Don’t show your emotions
DON’T SHOW YOUR EMOTIONS
Wyatt
I should’ve driven straight home. I wasn’t in a good headspace to be around people, but instead of going home, I drove to my brother’s house.
Two quick knocks and then I waited, staring vacantly at Travis’s cement front porch and the welcome mat that screamed Sadie.
My brother had never cared about things like a welcome mat, so it had to be his wife.
The door opened, light spilling out into the dusk as the sun started to set, and I looked up into my brother’s concerned eyes. His gaze darted around my face and he immediately stepped out. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. My throat was clogged with an emotion I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt before.
I’d experienced loss before, but it had never felt like this.
I felt like I left a piece of myself on Brynn’s driveway and the rest of me back at the cabin where I’d experienced the highest high of my life and then the lowest low.
Travis gripped my bicep and then moved his hand around to my back and ushered me into his house. Sadie was curled up on the couch, a tablet in her lap. She straightened and her brows furrowed the closer I got to her. “Are you okay?”
I sat on the couch on the opposite end from her. My body felt too heavy to hold up any longer, and I bent over, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “No,” I admitted.
I was far from okay. Yesterday I thought I’d been in love and was willing to throw away my whole career.
Today, I felt empty and broken, and I was pretty sure my job was going to be the only reason to get up in the morning.
I knew Raf still deserved the truth, but I couldn’t tell him.
Not now. Not when it didn’t matter anyway.
She’d ended things swiftly and seemed confident in her decision.
Hell, she hadn’t said a word to me on the drive back. Just that apology when she stepped out and something else she’d mumbled too low for me to hear. I hadn’t asked her what she said because I didn’t think I could take anymore.
“Got a beer?” I asked my brother. I rarely drank, but tonight seemed like a good time to drink away my problems. I was too old to get away with drinking much without feeling the effects in the morning, but the pain of a hangover might be more tolerable than the pain I felt in my chest.
“Only if you’re planning to crash in the guest room,” he replied.
I gave one nod and he turned to head to the kitchen.
“A girl?” Sadie asked, her sweet voice soft.
“A woman,” I corrected. My niece, Jenna, had scolded me once when I referred to a woman I was casually seeing as a girl and went off on a whole tangent about how they’re women and should be respected by being referred to as such.
You’d never refer to a grown man as a “boy” unless you were being condescending.
Her lecture had stuck with me and I found myself correcting everyone around me whenever the term was used that way.
“Ah, Jenna gave you the lecture,” Sadie said, and when I glanced over, she had a fond smile on her face.
She was Jenna’s best friend, and it had been a big deal when she started hooking up with Trav behind Jenna’s back.
It had messed with both of their heads, but everything had worked out in the end.
I’d never really been jealous of my brother, but I was right then.
He’d gotten his well-deserved happily ever after while I was contemplating which was worse—remaining on Brynn’s detail and pretending nothing happened between us while acid ate away at my heart every second I couldn’t touch her, or walking away and asking for a reassignment which meant never seeing her again.
Both options were painful.
Thankfully, Raf had given me a few days off which meant I had time to wrap my head around everything and decide what to do.
Travis came back into the room with two beers and a bottle of water. He handed a beer to me and the water to Sadie. I arched a brow at her, and the subtle blush and way she ducked her head gave her away.
“How far along are you?”
She shook her head and looked at her husband with exasperation. “You knew he’d figure it out if I didn’t drink.”
Travis shrugged unapologetically. “You haven’t had enough water today.” He leaned over her, trapping her body between his arms. “I gotta take care of my baby while she takes care of our baby.”
I looked away when he kissed her. My heart clenched painfully tight. I wanted that, more than I’d ever allowed myself to admit before. I wanted a wife and kids—a family of my own. But not with just anyone. I wanted it with Brynn.
Did Brynn even want kids?
It was a stupid thought to have since she’d ended things, and it didn’t matter that I’d never asked her.
For a second I wondered if having the answer would make me get over her faster, but I knew in my gut it wouldn’t matter if she didn’t want kids.
I’d still want her. She’d be my family and that would be enough.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” Trav’s voice pulled me out of my depressing thoughts.
I glanced up to find him sitting in the chair across from me and Sadie sipping at her water. They both looked at me, patiently waiting for me to tell them why I’d randomly shown up on their doorstep on a weeknight.
“I fell in love with a client who’s thirteen years younger than I am and completely out of my league.
Yesterday she ended things like it all meant nothing to her.
” The words poured out of me. I was used to being vulnerable with my brother, but doing it in front of Sadie was new.
I wasn’t opposed to a woman’s perspective though, especially considering she once had been the younger woman in a seemingly forbidden pairing.
Travis sat forward, setting his beer on the table next to him before focusing on me. “I’m sorry. I’m going to need you to back up. Did you just say you fell in love with her? The last time we’d talked, you’d only said you found her attractive.”
I blew out a puff of air and ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah, well, it became a lot more than that.”
“Fuck,” he muttered.
“Pretty much,” I said.
“Does Raf know?” he asked.
I shook my head, and that sick feeling swirled in my stomach again.
“Why’d she end it?” Sadie asked.
“She didn’t think it was worth the risk, I guess.” The words came out rough.
It was hard to think about that moment when she ripped the rug out from under me.
I’d spent nearly two weeks thinking we were well on our way to something serious.
We’d both clearly fought the attraction that had been brewing ever since we met.
But during our time in Tahoe, it felt like so much more than that.
There was a depth to our conversations that I’d never had with anyone else.
Quiet moments in the dark when we were curled up in bed together sharing secrets we’d never shared with anyone else—at least that had been the case for me.
Had I misread the situation that badly? Maybe that’s why I felt so thrown—I’d never been so wrong about someone before. I’d never taken such a needless risk and had not expected for it to blow up in my face so spectacularly.
Travis rubbed his chin. “I’m still wrapping my mind around the fact you took that risk in the first place. Was she really worth risking your job and potentially your friendship with Raf? He’ll be pissed if he finds out.”
I looked at him pointedly. “I don’t know. Was it worth risking your relationship with your daughter when you started hooking up with her best friend?”
His jaw dropped, and I only felt slightly guilty. He didn’t look away from me when he spoke next. “Sadie, can you give me a minute with Wyatt?”
She got up and gave him a quick kiss and then turned to me.
“It was worth it. I don’t know this girl or any of the details obviously, but I know you pretty well.
If you thought she was worth the risk, ask yourself why she might’ve pulled back.
Did you say or do something that made her question the situation?
And try to look at it from her point of view and consider if there was something that made her realize what you would lose by being with her. Just food for thought.”
She exited the living room, heading upstairs to their bedroom. Travis and I stared silently at each other until we heard their door close, but even in the silence I could tell my brother was pissed at me. His eyes had gone hard and his jaw was clenched.
His voice was low. “Don’t ever fucking question if the risk was worth it for the life I have with Sadie.”
I ducked my head. “I’m sorry. You’re right; that was uncalled for.”
“Does this woman mean that much to you?”
I respected my brother enough to look him in the eye when I answered. “Yes.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I’ve never fallen for anyone this hard or this quickly.”
“So what are you gonna do? Can you still work with her? Do you even want to?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything,” I said, my body sagging back against the couch cushions.
And I had no idea if a few days would be enough for me to forget what it felt like to touch her, to hold her, to feel whole.
I wasn’t sure a lifetime would be enough time.