Chapter Twenty-Nine
Present - Evelyn
THE LAST FEW weeks with Ryder have been a dream. I’ve had a little bubble of joy floating around inside my tummy along with this sense of belonging that I’d been missing for a decade. Have we spent these weeks dutifully avoiding certain topics to ensure it has stayed that way? Undoubtedly.
Since the divine intervention that led us to that church, we’ve steered clear of all talk about anything that would burst that bubble. Like the bar or the wads and wads of cash that live under his floorboard, or the fact that he basically works for the fucking mafia, or just slightly less scary, my adoptive parents and their world. I guess tonight is the night we take a fucking machete to that bubble, starting with Ryder meeting my parents, Kellin and Ted.
Ryder is quiet as he brings us to a stop outside their house, his sweetened whiskey scent doing its best to calm my nerves. “Ostentatious, isn’t it?”
Ryder shrugs. “It’s not too bad.”
I still haven’t let him over to my place. We’ve been to the mall and the movies and the Sunday markets, but not mine. We got as far as turning onto my street before I forced him to take us to his loft instead. This man has touched and tasted every inch of me by now, but somehow, I can’t stomach the idea of throwing my luxury—the version of it I chose for myself—in his face.
He’ll never see it that way, but it all seems so wasteful now, when lying with him on a mattress on the floor has brought me more happiness than any materialistic thing ever did. Besides, something about his loft feels like a looking glass into his last decade. Being there allows me to pretend that I haven’t missed out on ten years with the person most important to me.
I blow a raspberry. “It’s now or never. Let’s go in there and rip the Band-Aid off.”
Ryder nods. While I wouldn’t classify him as chatty on a good day, he’s unusually withdrawn today. “Is everything okay?”
He glances my way. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Perfect. We’re playing dumb then. “Uhhhh, well, I don’t know, you’re wearing a long-sleeve shirt in the middle of summer, and you’ve been silent for most of the day.”
Ryder shrugs.
Reeling in my temper, I remind myself that he probably feels way out of his depth here. “Is it something to do with meeting my parents? Not used to being the guy girls bring home?”
“That must be it.” Ryder drops my gaze without even a snort and looks out the window. “Guess we should head in.”
Great. Not even humor is coming to save my ass.
Let’s just keep giving Evie the cold shoulder on the night she’s about to have a panic attack. I’m bringing a tattooed bartender/musician home to my super-loaded and super-protective parents. They’re going to be beyond enthused. It’ll be great. Perfect. All according to plan.
Shaking it off, I steady myself, determined to stay strong for the both of us, Ryder depending on me now more than ever. He’s likely convinced that they’re going to judge him and look down their nose, as if he’s the worst possible choice for their daughter. And maybe they will…a tiny bit…but only out of concern for me. They’re not shitty people.
They’ll accept him. Eventually.
We walk up to the door, and I take a deep breath before knocking, hoping that this night doesn’t go down in flames.
“You’re knocking on the front door of your own home?”
“Uhhh…” Never thought of it like that, but I guess it is sort of weird that I was raised here and I don’t just walk in. I’ll have to save that psychoanalysis deep dive for another time though. “I guess I am.”
The whole making him feel comfortable thing is going great . Thankfully my parents’ shapes appear through the textured glass of the front door as they make their way toward us.
“We got this, okay?” Reaching for Ryder’s hand, I lace my fingers through his and squeeze. “If they kick you to the curb, they’ll have to throw me out with you.”
“That’s exactly what I don’t want to happen.”
If being the opposite of a calming presence was an Olympic sport, I’d be taking home the medal tonight. I open my mouth to take it back, but the lock clicks, and Kellin’s squeal escapes before she’s even got the door open.
“Evie I’m so –” The way her words halt, face slackening into a mild version of horror, pretty much seals the fate of the rest of our night. This is going to suck.
“Hi, Mom.” Ted’s head pokes over Kellin’s, and it’s like they practiced their looks of disappointment in the mirror together before we showed up. A bit of ice forms in my chest at their reaction. They claim that I’m their daughter, came to my aid time and time again when their friends looked down their noses at me, but here they are, doing the very same thing. I can’t bring myself to look at Ryder’s face. “What a warm fucking welcome.”
“Evelyn!” Kellin chides.
“This is Ryder, my boyfriend .” We have definitely not talked about that either, but hopefully he doesn’t mind the term. “Are you going to let us in, or should we turn around now and save you the trouble?”
Ryder drops my hand and steps forward, offering it to Kellin. “It’s nice to meet you both.” His voice comes out oddly steady, not a trace of the acid that’s roaring out with my words. If anything, they’re slightly commanding, if not a little pleading.
