High Frequency #2
“What I went through back then taught me a lesson I swore to uphold no matter what: never, under any circumstances, mix love with your job.”
The silence that settles over the rehabilitation room after my confession is long and heavy, but it isn’t uncomfortable. It’s an honest silence, the kind that heals. Alicia breathes slowly, taking in my words, and holds my gaze with a maturity that surprises me.
“Now I understand why you flat-out refused to let yourself get carried away by what we had,” she murmurs in an extremely sweet voice, devoid of even the slightest reproach. “And I understand why I constantly felt like you were running away from me.”
“Well… I highly doubt I’ve stopped running away entirely, to be honest. Fear is free.”
She lets out a little chuckle, a warm, sincere laugh that fills the four walls of the treatment room and lifts my spirits.
“Yes, to be honest, I’d already noticed that, Dr. Valle. You’re stubborn and headstrong like few other women I’ve ever met. But look, I’ll also tell you that I’m starting to glimpse what you’re hiding beneath that iron drill-sergeant armor.”
The lingering tension between us eases noticeably.
It’s not that it disappears as if by magic, but it does change form: it becomes something much more intimate, more deeply connected…
and, as a result, a thousand times more dangerous to my sanity.
I finish gathering up the items I used for her massage and slowly rise from the stool, ready to put some physical distance between us.
But before I have time to take a single step back, Alicia grabs my wrist and pulls me toward her, drawing me magnetically toward her lips.
This kiss is radically different from the wild outbursts at the restaurant.
It’s a thousand times slower. More conscious.
More deliberate. There’s no train wreck or battle to see who dominates whom.
Just a strange, beautiful calm, as if the two of us had mutually decided to stop fighting the inevitable at the same time.
I feel her incredibly soft mouth pressing against mine.
I feel myself finally learning not to run away at the first sign of trouble.
My hands instinctively find the contours of her face, caressing her cheeks, while hers settle firmly around my waist. It’s a peaceful kiss, infinitely sweet and loving.
The most intimate and genuine one we’ve shared so far.
When we pull apart, there’s barely any air left between us. Alicia brushes my lower lip with the tip of her thumb and gives me one of those small half-smiles that are a true declaration of intent.
“I apologize in advance for being the woman who’s come to this club to break every single one of your sacred rules, Doctor.”
She whispers it right there, pressed against my mouth, our breaths mingling, and I’m overcome by a mad urge to throw everything to hell and stay glued to her for the rest of my life.
But fear from the past doesn’t vanish with the stroke of a pen, no matter how well I kiss; it’s still there, lurking in a corner of my brain, waiting for its chance to remind me of everything I stand to lose if the board finds out.
I pull away suddenly, breaking the spell.
I take a sharp step back. Then another, pressing myself against the filing cabinet.
As if putting several feet between us could fix the chaos in my head.
Alicia picks up on my sudden reluctance instantly, and the expression on her face changes in a second: all the warmth and tenderness vanish from her gaze, giving way to frustration.
“Oh, come on…” she says simply, letting her arms drop listlessly. “Here we go again.”
“Alicia, don’t start… It’s not what you think.”
“No, look, forget it, it’s fine,” she replies defensively, letting that pride of hers shine through.
She carefully steps down from the treatment table, putting her weight on her good leg.
Each of her hurried movements screams that she’s about to run out the door, never to return.
“You don’t need to give me any of your explanations, Clara. I understand perfectly.”
“No, damn it, you don’t understand a thing!” I insist, raising my voice and taking a decisive step toward her to cut her off.
“I think I’ve understood it quite well. To you, what’s happening between us is still a mistake. A slip-up that you control and schedule into your calendar whenever you feel like it.”
“That’s not true, and you know it!”
“Oh, really? Then explain it to me, because from where I’m standing, the situation seems crystal clear. Just tell me once and for all what this is to you, because I don’t know how to interpret your signals anymore without driving myself crazy.”
Frustration burns my throat. Because I have an overwhelming urge to scream at her everything that’s going on inside me when I see her, but at the same time, I don’t have the slightest idea how to do it without feeling like I’m tearing my skin off in strips.
“It’s not that what we have isn’t real, Alicia,” I finally blurt out, letting out a shaky sigh that empties my lungs.
“It’s just the exact opposite: it’s too real.
Meeting you at this club, kissing you the way I kiss you…
fucking you the way we fuck—it’s something I’d do again a thousand times over, no matter how scared I am.
But the panic that what happened with Charlotte will happen again… it’s still there inside, crushing me.”
Alicia stops dead in her tracks halfway to the door and turns to look at me with an intensity that melts my insides.
“So what are you suggesting, then? That we keep pretending there’s only professional tension between us? That every time we run into each other, we look at the floor and act like nothing’s going on between us?”
“No,” I reply instantly, taking that final step and gripping her forearm firmly to stop her from walking through that door and escaping.
“I’m not suggesting we pretend, Alicia. What I’m suggesting is that whatever is blossoming between us shouldn’t be confined solely within the walls of this damn rehab center.
I don’t want what we have to be limited to just this world within these four walls. ”
The silence my words create becomes absolute, deathly. I don’t take my eyes off her for even a second. Neither does she.
I take a deep breath, gathering my courage. I feel in my stomach the exact same vertigo as someone jumping from a helicopter without the faintest idea whether the parachute will open or where they’ll land.
“Let’s do something. Stay over at my place tonight.”
Alicia stares at me intently for a few eternal seconds that feel like a lifetime, and then, slowly, she flashes that mischievous smile of hers—the one that always seems capable of throwing my plans into disarray and turning my life upside down in a second.
“Oh, Dr. Valle, Dr. Valle…” she murmurs, taking a step forward, closing the distance until our jackets brush against each other and seeking out my free hand with her fingers.
“You’ve spent weeks trying to control everything you feel for me, and now, out of the blue, you come at me with this indecent proposal… ”
I let out a brief laugh, completely defeated by her charms, and clasp my fingers tightly around hers.
“I know. I’m a total mess of a woman.”
She moves a millimeter closer, breaking down any physical barrier. She brushes my cheek with her knuckles, and in that tiny, absurd, and infinitely intimate gesture, I finally realize that I have no way out. I can’t keep running anymore. Not from her. Not from this beautiful thing we have.