33. Chapter 33
Ash
The sky was turning a deep purple by the time we left the spa, my body humming from the massage, my skin still warm and fragrant from the oils.
I felt undone in the best way. But I also felt so open, like my wall of indifference had crumbled, and now all the vulnerable parts inside had nowhere left to hide.
I wasn’t used to feeling quiet like this. An emotional type of quiet, one without worrying about constantly putting up defenses. I wasn’t used to feeling like I could just exist, as me, without having to perform.
Everyone was satisfied and tired from the day, and we each went back to our rooms. But I wanted to talk to Cassie. As the only other omega on the team, I felt she might have a unique understanding of what I was feeling.
I hesitated outside her door for a minute, then knocked and waited.
Cassie opened the door, standing there in a tank top and sleep shorts, her hair a long tangle of dark ringlets from being immersed in steam all day.
Her eyes widened slightly in surprise, then softened.
“Ash,” she said, her voice low and a little sleepy. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I murmured. “Um… is this a bad time?”
She smiled and reached for my hand. “No. Come in.”
I stepped inside and the scent of her sweet citrus perfume hit me, something I’d come to crave.
We sat on the bed, and I fiddled with the hem of the thick spa robe I still hadn’t taken off.
Finally, I said, “You know I’ve never really had this.
I’m not talking about the special spa treatments and the show fame, but people, who were honest and kind to me, for no reason. Not expecting anything from me.”
I looked up at her, and she waited, letting me speak.
“I think it’s obvious by now that I didn’t come from a great family.
They always treated me as more of a burden than anything else.
And the alphas I'd met before I’d come here, well, I didn’t have a great time with them.
They were a bit pushy, demanding, and overall rude.
So I never really cared to have a pack. I always thought I’d never have one. ”
Cassie listened with no judgement, and now I just wanted to spill everything.
“I was always quiet,” I said carefully. “Not really taken seriously by alphas, not submissive enough to be friends with omegas. I always felt out of place, like no one really cared.”
Her hand curled around mine, and I continued.
“I came here thinking I’d get exposure, money, some fame.
But now that I’ve met you, and Rys, and Jace and Leo - I’m feeling this new thing that I haven’t before.
It should be scary, but it’s not. I’m just not used to it.
” I was baring all my secrets to her, and she still didn’t seem to judge me.
She waited until I was done, then cleared her throat and spoke. “Well, I think you knew from the moment we met that I wasn’t exactly here to find true love either. I thought this show was a joke, honestly.” She admitted.
“I spent the last six months hiding because of a stupid moment that went viral. I figured if I was going to be famous, I could at least be famous for something else.” She shrugged, giving me a wry smile.
“But I feel the same way. Who could have known that we’d end up finding each other?
And such great team members.” She reached over to push a lock away from my forehead, and just the barest touch from her made me want to lean in more, curl up with her and touch her, be touched, be loved.
“And Ash, you are so wanted, by all of us. I don’t know how it happened, but throughout this show, I ended up caring about you, way more than I ever thought possible. You’re one of the best parts of all of this.”
I looked down, blinking as I felt emotions I hadn’t let out in years spring up behind my eyes. Her words touched something inside me I hadn’t even realized was still aching. I felt like I could be myself around her, and she actually wanted me. Not me as an omega - just me.
“Cassie.” I practically whispered. “Can I stay with you tonight?”
During our heats, we had slept in the big bed in the nesting room.
Rys, Jace and Leo had surrounded us, keeping us warm and safe.
I’d never felt so good, but I scarcely remembered that time, only getting glimpses of it through the haze of heat hormones.
Ever since I’d been back in my own room, I missed having someone hold me at night.
Cassie curled her arms around me, her sweet smell surrounding us. “Of course you can. Come here.” She pulled me into the bed, under her covers, and that’s where we stayed. After a few hours of giggling, talking, and just enjoying each other, we turned off the lights and settled in.
As the room fell to darkness, I felt her curl into me like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And I realized this was what I wanted in life.
All I needed was the steady beat of her heart, the feel of her fingers on my arm, and the certainty in my chest that I never wanted to spend another night without her.