“Nice to… meet you.” Ted reaches around his wife, taking Ryder’s hand so she doesn’t have to. “I apologize for our reactions. You’re just…not who we were expecting.”
Ryder nods. “I understand completely.”
“I don’t,” I scoff, crossing my arms.
Ted opens the door wider, offering for us to step inside, and if it weren’t for Ryder pushing me forward with a hand on my lower back, I would stomp back to the car.
Of course they’d want some preppy idiot, like the ones who threw themselves at me during high school. Seems like nearly four years (not to mention the stint at college) of never bringing a single one of those douches home wasn’t a big enough hint that I’m not interested.
“Dinner is almost ready,” Kellin offers, nervously wiping her hands on her perfectly tailored pants. “Would you like to show Ryder around?”
“You’re not worried he’s going to desecrate the house?”
“ Evelyn .”
“It’s okay, Eves, I’d like to see your home.” Ryder tugs on my arm, gently pulling me away. Begrudgingly, I follow him out of the entryway and into the adjacent room as he whispers, “Give them a minute. They were caught off guard.”
“By what!?” I don’t whisper. “You’re wearing a long-sleeve shirt! They can’t even see the tattoos, and it’s not like you have ‘I’m a bartender/musician’ written on your forehead. What basis would they have to judge you so quickly?”
“Don’t be angry at them.” Ryder pulls me around to face him. “They care about you.”
“Well, I care about you .”
Ryder rests his lips on my forehead, but it does nothing to quell the rage pumping through me. This man basically raised me, saved my fucking life and took care of me for years when nobody else cared to, but they shun him at first glance.
“Promise me that you’re not going to judge them for this.”
My jaw drops. “How can you even say that when they judged you instantly!?”
“They have their reasons.”
“I’m sorry, I think my ears might be broken because it sounded like you said they have reasons. They didn’t even give us the chance to explain who you are, before they looked down their noses.”
“You’re not giving them the chance to explain themselves, either.”
“Wha–” I shake my head. “Why are you on their side?”
“I’m on the side of not driving a wedge between you and your family.”
I cross my arms.
Ryder’s mouth kicks up on the side, eyes darkening. “Come on, now. Don’t get pissy with me; otherwise, I will desecrate this entire house.”
The promise laced through his words lights a fire low in my belly as Ryder takes a step toward me, closing the distance I put between us. His lips trace my ear, down my neck, sending shivers through my whole body. It’s really hard to stay pissy when he gets like this.
“You’re using illegal warfare here,” I whisper, tipping my head back, allowing him better access to my neck.
“Thank you for coming to my defense.” Ryder trails gentle kisses down my throat before leaning in and taking a deep breath. “Thank you for believing there should be no question about my worth.” Ryder trails his lips across my collarbone, so graciously offered to him by this off-shoulder top. “Thank you for being proud to walk through that door and call me yours.”
Unable to resist, I sink my hands into his hair and halt his teasing as I bring his lips onto mine. Kissing him is better than fiction. Those golden princes I read about as a girl have nothing on my misunderstood, broody man with questionable morals.
As if lightning strikes around us, a charge descends over the room. Ryder pulls away with a smirk and I return it, my anger from a moment ago receding despite my best efforts at holding on to it.
He reaches up and cups my cheek, brushing over my blush with his thumb. “Promise that when we go back out there, you’ll give them another chance.”
“ You’re convincing me to give them another chance, when they looked at you like trash?”
“Yes.”
I don’t even know what else to say besides, “Fine.”
· · ·
Ever had a dinner so silent that the smallest contact between fork and plate makes you want to drive it straight into your eyes instead of the carrot? Yep. It’s been thirteen fucking minutes of this. And I’m sorry, Taylor, but right now, I’m not loving that number.
“So,” Kellin starts and I flinch, ready for the world’s worst small talk. “What do you do, Ryder?”
Oh, this will go splendidly. I mean, what do they expect, that he works in stocks or something? What kind of question is that? What do you do? I stab a potato.
“I’m a bartender on the weekends. It pays me well and allows time to rehearse during the week with a band that I’ve recently become lead singer for.”
Lead singer? I drop my fork (potato and all) and gape at him, for dropping that little tidbit he hasn’t mentioned to me at all. Kellin and Ted share a glance, whether at his response or my reaction.
“That sounds…nice,” Kellin manages with a stiff smile.
“What about you?” Ryder asks politely, before efficiently slicing off another piece of prime rib.
Ted clears his throat. “I’ve had a very successful career in luxury development, both residential and commercial.”
“That’s impressive.”
My eyes roll and Ryder bumps me under the table with his foot, like he heard my eyes move or something. Cue another bout of silence. Eventually, Ted sets his fork and knife down, steepling his hands on the table. I brace myself, knowing that whatever he’s about to say will be the final nail in tonight’s coffin.
