Chapter Nineteen
Present - Ryder
TACKLING A MONSTER head-on is a whole lot better than waiting around for it to eat you. It’s going to suck regardless, but this way you can see the fangs coming and know where the first attack is planned. I’ve put it off long enough, asking to miss another shift. If I don’t request it from Stefan directly this time, he’ll see it as a weakness, and it’ll draw more attention. Attention I don’t need right now.
When I’m not with Evie, I’m thinking about the last time I was with her, letting myself remember how it felt to have my hands on her at the club. How it felt to have her eyes locked onto mine. How those final steps had felt when I almost kissed her. How I left things.
I shake my head.
She didn’t storm out in the end, but she should have.
Evie’s probably spent the last couple days swaying somewhere between devastated and absolutely pissed that I refused to tell her what’s led to all that cash under my floor, if she’s not jumping to her own conclusions.
Stefan and his circle make their way out of the hidden door, headed for whatever demented matters have called for his attention tonight. To lure the snake out of his den on a Sunday evening, something depraved must be about to go down.
I’ll never forget the afternoon he introduced himself as if it was any normal day, like actual blood wasn’t dripping off of him like he’d showered in it, leaving me and Terra to scrape blood and gore off the floor. We saw for ourselves what happens to someone who disobeys.
And now I’m prodding the beast.
“Stefan?”
He pauses, putting his hand up to indicate for his circle to do the same. The jeweled eyes of the snake wrapped through his fingers glint in the soft lighting as Stefan’s lips curl into a viper’s smile. “Yes, pup?”
I can’t help the inner cowering at the inflection of his voice, like a dog thoroughly trained to comply. It darkens my mood enough to conceal the light that’s found its way back into my eyes. “I was hoping to get next Saturday off.”
“Were you?”
“My friend needs me.” I’d thought about lying, coming up with an excuse to protect Connor and the band, but ultimately, Stefan likely already knows everything about them. If he gave a shit, he would’ve done something about it a long time ago. “I said no initially, but he doesn’t have anyone else.”
“Is this your friend with the little band?”
Just as I thought. “Yeah.”
“Is this going to be a usual thing, then?” Stefan’s voice purrs around the hidden threat, hoping that I don’t give him another problem, while simultaneously hoping that I do, loving any excuse to shed blood.
“No.” My chest deflates like a punctured air balloon.
“Work it out with Terra, then. She’ll have to pick up the slack.”
I know the odds of her saying yes. “What about Colin?”
“He outlived his usefulness.” AKA Colin fucked up and now he’s dead. “Let that serve as a little reminder of what happens when you become more trouble than you’re worth.”
I nod, shoving the emotions down, down, down.
How could I have forgotten? There’s no walking away from this life. My priority should be keeping my head down and ensuring nobody gets hurt. There is no room to safely care about Evie or the band, no matter how much I wish to.
Stefan owns me. When he calls, I come.
And that won’t change unless one of us is dead.
As if to make his point, Stefan snaps his fingers and I get back to work, wiping a glass. Down the bar, Terra makes a drink for a regular and I ready myself for another shift from hell while Stefan makes his way toward the door.
Then, the sweetest, softest “ Ooof ” comes from the doorway, turning my blood to ice. Even if she hadn’t made a sound, I would have known it was her the second she shared the same airspace. Call it what you want, but my body would never betray me when it comes to her. I’d never mistake anyone for Evie.
But right now, I wish that it was anyone else walking through that door. Fear in a way I’ve never known invades my chest as Stefan continues to walk toward her, toying with the iron snake wrapped through his fingers.
There she is, wearing a pink sundress, hair tied back with a white ribbon to match her sneakers, walking in like a ray of fucking sunshine. A large Tupperware container is balanced on one hip as she props open the door with her foot.
The primal need to hop the bar, shield her body with my own, becomes overpowering, but if I move now, it’ll be a dead giveaway. Any chance of Evie remaining off Stefan’s radar will be lost.
On the outside, I’m the face of indifference, but deep within, I’m calculating exactly how I’ll take down seven armed men and get her out. I’d throw any loser in this place in front of a bullet with a smile on my face if that’s what it takes to get Evie to safety.
Stefan’s bodyguard hands him a phone and he lifts it to his ear, speaking too low for me to hear. Evie spots him then, her smile falling ever so slightly as she takes in the force headed her way. She ducks her head and smoothly steps out of the way.
My knees nearly give out as Stefan walks right past her, not sparing a second glance for the sweet girl finding her way into his bar. Evie lets the door slowly close behind her before lifting her gaze and finding mine.
A hesitant smile graces her lips as she takes the Tupperware into both hands and approaches the bar. She places the container on the bar and slides it toward me. “Hi.”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
Evie swallows. “But I needed to see you.”
Terra snorts from behind me, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I want to snarl, rip into her for not treating Evie with the respect she deserves, but it’d give me away. So I remain quiet, looking at Evie, full of regret. “I’m working.”
Evie’s eyes dart over my shoulder, in the direction of the snort, before landing back on me. “This isn’t how we treat each other.”
She means my unaffected act at present, extending all the way to how I left things. All I can give her is a shrug, like her feelings are some insignificant thing, even though the truth is that I do care. I care so much that it could get the both of us killed.
“Okay, then.” Evie sighs, trying to remain collected, but the heat that’s begun climbing up her throat is clear as day. “Marcy came over and we baked cookies. I thought maybe you’d want some.”
