41. THE ONE WITH LILLY HOLLOW
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
THE ONE WITH LILLY HOLLOW
WestParkerComedy posted a collaboration video with HexedHeroine: Blacked out on Halloween. Might have sold my soul. Will report back
Comment: Their lips are touching!!!
Comment: If this is fake I’m gonna sue for emotional distress
Comment: Do you see the way he’s LOOKING AT HER?! Ain’t nooo way that’s fake!
Comment: Hahahahaha I’m gonna die alone *sob*
Comment: Does anyone know if it’s best to bathe with your toaster in hot or cold water?
The show is a few hours earlier tonight, and I’ve already told the boys if they’re going out, they’re going alone.
I’m thirty-two next week, and after the hours I’ve put into this last one, I fucking feel it.
West, Enzo, and Kell are dealing with sound check while I do a quick freshen up in the RV. While I didn’t sleep many nights in here, it has been kind of nice to have a dressing room on wheels.
I can’t be bothered with anything Frankie would approve of tonight, choosing cozy-casual as an excuse to wear my favorite leggings. I leave my hair down in long waves and throw on a simple white long sleeve and my oversized jean jacket with my Docs.
When I’m on my way out, my phone rings. I half expect it to be Frankie—I swear she knows when I think about hers sometimes, but the caller ID doesn’t flash with my best friend’s picture or her name.
Maybe: Lilly Hollow rolls across the top of the screen.
I freeze, staring until I’m sure it’s going to be too late for my body to react and answer the call.
I hit Answer on what may be the last ring. “Hello?” Thankfully, my voice doesn’t quiver like my stomach does.
“Hi, is Jo Daniels there?” A confident voice I recognize from videos makes this situation suddenly click. “This is Lilly Hollow from Hell & Hollow Publishing.”
“Hi Lilly, yes, this is Jo.” I plop down on the two-seater couch, forcing my attention to the phone call and nothing else.
“Jo!” Lilly says excitedly. “Hi! I apologize for the call out of nowhere and again for the emails, but I’ve always been called aggressive, so…
” I can hear her shrug, smiling at how well I can relate.
“I’ve been traveling nonstop the last two weeks and finally have an hour to myself. Is now an okay time for you?”
Even if it weren’t, I’d make it be. “Now’s great,” I tell her, nibbling on the inside of my lip. “And don’t be sorry. I should be sorry for taking so long to get back to you.”
“I’ve learned over the years everything happens at its own pace, whether we like it or not.
” I’m glad she doesn’t pull the usual, good things take time, line.
“I know you’re busy, so I’ll try to make this quick.
Let me start by telling you how fun the last few weeks have been watching your platform grow.
The way you came back after being doxxed is exactly the kind of power I want emanating through Hell & Hollow.
You pivoted when you had no other choice.
It’s what we’re wired to do as women in business.
” Lilly dives into the company’s ethics, pushing the importance of marginalized voices and stories.
“I started this publishing company because I was sick of listening to what men thought women wanted to read. I knew what they wanted to read. I was a woman in the publishing industry, but before that, I was a reader telling everyone what we wanted, and no one would listen.”
As I listen to her talk, my nerves disappear almost entirely. I kick my feet in silent excitement. I can’t even believe this is my real life.
Lilly fucking Hollow knows who I am. Lilly fucking Hollow reached out to me!
She continues. “I want the directors working beside me to not only reflect my own values, but to live them in their everyday life.” I hear the smile on her lips when she speaks again.
“Before I came across your professional profile, I’d thought to myself multiple times over the three years I’ve followed Hex, how unfortunate it was I couldn’t find someone like her but with a business background too.
” She laughs, sighing at the end. “See? Everything happens at its own pace.”
She goes on to tell me about the position she’s looking to fill.
Chief of Marketing at Hell & Hollow Publishing. Jo Daniels, CMO. I picture the title in my email signature.
The company’s ready for a big rebrand next year, financially in a position to up the ante and help more writers get their stories out there.
The budget she has is massive. I almost drool when we start talking numbers.
Lilly asks about my professional life, my time at Harvard, and bluntly follows with the admission that she knows I was let go from Vyce Talents.
We talk about that for a while and how it led me to where I am now. “I hadn’t been happy for a long time. I was going through the motions of a life I’d worked really hard to get, just to feel, for lack of a better word, hollow, when I was let go from a company I’d taken such a big risk on.”
I think it’s why I’m so afraid to take them now… On top of everything else.
I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize that.
“And then I met West, in the most unconventional way, but my life changed overnight. I went from VP to the unemployed woman behind Hex’s mask.
” I don’t know why I’m telling Lilly this—it’s probably because she’s a stranger, and it’s easier, but I think it might be the first time I’m registering why I’ve been fighting this with him so hard.
“When West asked me to come on tour with him the first time, I laughed in his face…” I hear Lilly chuckle on the other end of the phone like she understands.
“And then the video went viral and the businesswoman in me went nuts. I saw dollar signs.” There are still so many dollar signs.