“Ryder, what exactly are your intentions with our daughter?”
I open my mouth, but Ryder gently holds out a hand. “To give her the life that she deserves.”
“And how do you intend to accomplish that, if you’re out bartending all night or—if this band manages to actually be successful—out on tour?”
“If Evie had a problem with me going on tour, then she wouldn’t even have to ask.” Ryder shrugs. “I’d drop it in an instant.”
Ryder doesn’t bother addressing the bar, the one thing I do have a problem with, and the one thing he’s convinced he can do nothing about. But we’re not talking about that, remember?
“See, that right there tells me that you don’t know what a long-lasting relationship takes, and you’re just telling me what you think I want to hear.” Ted sighs, shaking his head. “If you knew anything about true commitment, you’d know that you can’t just walk away from your dream, because over time, you’d start to harbor resentment. Having a healthy partnership requires compromise.”
“Maybe that’s how it is for most people but, sir, as far as I’m concerned, there’s no compromise when it comes to Evie. There is what makes her happy or nothing at all.”
The way Ryder doesn’t back down, doesn’t kiss Ted’s ass or nod his head gratefully like he’s being graced with wisdom, all while declaring what he’d do for me, I almost jump his bones right at this goddamn table.
“And what if Evie wants to have children?”
“Then she’ll have them. As many as she wants.”
“We’d hoped that Evie would choose to continue this family and carry the Ashbluff name into marriage, ensuring it doesn’t end with us. Our grandchildren are supposed to be our legacy.”
“ Supposed to be?” I scoff at Ted’s insinuation. “You don’t even know Ryder.”
“Evelyn, we know all about Ryder.”
Understanding dawns on me with the grace and delicacy of a bulldozer. My eyes shoot to Ryder, whose eyes have dropped to his lap, before going right back to my parents.
Their instant horror when they opened the door. The pleading in Ryder’s voice and hesitation in Ted’s when he said it was nice to meet him. “Wait a minute…have you met before?”
Kellin touches Ted’s arm, letting him know she’ll take this one. “We never told you this because we didn’t want you to feel unwanted, but we originally planned for a son.”
Ryder refuses to meet my gaze as it barrels into the side of his head, but I don’t need him to confirm the truth as it dawns on me. “You made sure they’d never take you, so they’d take me.” The truth he’s kept from me all these years. “You sabotaged a life for yourself, to ensure I had one.”
Ryder had a future right there, waiting for him, but instead of taking it for himself, he did whatever it took to secure it for me instead. He finally looks at me then, black eyes deeper and darker. Anyone else would look right past him, having no idea how hard he loves, but nobody on this planet has a bigger heart. It’s why he had to pack it up as a child and ship it off with me, so I could keep it safe until we met again.
Tearing my eyes away from him, they find my parents again, venom chasing away the gratitude. At one point, maybe they were what I needed. They offered safety of a certain kind, they allowed me to grow up and chase my dreams, but not once have I felt what Ryder offers me. He has shown me self-sacrifice in a way these two people will never know. Ryder knows the meaning of true family, of a true home , and he is mine. I refuse to stand by as they treat him little better than their friends have treated me since the day I walked through these doors. Reaching for Ryder’s hand, I pull him with me as I stand from the table, wishing it was a flimsy thing I could flip on my way out for dramatic effect.
Ryder stops me. “Evie, I don’t want to drive a wedge between you and your family.”
“You’re not the one who drove the wedge between us here tonight.” I glance between him and my parents. “The wedge came from them, because they were too blinded by their prejudice to recognize that your behavior as a child is what secured this life for me. They were so focused on your misbehavior , they couldn’t see that whatever you did that day came from a place of love, so pure they could never understand.”
Facing my parents once more, I feel the rose-colored lens I’ve been looking through all these years start to clear. “You came that day to further your own needs, but Ryder knew what was waiting for a teenage girl in that house. He did everything in his power to get me out of there. If Ryder had to do something to hurt you in the process, I can tell you right now that he lives with the weight of it every day. He was a child , forced with the task of caring for another, and he acted in the only way available to him.”
Kellin raises a hand to her mouth in a gasp, finally seeing what she failed to see then. Understanding forms in Ted’s eyes as he connects the dots.
“You don’t deserve either of us.” Taking Ryder’s hand again, this time he lets me lead him to the front door, which I slam behind us.
“Evie.”
“I don’t care what you have to say. They deserved it.”
“Evie.”
“That was not your fault, and you are to hold zero guilt over what happened back there.”
“ Evie.”
“They were assholes, and they can’t get away with it just because they fronted the bills for me for a few years. That is not what makes a family.”
“EVIE!” Ryder grabs me around the waist, pulling me back to face him. “I want to thank you. For making them understand. And for not hating me for keeping that secret from you.”
