24. Kit
Kit
Iwent through a bottle of whiskey a night just to scrape together a couple hours of sleep.
The only thing that stopped me from drinking a second was the man at the tavern who, out of well-founded concern, refused to sell me more than a bottle at a time.
And I wasn’t about to ask Penny to get me another.
My days, on the other hand, were spent confined to my office nursing hangovers that did nothing to improve my foul mood.
I was lucky, Merrick said, that he was still allowing me free range around town outside of working hours.
But damned if he was going to let me out of his sight in the Ossuary where there was damage I could do.
So, we sat in clear view of each other—doors open by his mandate—while the caverns were cleared out over the next week and work on the Vessel resumed.
Well, he sat, glowering at me between brief hushed meetings with the Death Watch, but I couldn’t bear to be still. I was well on my way to wearing a track into the floorboards with as much time as I spent pacing while my mind unraveled.
Philippa was dead. Dead to save Penny, who apparently had his own plans to die anyway. Die to save everyone because nothing I did worked. All I’d managed to do was make everything worse.
No matter where I went or what I did, I couldn’t escape this cycle.
I knew when I left Ashpoint the first time, and after Delmer died, that it was a bad idea to let anyone get close.
Historically, anyone I loved or who showed even the smallest level of affection toward me, met a premature end, usually as a direct result of choices I made.
And every time I lost someone, it was harder to recover.
If I lost Penny, there would be nothing left to recover.
The time since we argued had been a small taste of what that would be like. The house was tense and quiet. I couldn’t remember a time I’d felt so achingly lonely when there was someone else a room away.
We hadn’t spoken since that night.
Merrick kept me at the Ossuary until he left each evening, which was both curse for trapping me under his scrutiny, and blessing because it meant less time at home facing Penny’s prickly demeanor.
I got home well after dark, after dinner had gone cold, and once even after Penny had gone to bed.
His bed, since apparently the room at the end of the hall was just mine now.
To say that hurt would be an understatement. I’d have given anything to hold him, or for him to hold me, because I was drowning and I didn’t even know which way was up anymore.
Was I sinking or rising? There was dark as far as I could see no matter which direction I swam, and I was so, so tired, but I’d forgotten how to sleep without him. I relied on him too much, and now I was at a loss as to how I could possibly move forward.
I fretted about him constantly, and not just because he was offering himself up to the god who may well have been the cause of all suffering in the world.
He spent his days outside the safety of Ashpoint’s walls felling trees, or across town at the lumber mill with people whose loyalty I didn’t trust. Penny worried about wolves and falling logs, but I worried about the Death Watch and ceremonial knives.
About how easy it would be for them to catch him alone, and how quickly they could take him from me.
On the seventh day of my confinement, the whole of the Death Watch assembled in Merrick’s office as the sun was setting outside.
For the first time in a week, Merrick closed the door.
He didn’t leave me unattended, though; outside, he left the guard that accompanied the Sentinels with explicit instructions to ensure I didn’t go anywhere.
I couldn’t hear what was said in the Right Hand’s office, but the meeting didn’t last long.
Less than five minutes later, the door reopened, and the Sentinels filtered out while three messengers ascended the stairs and promptly took up the space the Death Watch had vacated in front of Merrick’s desk.
The door guard and most of the Sentinels disappeared down the stairs, but Violette lingered. She sauntered into my office wearing a grin like a shark, and dogged me as I moved to sit behind my desk.
“The seventh Oath has been set,” she said. There was an edge of vindictive glee to her voice that made my hair stand on end. “Everyone leaves tomorrow. Would you like to know what it is?”
“I imagine I’ll find out soon enough.”
My attempt to sound unbothered fell flat, and her grin turned sinister.
“The task is to burn down an entire town.” She perched on the edge of my desk and leaned on her hands to bring her face uncomfortably close to mine. “We’ve selected Forstford for the honor.”
My stomach dropped, and there was no way she missed my jerk of surprise.
“Wasn’t that your new hometown?” she asked, as if she didn’t already know. “Settled there under your mother’s name like nobody would ever find you.” She clicked her tongue. “You should have known better. We always knew where to find you if you ever decided to cause us trouble.”
My heart hammered against my ribs, and the overwhelming sensation of the floor tilting beneath my chair accompanied a wave of dizziness that swept over me. It was all I could do to measure my breaths and smother the instinct to gulp down a lungful of air.
Violette watched me, her expression predatory, and waited for me to mount some defense that I didn’t have the energy for.
When I finally found the words, my voice came out barely above a whisper. “It’s a backwater hamlet. Shouldn’t we be focusing on somewhere more significant?”
“Oh, but it is significant!” She reached up and tapped the tip of my nose with a finger, giggling when it made me jump.
“It’s significant to you. Why do you think we chose it?
