25. THE ONE WITH SWEET DREAMS
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
THE ONE WITH SWEET DREAMS
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By the time the night’s over and we’re headed back to my place, it’s almost midnight and my belly hurts from laughing so much.
I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun.
Which, sadly, just kind of proves Frankie’s point. I have gotten uptight.
We stopped to eat after the tour and then popped into a couple late night shops where West bought an I Heart Cougars T-shirt, promising to turn it into a crop top just for me.
Frankie says her goodnights, shuffling up the stairs and into the house. I know she’ll be stripped into a T-shirt and burritoed up in my bed when I get inside.
Enzo steps away to take a call, leaving West in charge of requesting a car.
“Does that sign say late-night ice cream?” Kell marvels, eyes growing wide.
I nod. “It’s a locally owned creamery.” The words are barely out of my mouth before he’s sprinting towards the corner.
He calls over his shoulder, “text me if anyone wants anything!”
West puffs a laugh through his lips as he finishes what I’m assuming is requesting a ride back to wherever they’re staying in Boston. The look on his face when he glances over his shoulder at Kell has me wondering more about who the youngest is in this group of men.
“How do you know Kell?” I ask.
His gaze flicks to mine, and for a second I think I see panic, but it vanishes before he answers.
“He got off at the wrong bus stop when we were in elementary school, followed us home like a lost puppy, and he’s kinda just been around ever since.
” He pauses, and I can’t help but feel like West’s leaving something out.
“His parents wanted him to go to grad school. He wanted to move abroad and take a gap year. I convinced them to let him come on tour with me instead. That way he gets, at the very least, a gap semester, he scratches his travel itch, and his parents don’t have to worry about him all alone in a foreign country. ”
I scrunch my brows, and he returns the look. “I know what you’re thinking, Josette. Why would anyone let their child, grown or not, come on the road with me?”
The way he says my full name sends a featherlight touch of warmth down my spine. There are very few people who still call me that—who I allow to call me that—and I think West can be another exception.
He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Picture Kell alone in a foreign country for a second…” West pauses, and I do.
Nope, yep, much safer on tour with West.
“Exactly, but also I’m fun and know how to take people’s minds off the bad stuff.” The playful scrunch of his brows softens, and I get a glimpse of the man he’s hiding behind the comedian.
“Who helps you take your mind off the bad stuff?” The question comes out the second it crosses my mind.
His lips pull up in a smile I’ve never seen from him before, one I’m not sure I understand yet. “I’m in therapy, Joey baby. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about me.”
It’s usually the happiest person who’s hiding a closet full of the biggest skeletons. I wonder what West doesn’t let anyone else see, what hides in the dark when he’s alone in the quiet.
“Are you okay?” he asks, taking me by surprise. Wasn’t the spotlight just pointed at him?
“What?” There are at least ten question marks floating at the end of the word. Am I okay?
I don’t know how to answer that question.
“Hex has a face.” West looks at me like I’m the only person in the entire world, and it scares the fucking shit out of me—almost as much as having a conversation about the post I made today does.
I texted Frankie to see what she was doing tonight right after it went live, needing some kind of distraction. Even though I told myself I wouldn’t talk to West until Friday, unless it was business, I texted him too.
Mostly because I wanted to see him, though I won’t fully accept that as the only reason, and tell myself it’s important to set clear expectations of what our friendship looks like moving forward. Especially when the world is going to have something to say about everything we do from this moment on.
I’m not the girl West is looking for. I’m something he feels he can’t have, so naturally he’s obsessed with trying to get it.
A shiny toy.
My newness will fade, and he’ll move on.
It’s better this way.
For me. For him. For everyone.
“Oh, that.” I roll my eyes and deflect. “It’s no big deal,” I lie.
West crosses his arms over his chest, and I can’t help my eyes dart down in hopes I’ll catch a glimpse of the muscles flexing underneath his LOLondon hoodie.
No luck.
“You’re a shit liar,” he scrutinizes.
“I am not.” Staying strong under the knowing stare West holds on me is impossible. “It’s just a video. It’s not like they hadn’t seen my face already.”