“How could I hate you for something so selfless? You were a child , Ryder, forced to choose between your survival and mine. How could I ever hate you for that?”
Ryder smiles, this tentative and shy thing that suddenly makes me understand why he’s done everything he’s done. I would burn the world to the ground if it meant protecting that smile.
Lifting onto my toes, I kiss him, savoring the way he makes me feel. His hands drop lower, lifting me impossibly closer. A storm of emotion and heat descends, the insistent need enveloping us both.
“Let’s get out of here before we desecrate their driveway.”
I smirk. “You really like that word.”
One sweet kiss on my forehead. “I really like you .” He smiles that soft smile, reserved just for me. No edginess. No danger. Pure heart.
Butterflies take off in my stomach, so violently I’m not sure they’re butterflies. As he leads me the rest of the way to the car, I can’t help but feel like there was another confession hidden in his innocent words, his voice having dropped an octave.
Ryder opens my car door and helps me get in before clicking in the seatbelt for me, bringing him a hair’s breadth from my lips. My heart doubles in time, but he pulls away and shuts the door.
Ryder settles into the driver’s seat, and without another word, drives away from ground zero, the place our bubble was nuked by my parents’ bias, yet we’re driving away together, stronger and closer than when we got here.
Is this what it’s like, facing adversity with the one you love?
We’ve been hiding away together, afraid that something would take this away from us, but tonight proves that what we have is unbreakable. It’s a bond you can’t destroy or steal.
The unmistakable sense of falling, fast and far , sends my stomach flipping.
Ryder. My Ryder.
The boy who carried my pink backpack. The boy who bought me fruit punch. The boy who stole and lied through his teeth—often—to make sure I had a childhood. The boy who took care of me when I was sick. The boy who sang me to sleep, any time I had a nightmare. The boy who sacrificed his chance at a better life so I could have one.
Ryder’s eyes remain fixed on the road, but he can feel my gaze on him, his black hair, tousled from where my hands sank into it. It’s criminal the way his cheekbones and jaw strike their claim, perfectly complementing the rest of his face. The way he was formed should be studied by the Greeks, sculpted into something that can survive the ages.
I can’t stop staring at him. Memorizing him. Treasuring him. Don’t ask me how long we’ve been in the car. Don’t ask me where we are. Don’t ask me where we’re going.
Because nothing else matters as long as I’m with him.
Ryder looks sharply my way. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Pull the car over.”
Ryder growls, eyes darkening. “Don’t play with me, Evie.”
His voice sends an inferno barreling through my deepest places, places I never let anyone touch, save for him. The first boy I ever kissed. The boy I’ve dreamed about every night. The one I never stopped looking for. The boy who drives me mad .
The only boy I’ve ever truly wanted.
I need him closer. I need to feel him. I need to have him.
“I’m not playing.”
Ryder slams on the brakes and pulls the car off the road, not waiting for the car to come to a stop before he’s unclicking my seatbelt and lifting me over the center console. My legs come down on either side of him, and as one of his hands grips my ass, the other throws the car into park.
He easily gathers my dress over my hips, and I’ve never been more grateful for an outfit. My underwear is quickly cast aside as the long-sleeve shirt that’s got him all covered up becomes Evie’s Enemy #1 .
Ripping it over his head, I grin, moving to work on his zipper and belt. “That’s better.”
For a moment, I’m captured by the snake tattooed around his throat. I trace it with my hand, and he closes his eyes, swallowing. Leaning down, I leave a trail of kisses over the base of his throat, breathing life where the snake has stolen it away.
My hands drift down his broad shoulders, over his corded arms and the skeleton they portray. He is so much more than this lifeless picture he’s drawn. Placing my hand over his heart and the yellow rose inked there just for me, I feel the evidence below.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Ryder’s black eyes bore into mine, shining bright, as if I’ve brought him back to life in the same way that he’s reminded me what it feels like to have a home and to be truly loved.
He holds my gaze hostage, as he lowers me onto him. I can’t help the moan that escapes at the contact, the feel of him sinking inside me, the way I mold perfectly around him.
Keeping my hand over his heart, we let it set the rhythm as we begin moving together. Ryder holds me, supporting my weight as I become lost to the feeling of him. It’s a level of pleasure fueled by decades of imagination and promises. He’s there, meeting every one of my body’s demands, rocking and thrusting me into an unabashed frenzy.
Unable to even utter a warning, I explode around him, rocking us both with the sheer strength of it. I know he isn’t far behind as he picks up speed, never missing a beat until he throws his head back, and I watch as his abs contract with every wave of his pleasure.
Then his black eyes are back on me, full of intent. “I’m not done with you yet.”