Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CLARA
Icould kill Isabella.
It took everything in me to throw caution aside and lean in, and now all I want is to get back to that moment. Especially with the way Alejandra is looking at me, like she wants it as much as I do. But Isabella’s interruption feels like the universe screaming at me to back off.
I’m not even the kind of person who reads into signs, but when it happens twice in twenty-four hours? It’s hard not to. Maybe I’m not supposed to have this; it’s as if the world’s trying to rip it out of my hands before I even get to hold it.
“Hello?” Alejandra says, her voice low and concerned, like she’s been trying to get my attention.
I blink a few times, pulling myself back to the moment.
“Clara, are you okay?” she asks, but all I can focus on is the breathiness with which she says my name.
I nod, unable to do anything else.
“Are you sure?” Alejandra laces her fingers carefully through my hair.
“I—” I say before my throat completely closes. My heart is pounding against my rib cage.
Alejandra’s hazel eyes are staring so intensely into mine that I forget every word I’ve ever spoken, and I finally understand what it feels like to be lost entirely in someone’s eyes.
She lowers her hands to the nape of my neck, lightly dragging her fingers through my hair, sending every inch of my body into overdrive.
I do my best to control my breathing, trying to get back into the carelessness I felt before, and lean in. But I can’t. My heart pounds faster every time I think about it, and no matter how much I want to, my brain won’t let me.
“It’s—” I try to swallow the lump in my throat so I can speak, but it won’t budge. “It’s nothing.” I force the words past and take in a big breath before stepping back and letting go of Alejandra’s waist. I close my eyes, trying to ignore the tingle in my fingers. “I think I need air.”
I squeeze her hand and walk toward the balcony, ignoring Patty yelling for me not to leave the dance floor.
Alejandra trails after me. I don’t know if I want her to, but I don’t say anything.
The second I step out, I take in a deep breath and lean against the railing. Alejandra’s arms wrap around my waist, and immediately, my muscles relax. I’ll never understand how her touch can have this effect.
“I’m sorry,” she says, leaning into my back.
“About?” I chuckle lightly and turn to look at her, confused. What could she possibly be sorry for?
“I don’t know. I worry I made you uncomfortable back there,” she says, not looking back at me.
I gently lift Alejandra’s chin until her eyes meet mine. The moment they lock, something in me settles. My panic softens, and instinctively, I slip into best-friend mode, wanting to fix whatever weirdness bubbled up between us. That steadiness makes it easier to speak.
“No, you didn’t, you could never.”
“Then what happened?”
I trail my thumbs along her hip, trying to calm myself before speaking, rubbing over the silk of her shirt, but it isn’t working. Fuck, why is silk her favorite fabric? Why can’t she wear something that doesn’t make me want to rub myself all over her? Like wool or polyester.
“Please . . . just tell me,” she whispers.
“I’m nervous. What happens after? What if we realize it was a big mistake, and things get weird?”
“What if they don’t? What if it’s amazing?” Alejandra counters. But even though I want to believe her—I do—my instincts won’t let me.
“That doesn’t scare you?” The tension from earlier starts to creep back in, bubbling under my skin, radiating through me in slow waves.
“It does.” She steps closer. “A lot, but I also want to give whatever this is a shot.”
“But why? You never have before—why now?” I ask, almost desperate for the answer. Wanting it to change my mind.
“I don’t know, it feels right. Maybe you don’t, but I’ve finally realized that everyone was right.
You’re a lot more than my best friend, and I want to explore that.
We don’t have to move fast, we don’t have to do anything now.
We can feel it out.” Alejandra steps forward, sending my heartbeat thundering in my chest.
How can she say all this out loud as if it’s nothing, as if it’s easy?
I’ve been tangled up in this for years, trapped in my own head, too scared to say anything, too afraid of what it might ruin.
And here she is, laying it all out like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
I don’t know whether I’m in awe of her or downright terrified, but with the way my heart is thrumming against my chest, I think it’s the latter.
“What if we mess up our friendship?”
“That could never happen,” she murmurs as she inches closer.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” She smiles so confidently that I almost believe her.
But still, I can’t risk it. Not when I don’t know what it will do to us or me.
Not when everything could change with a single kiss.
What if I kiss her and she realizes she doesn’t feel the same?
What if this moment, this thing between us, disappears the second I do it? I don’t think I could handle that.
Alejandra slips her hand into mine and gives it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. The fear doesn’t vanish, but it softens enough to breathe again.
“Do you promise?” I ask nervously, giving her one last chance to stop me before I cross this line, because with everything she’s saying, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself. I can feel my apprehension waning with every step she takes and every reassuring word she says.
She brings my hand to her lips and whispers, “I promise” against my skin before pressing a featherlight kiss to my knuckles. My heart tightens, and a swarm of butterflies stirs in my chest.
I cup her face gently, without thinking, purely on instinct. I brush my thumb against her bottom lip, and my breath comes in quicker than before.
“I shouldn’t,” I breathe, even as my body forgets how to mean it.
“Tell me to stop and I will,” Alejandra says, her voice catching at the end.
