Prologue #2
“Geez.” Aunt Tillie slapped her hand—the one holding the keys—against her face. “Just more unnecessary government bureaucracy. Haven’t I told you that all authority figures are unnecessary?”
“That does us no good now,” Thistle argued. “You have to deal with them. You’re the adult.”
“I really wish I’d left you in the woods,” Aunt Tillie grumbled. “Fine.” She shoved the pillowcase into Clove’s hand. “Don’t lose that and under no circumstances let them have it.”
Clove started shaking her head. “I don’t want to go to jail. I’m too pretty.”
“I’ll leave you out here for Bigfoot if you’re not careful,” Aunt Tillie warned. Her shoulders were squared when she climbed the rest of the distance to the road and started toward her truck. “Let me do the talking.”
I was fine with that, at least in theory.
Aunt Tillie pulled a fake smile out of the ether as we approached the two state troopers going over her truck. “Gentlemen, how may I help you this fine evening?”
Both of the troopers were indeed men. One was older, with a thick caterpillar-like mustache. Aunt Tillie called it a pornstache, but I only had a vague idea what that might mean.
The other trooper was younger, his face clean shaven. He didn’t seem as full of bravado as the older trooper.
“Is this your vehicle, ma’am?” the older trooper asked.
“I’m not answering any questions without a lawyer present,” Aunt Tillie replied. “And let me tell you something, my attorney is a firecracker. She’s going to make sure I own your house before it’s all said and done, Officer Gillette.”
“How do you know my name?” the trooper demanded.
“It’s on your shirt, genius,” Aunt Tillie replied, waving her hand. “It’s the same way I know that the little one with the peach fuzz is Officer Scoggins.”
Man, she really did have the eyes of a hawk. I couldn’t make out the names on their uniforms from this far away but she had no problem with it.
Gillette straightened. He seemed thrown for a moment, then recovered. “Ma’am, is this your vehicle?”
“What did I say? I’m not answering any questions until my attorney is present. She’s a shark.”
“You haven’t been charged with anything, ma’am. We’re just trying to ascertain if this is your vehicle.”
Aunt Tillie folded her arms across her chest. “Call my lawyer.”
I knew if I didn’t take control of this situation that it was going to spiral out of control.
“What’s the problem?” My nerves were showing when I stepped forward but I did my best to keep my face impassive.
“Is there a law about parking on the side of the road in the middle of the night?” If so, I should probably learn that one before I have to take my driving test.
“Actually, we stopped to make sure there wasn’t a problem,” Gillette replied. “We passed through here two hours ago and the vehicle wasn’t here. Now it is.” He cocked his head. “Is that your grandmother?”
“Grandmother?” Aunt Tillie sputtered. “I’m middle aged. What is he implying?”
“She’s our great-aunt and she’s nuts,” Thistle replied. “She brought us out here to hunt morels in the middle of the night because she’s nuttier than a squirrel hoarding for winter. If that’s a problem, tell us and we’ll be on our way.”
Gillette cast a sidelong look toward Scoggins. “Maybe we should call your mother? You’re all sisters, right?”
“Cousins,” I answered. “Our mothers know we’re with her. We go out with her all the time.”
“Your mothers willingly let you out with her?” Scoggins arched an eyebrow.
I nodded.
“To hunt morels at night?”
“I told you she’s nutty and lies to go on adventures,” Thistle said. “She’s not doing anything illegal. She’s weird and obnoxious and she will go to jail just to be right because that’s who she is. You’re wasting your time.”
“I’d feel better calling your mothers.” Gillette pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Can I have the number?”
I rattled it off for him. He got my mother on the phone right away, nodded his head a few times, then disconnected.
“Your mother says that your great-aunt is going to be in trouble when she gets home.” Gillette’s lips quirked. “You’re right. She says that your great-aunt is eccentric and you guys will be fine going home with her.”
“So can we go?” I asked. They still hadn’t moved away from the truck.
“Sure.” Gillette stepped back. His gaze was on Aunt Tillie as she swaggered toward her truck. “If you run into trouble, here’s my card.” He handed the rectangular piece of cardboard to me. “Your mother says you’re only five minutes from home, so you should make it back fine.”
“And if we don’t Bigfoot will eat us anyway,” Clove said mournfully. “There’s nothing you can do. You should save yourselves.”
Gillette sent her a small smile, then focused on me. “There’s nothing you need to tell me?”
Why was he focused on me? Why wasn’t he asking Clove? She was the easiest mark. Unless … oh, no. He did see a good girl when he looked at me. He assumed I was going to follow the rules. That wasn’t the Winchester way.
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Thistle was right about the nut thing. This is hardly the first time she’s taken us on an adventure in the middle of the night.”
Gillette didn’t look happy with that news, but he moved away so we could get into the truck.
“You can go now,” Aunt Tillie said pointedly as she rolled down the window. “You’re in my way.”
“I have one more question,” Gillette said. “Who is this lawyer that you’re going to throw at us if we arrest you?”
Aunt Tillie blinked. “I represent myself.” She floored it the second the words were out of her mouth, gravel churning everywhere.
We made it only a couple hundred feet down the road before the troopers hit their sirens.
“You always have to make it worse,” I complained as Aunt Tillie cursed under her breath and debated if she could outrun them. “Why do you always make it worse?”
“Because that’s my superpower.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Shh.” Aunt Tillie tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “It’s time to outrun ‘The Man.’ Buckle up, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”