Chapter Twenty-One
Present - Ryder
I’VE GIVEN EVIE enough time to process, to wrap her mind around the truth, that how I acted at the bar yesterday wasn’t about her. Well, it was, but not in the way she thought.
I’d never feel embarrassed by her. Evie’s marked on me in the most permanent of ways and I’d do anything to protect her—except walk away, apparently. So it’s my turn to throw out the white flag.
Ryder: You were right.
Evie: I know.
Ryder: I already admitted that you’re right. Don’t be annoying about it.
Evie: I’m listening.
Ryder: If you want to know everything, I’ll tell you. But you have to understand that knowing puts your life in danger. You need to consider what that could mean.
Evie: I’ll think about it, then.
Evie: In the meantime, I’m in the mood for a drive.
Ryder: Anywhere specific in mind?
Evie: Sort of.
Ryder: Care to fill me in?
Evie: Come get in the car and I’ll tell you.
I walk to my window and push the thin curtain aside. Sure enough, her shiny white Mercedes gleams from where she’s pulled up in front of my loft, her ride much cleaner and newer than anything else on this shitty street.
The deadbolts take me a minute, and by the time I’m stepping onto the asphalt, Evie’s getting comfortable in the passenger seat. I roll my eyes before getting into the driver’s side, adjusting the seat for my height and glancing at the sky. Dark clouds casually roll in, the sign of another Florida thunderstorm.
Evie types in an address, my stomach lurching as the directions pop up. “ Mulberry ?”
“I thought maybe it’d help to go back to our roots, back to the beginning.”
Determined to ignore how foreboding the sky now seems, I’m quiet as she fusses with the music, getting it open to a playlist called Taylor Swift - Evie’s Version. Reaching for the volume knob, I turn it up, recognizing the song as one of my favorites from the Eras night.
“So Rep-coded,” Evie mumbles.
A question that’s been gnawing at me finally climbs its way out. “Where do you live?”
“I have a condo in Downtown Tampa.”
“All this time, and you were basically right around the corner.” I shake my head, throat tight. “Where did you grow up, after getting adopted?”
“So many questions today.” Evie lifts a brow. “Maybe I should act all brooding and mysterious so I can avoid telling you anything.”
I can’t help the twitch of my lips as they pull to the side.
Evie seems pleased enough. “Palm Harbor.”
“Of course.”
“I know.” Evie laughs. “But wait until you see my place, it’s even more pretentious than theirs. You’ll hate it.”
“I won’t hate it.”
“Oh, you totally will. It’s disgustingly nice.”
“How nice?”
“Nice enough that after I moved in, for the first week I felt guilty enough that I almost moved back out, knowing there were kids growing up the way we did. But Marcy convinced me that I needed to stop punishing myself for a past that wasn’t my fault.”
A past that we are literally driving straight into, per Apple Maps.
What’s crazy? It takes less than an hour to get there.
There’s a deep rumble from above as we arrive at our destination and step out of the car. The house looks even worse than I remember, intensified by the gloomy weather. We’re quiet for a while, taking in the physical tatters of our childhood.
The ugly brown has faded away, leaving it unrecognizable to anyone else, but I could never forget those two windows on the second floor. Something unexplainable happens inside of me as I pull my eyes away from the windows and bring them to the girl standing next to me.
Evie stares at where the wood siding has rotted away, allowing entrance to any critter that can fit. Pieces of metal that were once gutters lay on the ground from where they finally collapsed, and a broken window is held together by masking tape.
Evie breaks the silence with a strain in her voice, thanks to the tears I know she is battling. “This was a terrible idea.”
“Definitely not one of your best.”
“You know he died? Just a few years after I got adopted. Heart attack.”
“Can’t say I feel sorry for the bastard.”
“Me neither.” Evie wipes a hand across her face. “I keep thinking about what Cyrus did to you, because of me. It was my fault the laundry was pink, and I should have never left you with him.”
Lost for words, I pull her to me as she breaks into a sob. Evie’s face is cradled perfectly by my chest, black t-shirt collecting her tears as I wrap my arms around her and stroke her vanilla-scented hair. Her body against mine acts as a grounding, allowing me to ease back into the memories, without getting washed away.
