainbow chainsaw roared.
I had no idea what he intended to carve from the log.
“Want to take in the festivities?”
Deep breath. “You’re not fazed by this?” I gestured to the dress.
“It’s who you are.”
He said it as if it were the most casual statement.
I had spent the last couple of weeks chasing a question I couldn’t articulate.
I took one problem and created another. Instead of looking inward, I let my relationship with Sammy override the tough conversations.
If I had been honest and let him see all of me, perhaps I would have reached the conclusion without the panic in between.
“I need to get something off my chest.”
Sammy rested his hands in his lap, keeping silent.
If it were anybody else, I might have taken the gesture and run with it.
He had been honest with me about the struggle with his father and invited me into the curiosity of his sexuality; I owed him a conversation.
More than that, I needed to say it out loud for myself.
“I retired Mabel a couple of weeks ago.” I paused. There were a thousand voices running through my head. The feelings were plenty, but the words were harder to come by. “I felt like she had taken over my life. I put her away so I could figure out who I am without her.”
No nod. No reaction at all.
“She’s been my shield for as long as I can remember.
My voice. My bravery. Whenever life got complicated, she’d fix the mess.
What started as a persona for the stage turned into a defense mechanism.
I blamed her as if she were another person.
” I scoffed at the comment. “It had been easier to act as if she were an alter ego with her own motivations.”
Saying it out loud made me blush. It had been a foolish attempt to avoid the real problem. Pointing fingers came easier than asking the hard questions.
“Then we met.” His eyes widened. “I didn’t think you’d understand, and things were…
I like what this is… or what it’s becoming.
” This felt like a schoolchild trying to explain himself to his first crush.
“I hid the truth because I thought you might think of me differently. Sorry for the assumption.”
I paused for a stifled sob. In the middle of a town celebrating Pride, I had dimmed my own, and for what? All the chances I had to speak my truth, and I took the coward’s way out. It stopped here.
“This is who I am.”
Sammy’s head dipped, and he focused on his hands.
I didn’t know how he’d react to a confession.
I repeated the words in my head. This is who I am.
Every time it grew bolder, I couldn’t help but sit a little taller.
At first, I thought it’d risk my relationship with Sammy, but if it did, at least I lived my truth.
“No wig… no makeup… could hide that face.”
My cheeks burned as his smile formed.
“I wanted to ask,” he said. “But I think there are some things we need to figure out on our own.”
His words weren’t for me alone. We had both given each other space, and I wondered if it had been too much. When did space become distance? He had opened the door. It was time to ask the question that had been burning in my gut since our first night together.
“Thank you.” I placed a hand on his. “I wanted to ask—”
“Mabel!”
The voice cut through the air and knocked the question from the tip of my tongue. For a moment, it was as if nothing outside this bench existed. As Lucas came running, it ended our conversation with a comma, not a period.
“You’re back! You’re back!”
Lucas charged forward while Jason and Simon struggled to keep up. I jumped to my feet and prepared for the tiny man to lunge. Arms stretched out, I caught him and lifted him off the ground. I fought to stay upright as my heels aerated the grass. With one spin, I set him back on his feet.
“He never lets me pick him up,” Jason said.
“It’s hard being this magnificent.” I turned to Lucas. “My tiny king, how are you?”
“Where did you go?” Lucas had the energy of a nuclear power plant. He almost vibrated. “I missed you.”
“Don’t tell anybody.” I leaned close, whispering. “I was in Vanguard helping Sentinel.” His eyes went wide. “But shh, that’s our little secret. I’ll tell you all about it at the next reading hour.”
“Spare Dad will take me.”
I laughed. Jason hadn’t lied. “Your dad and spare dad are pretty amazing.”
“Mabel, let’s go see the band.” He snatched my hand, ready to drag me along the green. He paused and eyed Sammy. For a moment his eyes narrowed while he decided if Sammy in drag would go in the friend column. “Your special friend can come.”
I turned to Sammy. “What do you say, special friend?”
He clambered to his feet and held out his hand. “Let’s see a man about a chainsaw.”
“He won’t even hold my hand to cross the street,” Jason said in disbelief.
“I can’t help it if we’re fabulous,” I said with a wink.
Off we went, one confession down, one to go.