Besides, you live here now. Coming here and completing your Oaths is about cutting ties with your old life, so trim it away like the dead flesh it is.
Prove you’re as dedicated to Eeus as you’ve always pretended to be.
It’s the only way you’ll have any hope of saving your Pretty Penny. ”
I wasn’t sure there was any way to save Penny anymore.
When I didn’t respond, she leaned in even closer. We were almost nose to nose. Her brows drew down low over her eyes, and her smirk gave way to a scowl.
“I see it now, you know. Your loyalties have always been divided. You’ve never been a true follower, always saying the right things so you could avoid notice for being the rebellious snake in our midst. And to think I ever thought I might love you.”
“I told you that you were dismissed, Violette.”
Merrick’s cold voice from the hall startled us both. Violette whipped around to face him where he leaned against the doorframe, and she pushed up off the desk.
“Go home,” he ordered.
She sneered at him and stalked past, her footsteps echoing on the stairs as she descended.
Exhaustion chased away my panic and left me feeling numb and hollow. But with Merrick there watching me crumble with no small amount of satisfaction on his face, I knew there was still one last way I had to hurt him. One last tiny act of vengeance before it was too late.
“Have either of you ever actually loved each other?” I asked. “Penny used to think it was sad, but I think it’s fitting since I doubt there’s a whole heart between the two of you.”
Merrick covered his surprise with a scoff. “What does love have to do with anything?”
It was about the answer I expected. I’d known from the beginning that a man like Merrick tied himself to someone else only for power, not affection. Still, that didn’t mean his pride couldn’t be wounded by pointing out that she hated him as much as he hated her.
“Violette loathes you.”
“And what does that matter?” His chuckle sounded forced. “I don’t need her to love me. Besides, my fondness for her went only as far as her ability to put me in close proximity to her brother.”
I propped an elbow on the edge of the desk and leaned in. “So now that Levitt’s gone, I suppose you’ll leave her? Since she’s past her usefulness?”
“Her name still carries weight here,” he replied with a sneer. “She might be useful yet.”
“I’m impressed that you put up with her infidelity all this time,” I said. I was too tired for vitriol, so my words came out more matter-of-fact than I meant them to.
Even still, Merrick’s face darkened and I could practically see his rage bubbling up to the surface.
“Certainly makes you look less in control of things than you claim to be,” I continued. “That doesn’t really do much in the way of increasing your power. Powerful men are usually more able to keep their spouses in line.”
“You know well enough that she manufactured those claims against you,” he said. “Thought she could fool Levitt and me with them.”
The fact that he expected me to believe her accusations against me months ago were her idea and not his was almost enough to make me laugh.
While I didn’t put it past Violette to come up with something like that on her own, I doubted she’d have done it in service of her husband.
She’d have had her own agenda. It would have served her, not him.
My smile in response only made him angrier. The vein at his temple throbbed, and a dark flush splotched across his face and neck.
“Oh, I’m not talking about me.”
His expression went blank, surprise momentarily overwhelming his fury until he reined it in again. “If not you, then who?” he ground out.
“You’re really unaware?” I propped my chin in my upturned palm with a nonchalance I didn’t actually feel. “They aren’t exactly discreet about it.”
“Who?”
I wanted to take some kind of pleasure in Merrick’s anger, in how little control he had over things in his personal life when he had so much over my fate. But none of this changed anything for me, for Penny. It was inflicting pain for pain’s sake. And it felt awful.
There was no going back now, though.
“You sure don’t want to suss it out yourself? It would be far more satisfying that way.”
Merrick stalked across the room, stopping on the other side of the desk so he could loom over me. He looked almost as angry as he had in the ritual room when he’d confronted me about the flooded caverns.
His chest heaved as he growled, “Tell me who.”
I hesitated. I could tell him I was lying, trying to get a rise out of him in retaliation for setting us all against Forstford. And maybe I should have, but I was done keeping secrets for people who didn’t deserve my protection.
“Klaus,” I said after a moment. “They’ve been carrying on for some time, from my understanding.”
Merrick sucked in a breath through gritted teeth, straightened, and brushed his hand down the front of his robes. It was like I was watching a bird settle and smooth its feathers. His lips twitched, but he kept his composure long enough to turn toward the door so I could no longer see his face.
“Go home. You have an Oath to prepare for.” He paused in the doorway and threw one last sharp glance at me over his shoulder.
“I’m sending people that I trust to oversee things while you’re on the road.
Just in case you thought you might come up with some foolhardy plan to try weasel your way out of it. ”
I wanted to tell him that he needn’t bother. My foolhardy plans were what got me into this mess, and I didn’t think I had it in me to concoct another one. The situation couldn’t get much worse, but it could still get worse.
And if there was even the slightest chance that going through with the seventh Oath meant Penny survived past the end of all this, I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.