“Evie, what happened in this house, it’s not what broke me. The physical pain Cyrus often caused, it served as a distraction. I sought it out because for as long as the pain lasted, I wasn’t thinking about my mother.”
Evie sobs even harder so I squeeze her tighter.
“You have to let go of that guilt, because it’s never been yours to carry. Cyrus was a bad man, and I was taking advantage of it in my own fucked-up way. What happened to me… it was never your fault.
“I’ll never forget the day I was looking out the window, the one right up there. I saw your dirty pink sneakers jut out from the car, hovering over the ground because you were too little to reach…” I rest my cheek on the top of her head. “My entire universe shifted. For the first time since my parents were killed, I stopped living in that memory and started to see the world around me. You gave me something to live for, something to protect, and saved me in a way you’ve never known.”
It’s several more minutes before her tears finally run their course, sobs easing. As painful as it is, diving into those old wounds, I’m left with a sense of healing, as if the words scraped out an infection that has continued to rot all these years.
“Thank you for offering me that piece of yourself.” Evie pulls away, hazel eyes waterlogged but warm, as she runs her hand over my chest, down my arm, and takes my hand in hers. “There’s one last thing I want to see, and then let’s get the fuck out of here.”
I breathe a laugh, pleasing her further.
Assuming the house is abandoned, Evie leads me through the gate that’s fallen off its hinges, wading through the grass that has grown past our knees. What was once Cyrus’s garden, only ruins remain. We stop in front of it, regarding the brown brambles where charming flowers used to grow.
“The only beautiful thing about this place, completely destroyed.”
I squeeze Evie’s hand. “It wasn’t the only beautiful thing.”
A shy glance brushes over me as she squeezes mine back, before pulling me farther into the yard. How I didn’t figure out where she was taking me, I’ll never know, but my chest begins to ache as we stop in front of our favorite oak tree. Memories of little Evie sitting here with a book propped on her lap, exuding nothing but attitude crosses my mind, and a small smile battles its way to my lips.
“Where is it?” A tinge of panic laces her question.
“Well, it’s been ten years…” I run my hands and eyes up the tree, and a few feet above my head I spot something. Without giving her an ounce of warning, I crouch down and lift her onto my shoulders. Evie squeals as her fingers grasp at my hair for balance, finding purchase, as if I’d ever let her fall.
She reaches out to touch the tree. “It’s still here.”
“Always will be.”
“I’d offer you a turn, but you’d crush me.”
I roll my eyes. “Just take a picture for me.”
Evie takes her time—not that I mind having her legs wrapped around my neck—before she taps my shoulder, the signal to bring her down. Reaching up, I place my hands on her hips and easily lift her over my head, slowly lowering her to the ground. She clears her throat before turning to look at me.
Brushing her flushed cheek with the back of my hand, I offer one more truth. “The only thing that ever mattered about this place… lasted.”
“I don’t think I ever said thank you, for taking care of me when no one else bothered. The hits you took… they would have broken me. I don’t think I would’ve been able to move past those sorts of scars, even with a new life.”
The only way I got through any of it was her . “You gave me hope, Eves, and as much as I haven’t wanted to surrender to it, I don’t think I ever lost it completely. Maybe in everything else… but never in you.” Evie’s eyes start to well up again and I chuckle, wrapping my arms around her once more. “Maybe you should leave the Freudian experiments to the professionals next time.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Evie laughs, pulling back to wipe a few tears that fall before sobering up and pinning me with a determined glint. “Ryder, I want to know everything.”
My stomach lurches and I take a step back, a purely chemical response. Another louder, much more threatening rumble comes from the sky. Unsure if it’s the incoming storm or the sudden shift of topic, but everything around us descends into gray. “We should head back to the car. And… I’ll tell you everything.”
The sky darkens further, becoming more menacing with every step we take through the tall grass. We pick up our pace, large droplets beginning to fall, smacking us hard enough to sting as we run from our past.
As soon as the car doors close, Evie launches out of the gate. “Where did that money in your floor come from?”
“I’m going to ask you one more time.” I pause, allowing myself another second to treasure what I have with Evie, before she knows the truth. “Are you sure you want to know? There’s no going back once you do.”
Evie swallows and the sky holds nothing back as the rain begins beating down, the universe shedding its tears for the children it stole everything from. “Tell me.”