West sighs and lets his arms fall to his sides.
He flexes his hands like he needs to give them something to do.
“You can talk to me, you know? I’m in this with you.
” I think he might reach out and touch me, but he doesn’t, and I’m only mildly disappointed.
“I might not be in the exact situation you’re in, but I am the other half of this fake relationship. ”
The words hang between us, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to say back. He’s right. I should confide in the one person who’s going through this with me, but that means opening up and ripping my broken pieces out to put them on display.
I can’t do that.
I’ve done that before, and it took me too long to stitch myself back up.
Before I can get my brain to process words to speak, West interrupts. “Other than money or a new job, what are you hoping to accomplish by the end of this tour?”
My ponytail brushes over my shoulder when I tilt my head to one side, opening my mouth to tell him I’m only interested in money, but his eyebrow raising cuts me off.
What do I want?
I catch my bottom lip in between my teeth and look down. Early leaves falling from trees scatter around my feet. I used to know what I wanted. At every stage of my life I had a goal and a clear plan on how to achieve it.
For the first time, I have no idea what happens next.
I know I need to get a job.
I know I need to make money until I find something long-term.
But outside of those two things, I don’t know what I want next in life.
I’m almost a month from turning thirty-two, and I’ve never allowed myself to go with the flow. What would happen if I loosened the reins enough to see where life can take me without big, structured plans?
When I look up from the invisible hole I’ve stared into the ground, I take a breath and catch West’s comforting gaze.
“I’d like to get to know who I am when I let go of everyone else’s expectations and stop trying to prove I’m good enough.
” I’ve been living under the weight of what others expected me to be all my life, with a preconceived reputation brought on by a mother who’d grown up in the same boring hometown.
I might have been young, but they weren’t quiet when they whispered about the strip club I’d end up at when I grew into my hips—again, their words, not mine.
“I think I’d like to get to know her too.” West’s smile chases away the cold fear threatening to paralyze me for this out of the ordinary decision I’m making.
Car lights beam down the street, announcing the car’s arrival before it pulls up to the curb outside my house. The neon logo on the dash acts as the Bat Signal for the boy’s getaway car.
“What about you, Hotshot?” I ask, curious to know what West is hoping to get out of all this.
Clumsy footsteps echo down the street, followed by what I can only assume is Kell screaming around a spoonful of ice cream. “Way foh eeee!”
We both turn in his direction and watch Kell nearly eat shit and lose the three cups of ice cream balancing between his hands.
“I hope to have more nights like tonight,” West tells me softly, like it’s a secret.
He caught me staring at him at least ten times throughout the night. This time, it’s me who catches him staring, and he’s much closer than he was before.
West grazes the bottom of my chin with his thumb so delicately, I almost wonder if I imagined it. “And I really look forward to hearing your laugh some more, Joey baby. It’s healing something inside me.”
Kell somehow manages to make it to us without losing anything.
I hadn’t realized West took a step back until the smell of his cologne is no longer wrapping around me like a safe hug.
“Wah-one?” Kell offers, talking around the spoon in his mouth.
I shake my head, unable to trust my voice.
“I was gone for eight minutes and you’ve found ice cream?” Enzo breaks my trance, reminding me to put some more space between myself and West.
“I got something with almonds in it for you,” Kell informs Enzo with a smile.
My ears pop when I swallow down a swell of nerves.
West catches a cup of something chocolate before it hits the ground.
“Nice catch!” Kell exclaims, passing the other ice cream to Enzo before disappearing inside the waiting car. “Bye, Jo! See you tomorrow!” he yells before closing the door.
I give him a stiff wave, doing the same to Enzo when he grumbles something about Kell after saying his goodbye.
“Night, West.” I’m finally able to speak, my voice’s smoothness shocking me. I don’t feel anywhere near as calm as I sound.
“Goodnight, Joey.” West scoops a bite of chocolate ice cream into his mouth, twisting the pink spoon upside down and using his tongue to clean it off before returning it to the cup. “I hope you have sweet dreams.”
West’s sticky lips and sugary tongue are the thoughts that keep me up all night, tossing and turning in bed next to my best friend.