“I’m good, but thanks.”
Grabbing a towel, I continue to wipe the bar, but I keep my eyes trained on Evie, willing her to understand. The hurt staring back at me proves she doesn’t. That deeply buried insecurity of never fitting in claws its way out of her, convincing her that I’m embarrassed by this visit, that she doesn’t mesh with this part of my life.
And she doesn’t, but not for the reason she thinks.
“I guess I’ll go?” Evie tucks her hair behind her ear. “Should I leave these here?”
“Sure. Whatever.” I plant my arms shoulder-distance apart, as if a shift in body language can get her to understand. Come on, Eves, read me like a book, the way you always do.
But Terra comes to my side, already slinging. “You must be next on rotation.”
My skin crawls as Terra pulls the cookies toward herself, opening them up and giving them a big whiff.
“ Terra. ” I warn, but she doesn’t give a fuck.
“Thanks for the cookies.” Terra reaches up to trace my jaw with her nail, but I rip it away, leaving a thin trail of blood. “And just a piece of advice, girl to girl. No matter how skilled you are with your mouth, he won’t look back. I’d know.”
If Evie hadn’t guessed at us being together in the past, she does now. Those hazel eyes cut to me, completely raw. She doesn’t even muster that anger or red-hot jealousy I’m familiar with, but drops her gaze, turns and leaves.
“You’re a fucking bitch, Terra.”
Her laugh follows me all the way to the door as I hop over the bar and follow Evie outside. Maybe it gives me away. Maybe letting her go is what’s best for the both of us, but I can’t stand the thought of letting that pain last, even for a few hours. That smidge of insecurity turning into a great big monster that will devour her whole.
“Evie!”
She doesn’t stop.
“Come on, Evie, wait!” She takes off into a run, but she’s tiny and my legs are longer and stronger. I catch up to her quickly, grabbing her arm and dragging her around the corner of the building into the alley, away from the foot traffic.
“Evelyn!”
“Oh, don’t Evelyn me, you asshole!”
“Let me explain.”
“Explain what!? You never explain anything! You just shut me out, again and again. And what was that in there? You made me look like a stupid, love-sick schoolgirl–”
“Evelyn!” I cover her mouth with my hand. “Stop. Fucking. Talking. Okay?” I slowly pull my hand away and her mouth remains clamped shut. The anger starts pouring off her. Good. I can work with that. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“Protect me how?”
“I wish I could tell you–”
She growls, trying to shove me off but I hold tight. “You completely humiliated me in there, and all I get is some bullshit excuse about protecting me?”
“It’s not bullshit.”
“Oh, it’s not? So, what? You think I can’t handle the fact that you’ve fucked your co-worker?” Evie lets out a humorless laugh. “I can handle that. But what I can’t handle is you treating me like something that came in on the bottom of your shoe!”
“How could you ever think I feel that way?”
“Are you fucking with me right now!? How could I think you feel that way ?” Evie lands two blows to my chest. “Oh, let me see. I have done nothing but embarrass myself in front of you! You’re not the only one with something to lose here. Again and again, I throw you a lifeline, but all you do is walk away or shut me down. And then you have the audacity to make me feel even more foolish in front of that–”
“Evelyn!” Viciously pulling the collar of my shirt down over my chest, material tearing, I expose the yellow rose that’s tattooed over my heart. “Does this tell you what you need to know?”
She’s quiet as she stares at my chest.
“It’s you , Evie. It’s always been you, in the most permanent of ways.” I shake my head, my throat tight with the confession. “And it shouldn’t be me, I know that, but it’s never been enough to stop me from wanting you.”
A delicate finger traces over the rose, petal by petal and down over the stem. The only tattoo I have in color, surrounded by shades of black and gray. With my confession, the rest of my walls threaten to come tumbling down, ready to let her all the way in. I’m holding on for dear life against the urge to shove her against this wall and make her mine.
Her finger trails higher, tracing the snake constricting around my neck, and I rest my forehead on hers. “I’m trying to figure this out, Eves, because I’m deep into shit that you’re better off not knowing about.”
“What kind of shit?”
I pull back, brushing her cheek with the back of my hand. “You should get as far away from me—and this place—as you can.”
“That choice should be mine.”
“I’ll…I’ll work on accepting that.”
“Good.” Evie places her palm over my heart, before shoving me back with a half-hearted smirk. She walks back toward the foot traffic, and just as the early evening sky sets into a wondrous spread of color, full of pinks and oranges, Evie glances over her shoulder. “It’s always been you, too.”
· · ·
“For the stunt you just pulled, you’re covering me on Saturday.”
Terra scoffs. “That drooly little skank had it coming–”
I move so fast, one of the stools tumbles over. Leaning Terra against the bar, I shove my forearm against her throat. “I swear to fucking God, Terra, if you utter another word about her, I will fucking kill you.” Terra scrapes at my arm, struggling to pull it away, so I push in harder, completely cutting off her airflow. “I will have no remorse as I watch the light leave your eyes, and I will gladly accept whatever stain it leaves on my soul if it means keeping her safe. Get me?”
Terra nods, eyes bulging out of her reddening face. I pull my arm away and she gasps for air, clutching her throat and coughing.
“All of that?” Terra wheezes. “For a girl in a sundress?”
Yes. That. And so much more.