21. Demi
Friday nights at The Bridger were always chaotic. I bet I walked five miles going back and forth from one end of the bar to the other. My feet were killing me, and I couldn’t wait to take a shower and relax.
Opening the door to the apartment, I wasn’t surprised to see Cannon on the couch playing Call of Duty. His dark hair was mussed and slightly damp. He always got home before me because after the bar closed, I had to stay behind and clean up.
He looked back over his shoulder, his smile making my legs go all jelly, and it had nothing to do with having been on them for the last several hours.
I hadn’t made any progress on getting my head or my heart to get on board the friend-ship. Pun intended. Not that I expected my feelings to go away in a matter of days, but I had hoped they would begin to lessen, but no such luck. I’d also thought that staying away from him would help, but that hadn’t either. If anything, it had made me miss and want him more.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re home,” he said, his voice wrapping me up like a hug.
Ugh. Did he have to be so cute? It was a normal thing to say to your friend or roommate, but hearing him say it made me want to go sit next to him and snuggle into his side. That wasn’t what friends did, though, so I refrained.
I gave him a small smile back. “It’s good to be home. Tonight was brutal.” I shucked off my shoes, shuffling toward the bathroom. I bet I looked more like a zombie than a human right now.
“Yeah, it was crazy busy tonight. You seemed to handle it well, though.”
“I didn’t look like I was barely surviving and trying not to fall over?” I asked.
He laughed. “No, not at all.”
I loved his laugh. Neither of us had been laughing as much as we usually did with each other, and it was nice to hear his laughter again.
I took a shower, rinsing off the remnants from working at the bar. I threw on a silk lilac pajama short set and was about to get in bed like I’d been doing the last several nights, but thinking of Cannon sitting on the couch a few feet away with his charming smile and swoon-worthy laugh had me opening my door to go out and join him.
After we’d texted the other night, I had felt better about our situation. Cannon had his own struggles he needed to work through, and I wanted to be there to support him, even if it didn’t push us in the direction of a romantic relationship. I wanted him to be happy.
Stepping out into the living room, I was glad that he was still there and hadn’t gone to bed himself. It was past two in the morning, and the fact that he stayed up late every time I worked had my heart doing a happy dance. It was thoughtful and sweet and made me want to wrap my arms around him.
I mentally smacked myself. That was the second time in less than thirty minutes I had thought about cuddling up to him. I needed to get a grip. Having a game controller in my hands should help keep them off Cannon. Hopefully.
“Hey, do you have room for me over there?” I asked.
His eyes left the screen, landing on me, his gaze raking over me. My skin felt feverish from his stare alone.
“Always,” he said, his voice gravelly and oh, so sexy.
I had to work not to sigh. Was it awful of me that I loved how I had such an effect on him? Even in my pajamas, no makeup, and wet hair, he looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
When I sat down next to him, I made sure to leave at least half a cushion between us, hoping it would stop me from reaching out and touching him while we played. I had a reputation for not being good at keeping my hands to myself when we played video games together.
We joined a new game of Call of Duty, and although I had gotten better over the last month, I still died way too many times. At least now, the group chat didn’t blow up with how awful I was, so I was definitely improving.
We then switched over to Mario Kart, and it didn’t take long for us to fall back into our usual rhythm. Soon we were laughing and trash-talking (maybe a little flirting too), and all felt right in the world, as cheesy as that sounded.
“I’ve missed this,” he said. “I’ve missed you.”
My eyes locked on his. “Me too.” Yes, to both of those. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed this, missed him, until now.
The moment stretched out, a sense of longing pulsing between us. As much as I wanted to go to him, I stayed where I was. If we couldn’t hang out without something eventually happening, we’d never be able to go back to being friends.
Friends. We both wanted to be friends. Friends, friends, friends. Did repeating something over and over make you eventually believe it? It was worth a try.
I wanted to be friends with Cannon.
I wanted to respect his wishes.
I wanted to keep the friendship he and I had built.
I did not want to ruin what we had.
I did not want to climb on his lap, straddling him while I took his face in my hands and thoroughly kissed him.
Crap. I’d totally gotten off track there. Thinking like that would definitely not keep me from crossing the friendship line. The longer we sat here the more dangerous things would get.
I set my controller down on the ottoman. “We should go to bed.”
His brows rose as he gave me a mischievous grin.
“You know that’s not what I meant,” I chastised.
“I don’t know,” he said playfully. “You were definitely giving me bedroom eyes.”
“Whatever!” I protested. “I wasn’t even looking at you when I said it.”
He laughed, and I went to smack his chest, but he caught my wrist before it made contact. The feeling of his hand around my wrist, the shock of skin to skin, made both of us freeze. It could have been one second or ten, but he dropped my wrist, seeming to come back to himself.
“You’re right.” He looked away from me. “We should go to our own separate rooms and go to sleep.”
I didn’t need the clarification, but had he? It sounded like he was almost trying to talk himself into that.
I rubbed my hands against my thighs. “Yeah, that’s definitely what we should do.” I slowly stood up. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I put on a smile, hoping to deescalate the situation, but he had leaned his forearms against his legs and was staring down at the carpet.
“Sounds good.” His gaze remained down, but I could see the muscles in his jaw clenching.
I guessed that was my cue to leave.
I made it to the hallway, then looked back to find him still in the same position.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly. Had I done something wrong? I shouldn’t have tried to touch him. Curse me and my touchiness.
He lifted his head, his blue eyes stormy. “Yes. This is me trying not to kiss you.”
A breath whooshed out of me, my hand tightening its hold on the wall. Usually self-control was looked upon as a great quality to have, but right now I wished Cannon didn’t have so much.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, worried that I’d already gone back on my word of not pushing him for anything.
“No, Demi. You didn’t do anything wrong. Everything about you is too right. Too perfect.” His face was a mixture of torture and awe, like it was taking everything in him to resist what he wanted.
I wanted to speak up, to point out that the only person holding him back, holding us back, was him. All his worries, all his fears, were keeping him from being happy, from letting himself love and be loved. But I couldn’t say anything. I’d told him I’d go along with his wish to remaining just friends. Plus, I doubted there was anything I could say right now to change his mind. The only thing I could do to help him now was to go to bed.
I ducked my chin, wishing things were different, but that wasn’t up to me.
I dropped my hand and headed to my room. Once the door clicked shut, I went straight for my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could continue living with Cannon if this was how it was going to be. It was too hard to stay just friends when we spent late nights together, slept only feet away from each other, spent our mornings together. It was too much.
I hadn’t saved up enough money to get my own place yet, and as much as I didn’t want to move back in with my parents, it would be better than being tempted by Cannon’s closeness. I would talk to my parents at our next family dinner. That was only a week and two days away. I could last nine more days living with Cannon, right?
Images of him teasing me, smiling at me, laughing with me, asking me about my day, waiting up for me until I got home, flew through my mind like a reel.
Yeah, the next nine days were going to be a bittersweet torture.