Chapter 20 #2
Josh rolled his eyes, but I caught the small twitch of a smile. ‘Fine. But if I get another drink thrown at me, you’re paying for my dry-cleaning.’
‘Deal.’
It wasn’t a perfect resolution, but it was a start.
Josh looked at his mug, then quietly said, ‘Truth is, Evie, I don’t really see Megan unless you’re around. You’re the glue. Without you, we just… drift.’
That made sense. In fact, I had long suspected that that was the truth.
Megan was my sister and Josh was my friend from university.
The fact was we had become a trio was because I connected the two of them.
But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a good friendship, or that it didn’t deserve a little TLC to maintain.
Softly, because he needed to hear it, I said, ‘You know when I go… she’s going to be the only one here who really knows you like I do.’
He glanced at me, something shifting in his eyes.
‘Don’t throw that away too, okay?’
He didn’t say anything for a moment, then casually, ‘It’s Canada, not the moon. You’ll visit. Or I’ll visit. Or we’ll both learn how to text.’
I smiled, but it caught at the edges. ‘Sure.’
Josh nudged my foot with his. ‘Don’t get all weepy on me now.’
‘I’m not,’ I lied. ‘You are.’
‘You’re gonna leave, and Megan’s gonna throw drinks at me, and I’m going to have no one to split movie marathons with. It’s tragic, really.’
‘It is,’ I said, letting the quiet settle around us again. ‘But I’ll miss you.’
‘Yeah,’ he said quietly. ‘Me too.’
And, just like that, the joke faded – but the truth stayed.
I didn’t want to dampen the mood, though. ‘If you can make it up with Megan by Christmas Day, so I can spend Christmas with Denise and Bob without the risk of someone launching a roast potato at your head, that would be even better actually.’
‘She wouldn’t throw a roast potato; she’d throw the scalding hot fat.’
‘Dark.’
‘It’s Megan. She’s ruthless.’
‘But she’s our Megan.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘Okay, you’re laying it on thick now.’
‘Sorry.’
We settled into a comfortable silence and I enjoyed the feeling of having the weight lifted off my chest. That was one friend back in my contacts. I’ll sort Megan next, but first I wanted to savour the relief.
‘I haven’t asked.’ I yawned, feeling my own tiredness now the moment was beginning to pass. ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’
Josh didn’t move at first. He slurped his drink noisily, suddenly becoming very interested in getting his toe to rest neatly into a crevice of his coffee table.
‘I dunno,’ he mumbled eventually. ‘It’s kind of depressing really, to be the self-proclaimed King of Christmas – or Queen – and not have anywhere to go on the actual day.’
He gave a mock regal wave and swatted it away.
‘I’ve certainly made up for all those missed years of festivities growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness. At least in my career. My personal life.’ He waved his hand in the air and made a ‘meh’ sound as if giving it a five out of ten on some judging score.
‘What about Zach? No trip to Paris to practise your French?’
Josh let out a short, humourless laugh. ‘Ah, that! Well, that is over and done with. There’s nothing quite like walking in on the man you’re seeing having sex with his husband to really drive home that you’re the problem.’
I winced. ‘Shit!’
‘No, it’s fine. I mean, how dare they not pause mid-thrust to consider my feelings, right?’
I tried not to laugh. It wasn’t funny… but it kind of was. That’s one way to learn your lesson, I supposed. But I wasn’t telling Josh that.
‘There’s really no way to be the wronged party in a situation like that. I had no right to be angry, no real claim to be hurt. Just a front-row seat to my own terrible life choices.’
I reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. ‘That sounds brutal.’
He shook out his shoulders, as if releasing the ‘ick’ from the situation. ‘Yeah, well. Being the mistress in a romcom really makes you question everything. A lot. And it turns out the answer is: I was an idiot.’
‘You’re not,’ I began, but he cut me off with a shake of his head.
‘Oh, I am the idiot. His husband was hot! I completely picked the wrong man.’
I couldn’t help but laugh. His delivery was sometimes so spot on, but it didn’t mean I missed the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. There was a shine to them that hadn’t been there a minute ago.
‘I’m really sorry that he wasn’t your happily-ever-after.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ He shrugged, sucking his teeth noisily. ‘Besides, I was hardly going to get to spend Christmas Day with Zach, since he had to keep up the facade with his family. So no harm done, really.’
‘Oh, babe.’ The guilt of not clocking that earlier was like a kick in the stomach.
Josh waved it off with a tilt of his head. ‘It’s fine. It’ll be just like when I was younger: no Christmas, no presents, no midnight mass. Just me, a fry-up, and a lot of Christmas TV.’
His words were hollow, but his voice was light.
It was a well-practised speech, and that hurt like a cut across the throat.
I’d spent my entire life terrified of being alone, of waking up one day and realising I had no one left – it was why I had pushed people away, why I acted as if I was fine when I wasn’t.
Because the thought of needing someone and then losing them was unbearable.
Josh, on the other hand, had spent his entire childhood already knowing what it felt like to be alone. He’d spent most of his childhood without any kind of celebration at all. Now in adulthood he had even less; being gay wasn’t exactly welcome within his family’s community.
And now, as much as he tried to fill that void with baubles and fairy lights, there was still a part of him that believed, deep down, that he didn’t deserve it.
‘Or…’ I began, an idea forming. ‘You could come back to Kent with me?’
‘What?’
‘Why not?’ I said, suddenly excited. ‘Come with me to Pim’s show on Christmas Eve, and we’ll travel down together that evening.’
‘Really? Are you serious?’
‘Of course I bloody am. I’m not leaving you alone on Christmas Day.’
‘What about…’ He trailed off, clearly thinking of Megan.
‘Leave Megan to me. Denise and Bob will love having you. They’ve got pillows, blankets, and the air mattress.’
He whimpered. ‘Maybe a hotel?’
‘Good luck finding a hotel room this close to Christmas!’ I pointed out. ‘Come on, come down to Kent and rough it with me in my teenage bedroom.’
‘Still, what about…’
‘Megan will be fine. She’s a grown-ass woman and, since she was the one that was insistent that I make the most of my last Christmas in London, this is what I want. All my loved ones, my family, in a room with me at Christmas.’
Josh swallowed, wiping his stubbly face again – probably realising how unkempt he had become in the days since discovering Zach going at it with his husband.
‘I love you, you know.’
‘Then never give me the silent treatment again.’
‘I’ll just call you when I know it’s 3 a.m. in Canada, get my own back.’
‘You’re never going to forget I woke you up, are you?’
‘Never.’ He pulled me in for a long and smothering hug. ‘One day, when you’re least expecting it, I will get my revenge, Evie Frost. Just you wait.’