Her eyes lock on to mine with such intensity that it makes the decision far easier as a wave of desire comes over me. And finally, after all these years of wanting and waiting, I give in, leaving behind the logic that’s tried so hard to protect me.
Alejandra gasps as I pull her closer. When my lips touch hers, I feel the air crackle, and all my doubts and worries fade, along with every last bit of willpower left in my body.
She steps closer, pressing me gently against the balcony railing, her body flush against mine.
Heat curls through me—low, slow, and aching—blooming deep in my belly as her fingers slide up my waist, bunching the fabric of my sweater in her fists.
The cool air hits my skin, but I barely feel it through the heat of her fingers.
Her hands slip beneath my sweater and shirt, fingertips skimming my bare skin, and I swear I stop breathing
She kisses me slowly, savoring every second as much as I am.
It’s tender and intense all at once, as if she’s been holding this in as long as I have, and it makes my knees weak.
She couldn’t possibly be closer, but it feels like she’s still miles away.
I need her closer. I want her so close that the line between us disappears, and we mold into one another.
She kisses me harder, more urgently, like she can’t get enough.
I can’t get enough.
The world outside this moment doesn’t matter.
Not the fact that anyone could walk in on us, not the consequences of kissing my best friend.
Right now, there is only her. Only this.
Only the way her lips move against mine as if she wants me as badly as I want her.
My belly tightens, and my brain goes hazy, all the want I’ve been shoving down for years surging forward.
Every inch of my body is tuned into her.
Desperate and needy. Kissing her feels so natural.
I can’t help but kick myself for not having done this sooner, for having denied myself this for years, because now, kissing her is the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life.
To make this one kiss the last first kiss we’ll ever have.
It’s raw passion, and everything in my body feels amped up.
I tighten my grip on Alejandra’s waist, moving us until she’s pinned between my body and the wall.
Alejandra moans into my mouth, and the sound shoots straight through me.
I’ve dreamed about this, fantasized about it, and now I can’t believe I’m pulling it from her.
My fingers find their way under her shirt, and her skin is just as warm and soft as I know it to be, but now it burns beneath my touch.
Alejandra exhales sharply against my lips, her body melting into mine as I flick my tongue against hers.
She whimpers as my nails dig into her back, and heat flushes through my veins at the sound.
I slide my leg between her thighs, pressing firmly against her core.
Alejandra lets out a low moan as she grinds down into my thigh.
She sucks my tongue slowly, before gently biting my bottom lip.
When she pulls back, her eyes lock on to mine, dark, heavy-lidded, and burning with need.
A swell of pride rises in me, and I beg my mind to freeze this moment, to hold on to this forever.
“Have you seen Alejandra?” Diana says near the door to the balcony.
I jump back right as she steps outside.
Panic flares in my chest. What if she saw us kissing? But it fades just as quickly when I remember she already thinks Alejandra and I are dating. To her, it’s not a big deal. It only feels earth-shattering to me.
“Oh, there you are.”
“Yes?” Alejandra says, a little breathless. Her hair is tousled, pupils blown out, her lips slightly red, and her chest rises and falls rapidly.
“I, uh, I wanted to let you know Lala is looking for you. I think she’s ready to go.”
“Ah, okay, yeah, thanks.”
Diana turns to leave with a smirk.
“I—I should go.” Alejandra’s fingers nervously twist the strap of her camera. “But let’s talk when we get home, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course, go find her. I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit,” I say, my voice steadier than I feel.
Alejandra nods and shyly leans in to plant a quick kiss on my lips.
After the intense make-out session we had, a peck shouldn’t send a spark spreading through me, but it does.
She smiles before turning back, and I’m left alone on the balcony with butterflies raging in my stomach as I replay our kiss.
Kissing her was better than I could have ever imagined, and it’s left me dazed and distracted with a deep, deep need in my body.
I run a hand through my hair, trying to find even a shred of composure staring out into the Puget Sound, one hand gripping the balcony railing like it’s the only thing holding me up.
The other is still tingling with the memory of her touch.
I kissed Alejandra, and the world didn’t tilt on its axis; she didn’t throw me off her or freak out. She wanted it as much as I did. And now all I can think is What happens next?
Thirty minutes after our kiss, I find Lala helping Alejandra pack up her camera. We don’t say a word about what happened. Just exchange shy glances before the three of us head out in silence.
We pull up to Lala’s place and drop her off, Alejandra and I promising we’ll see her soon for bingo night with her friends.
Once we get home, Alejandra and I sort of orbit around each other, neither one sure of what to say or do. We order our usual Sunday Chinese and eat in silence—not an awkward one, just a tense one.
Every so often, I catch her eye across the room. She doesn’t hold my gaze long, but it’s enough to light a fuse.
Something shifted between us after the kiss on the balcony, and it’s alive and hot, making everything feel sharper. Every brush of air between us seems electric.
I want to say so much, but my thoughts jumble together, and I don’t know where to start, so I pace around her, an awkward, fumbling mess, hoping Alejandra will say something first.