12. Twelve #2
“Like what?” Aunt Tillie challenged.
“Like adult diapers,” Twila offered. “There’s no shame in it if you think you need them. We’re all going to be there one day.”
Aunt Tillie’s expression twisted. “You’re going to need adult diapers before me. Trust me on that. What are the three of you doing?” Suspicion lined her features. “Why are you all in here, huddled together? You’re up to something.”
“They say paranoia is a sign,” Twila added in a loud whisper. “I think Bay is right. She’s losing her marbles.”
I murdered Twila with a glare. “I did not say that.”
“Of course you did.” Twila shook her head. “You said Aunt Tillie was losing it and suggested your mother get her to a doctor. I’m not deaf.”
“You’re about to be dead,” I hissed. When I looked at Aunt Tillie, I found her glaring at me with the sort of cool detachment that meant I was in deep, deep trouble.
“She’s exaggerating,” I insisted. I had to save myself.
“You know Twila. She says nutty things and then accuses others of saying the nutty things because she forgets.” I twirled my finger by my ear, stealing Twila’s mannerism from five minutes before.
“Hey!” Twila recognized what I was doing. “That is not funny.”
This wasn’t about being funny, it was about survival. “You can’t trust the craziest one in the family to determine who is and isn’t crazy,” I said.
“Uh-huh.” Aunt Tillie’s expression was difficult to read. “And what do you think?” she asked Mom in an icy voice. “Do you think I’m nutty?”
“I’ve been standing up for you,” Mom replied. “But to be fair, I’m not sure there isn’t cause for concern.”
I took a step away from my mother, twirled my finger in my ear behind her back so only Aunt Tillie could see, and shook my head as if disagreeing. If Aunt Tillie was going to lose it, I did not want her to lose it on me. Not with FBI agents staying in the inn.
“So you think I’m senile,” Aunt Tillie said.
“Not senile,” Mom countered. “I would never use that word.”
“It’s too close to penile,” Twila added.
I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep a laugh from inadvertently bubbling up. This conversation was careening out of control.
“That’s not why,” Mom fired back. “I have no trouble saying the word penile.”
“It’s a weird word,” Twila said. “I mean, stretch it out. Penile. Penile. Penile.” She said it over and over. “It’s a very weird word.”
“Stop saying penile!” Mom exploded.
Footsteps on the hardwood floors had me jerking my gaze to the left. Landon and Chief Terry were surveying the room. They looked confused and maybe a little frightened.
“What’s going on?” Landon asked, his gaze bouncing between faces. “Is this about to turn into a ‘you’re on my list’ situation? If so, I need to get a cookie and some hot chocolate.”
Aunt Tillie’s eyes were slits of hate as she looked between Landon, Mom, and me. Apparently, Twila wasn’t worth mustering a glare. “I’m not senile. Why would you suggest that?”
“Nobody used the word senile,” I countered, opting to take control of the conversation. If Landon and Chief Terry were here, that meant Steve and Spencer weren’t far behind. I didn’t want them walking in on this conversation. “We’re worried because you’ve done a few weird things the last few days.”
“Not normal weird either,” Twila supplied. “Like weird weird.”
“Thank you, Twila,” Mom snapped. “Now zip it.” She was calm when she turned back to Aunt Tillie. “We think, maybe, you’re a bit confused. It can’t hurt to have a doctor check you out.”
“I’m not going to a doctor,” Aunt Tillie replied. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Landon and Chief Terry snorted. They focused on the ceiling so as not to make eye contact with her when Aunt Tillie jerked her gaze in their direction. If they were very still, they might be able to escape the conversation unscathed.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Aunt Tillie repeated. “Why would you even suggest something like that?”
“Because you danced naked on the ship last night and deny it,” Mom replied. “Clove knows what you look like.”
“Have you considered that Clove is lying?” Aunt Tillie snapped.
“Why would she do that?” Mom looked frustrated. “How does she benefit from something like that?”
“Why would I lie?”
“You wouldn’t.” Mom’s face filled with sadness. “That’s the reason we think it’s best you see a doctor.”
“There’s probably nothing wrong,” Twila added. “It’s just a doctor’s visit. Nobody is going to put you in a straitjacket and take you away.”
Mom was incredulous when she turned to her sister. “Why would you even mention something like that?”
“Because she’s slow,” Aunt Tillie replied. “We’ve always known that. Don’t pretend otherwise.” Her eyes moved to me. “I’m not senile. Tell them.”
There was nothing like being put on the spot. “Just tell me why you did the thing downtown today,” I prodded. “Why would you switch between the four-wheeler and scooter like that?”
Genuine confusion filled Aunt Tillie’s face. “I wasn’t in the four-wheeler today. I took the scooter for a quick buzz through downtown. The why is really none of your business.”
“We saw you,” I persisted. “We saw you on both.”
“You most certainly did not.”
“Yes, we did.”
Aunt Tillie’s eyes blazed. “No, you didn’t.”
“But we did.”
Aunt Tillie stomped her foot. “You’re making that up to mess with me. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.” She flounced back in the direction of the swinging door, then swung back around. “I’m not falling for this. You can’t mess with me.”
“Nobody is messing with you,” Mom argued. “We’re worried.”
“Well, worry about this.” Aunt Tillie’s lips spread into a sneer. “You’re all on my list, and you’re going to regret messing with me.”
“Nobody is messing with you,” Mom insisted again. “We simply want to take you for a quick visit to the doctor. I’ll call and make an appointment for tomorrow.”
“For yourself, because I’m not going.”
“You need to go.”
“I’m not going and you’re all going to pay for pretending this should be a thing.” Aunt Tillie’s eyes were wild. “I wasn’t exaggerating. You’re all on my list.” She stormed through the swinging door.
“Well, that went well,” Mom said after a few seconds.
“I told you it wasn’t a good idea,” Twila said. “Nobody listens to me.”
Mom jabbed a finger at her sister. “Now you’re on my list.”