I’ve made more money in six weeks than I did an entire year at Vyce.
“I hadn’t thought at all what this would do for me.
Personally.” I bite my lip. “The happiness it would bring back into my life.”
There’s a moment of silence, but it doesn’t feel taut or out of place.
“So, is this your way of saying you’re not interested in the position because you’ve found your forever?” The way Lilly asks the question makes me pause.
What is she really asking?
Is this thing with West my forever… Or is he?
“I would definitely never, ever, not in a million years tell Lilly Hollow I’m not interested in a job she’s calling me about.
” We both laugh at that. “I’m not an influencer.
I mean—” I take a breath and roll my eyes.
I have to stop feeling silly when I say it.
It’s a hard, hard thing to do. I respect the people who make this their entire lives.
I’ve just never wanted it to be mine. “I guess, I am… Now. But that’s something I want to do after work as an escape, after going into Corporate America and paving the way for the women like us of the future. ”
Tattoos and what I like to do in my personal time should have no measure on who I am as a business professional.
I can have both. I deserve both.
“I was really bummed when I saw your first email was from before all this happened…” I don’t realize I’m telling her this until the words are already out.
“I fought with every what-if I could for hours. What if I had seen this email when you first sent it? What if I had, but it wasn’t the right time? ”
What if I had taken the job and never met West?
What if I never met West?
That’s the part I think about the most.
I wouldn’t have been sulking on the couch, and Frankie wouldn’t have forced me to get dressed up on what felt like the worst day of my life.
I wouldn’t have had a one-night stand that rewired my brain chemistry.
Hex wouldn’t have been doxxed… And I’d still be the same scaredy-cat I was before, with a big girl job hiding behind a mask.
“We all have those what-if moments. I have a few myself.” Talking to Lilly gives me this sense of calm I wasn’t expecting. “It’s the true tell of a good businesswoman, I think.”
I nod, staring off into a daze when I reply. “I’m glad I didn’t see it.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but it’s the truth, and I think that’s what Lilly’s looking for.
Lilly doesn’t hesitate to respond. “Me too. You needed to find yourself.” This woman doesn’t know me, but she gets me.
Sometimes you just know… and I can feel it.
“Listen, Jo.” The world around me slows.
“I was interested in interviewing you before I knew you were Hex. Finding out you’re both only makes me more confident this is the right fit for my company. ”
Hearing those words sends a rush of something I don’t recognize careening through my bloodstream. Pride? Relief? Dread? I don’t have time to process it before she continues. “But.”
No, not a but…
“That doesn’t mean that Hell & Hollow is the right fit for you.” Time stops completely, and life comes crashing in behind it. “I want you to think about this offer, because the job’s yours if you want it.”
Holy fucking shit.
I don’t interrupt, but my hand does shoot over my mouth just to make sure.
“As your fan, I want you to consider what you want your life to look like in five, ten years. Where do you want to be, and who do you want there with you? Take it from me… It’s lonely at the top if you have no one to share it with. It took me a long time to learn that.”
God, Lilly, what do you know that I don’t? I slowly drop my hand to my lap, picking at the edge of my jacket. Of course, the woman who runs a multi-million-dollar company named Hell & Hollow would have some kind of divine intuition.
“As a hungry business owner though, I’m willing to negotiate pay to get what I want.
Keep that in mind… Even if you do plan on accepting.
” I watch droplets of misty rain start to scatter the windshield of the camper.
“This is a huge opportunity, and I want the person I bring in to be all in. If you want to see dollar signs, fine. Think of all the money we could make. But…” Another fucking but!
“If you want to think of paving the way for women like you, for women like us, then this is the start of that.”
Hell & Hollow is a dream, but it won’t be easy. She’s entrusting me to build an entirely new marketing department from the ground up. Lilly and her business partners have been handling it, well, I might add, until now… But it’s time to let someone like me take the lead.
I’ll be busy. I will live, eat, and breathe this new position for who knows how long. Could be the rest of my life… Is that what I see in five or ten years?
“When would you like me to have an answer for you?” I ask, finally breaking my silence.
“Before Thanksgiving. I have another candidate I told I’d let know by then, but I wanted to hold off until I got the chance to speak with you. You're my first choice, Jo, but I need the position filled and ready to start after the New Year.”
Three weeks.
I have three weeks to decide what I want.
I do know what I want, but I’m scared to admit, even to myself. I think I also know who I want… But my who deserves someone who’s all in, and I’m not sure I’m there yet.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be there.
Lilly sends me the official offer before we get off the phone.
I knew the budget was big, but I hadn’t thought my pay would be too.
“Oh, and one more thing. I believe this goes without saying, but I think you need to hear it. I don’t want you to give up Hex for Hell & Hollow.
I want you to bring Hex and her energy with you. You can have both.”
I can have Hex and the career of my dreams… That’s my what.
But can I have my what and who or will I always be my own worst enemy?