Chapter 5
Istepped out into the rain because the inside of my own head had gotten too loud.
At this point, the cold felt like the only thing left that I fully understood.
The downpour wasn't much, just a thin drizzle, enough to take the hard edges off the world and smear out the chaos waiting behind me.
Every drop hit my skin like a small middle finger to the stuffy air of the compound.
I slipped through the door and went looking for one quiet minute away from the thoughts stacking up in my skull.
I scanned the locked courtyard for something to anchor me, and there he was. Ryker, stretched out in the wet grass in raccoon form like the weather had been built for him. I smirked before I could stop myself.
The rain was doing for him what nothing else had managed in days. He lay there like he owned the damn place, all scruffy fur and zero cares, and something familiar tugged at my chest. Just Ryker and me now, tucked into our little pocket of wet grass and dying daylight.
I settled down next to him and let the grass soak through my jeans and creep up my back.
I didn't ask him to shift. Didn't need to say anything, not yet.
The quiet between us was the first decent break I'd had from the madness inside, where everything still buzzed.
I let the rain have me instead, soft enough to coax some of the tension out of my shoulders.
His little raccoon breaths fell in with the rain, and the warmth in my chest refused to quit.
He rolled onto his back, paws flopping in the air, not a care in the world.
I half expected one of those tiny raccoon grins, beady eyes lit up with trouble.
Instead he just settled in, letting the rain patter across his fur, like the whole world could go to hell in a handbasket as long as he got this minute.
A laugh slipped out of me. I leaned over and nudged his little raccoon elbow with mine, just to bug him.
Stupid, but I did it anyway. He flicked an ear my way and pretended he hadn't noticed.
The snicker bubbled up as I flicked water at him with my fingers.
It only ruffled his fur, but a second later his elbow thudded back into my ribs, just enough to tell me he was awake, aware, and still up for it.
Thunder grumbled somewhere off past the trees, and neither of us cared.
I scooted closer, laughing harder now. It felt good, the laughing.
Every bump and splash knocked another chunk of weight off my shoulders that I hadn't even noticed piling up there.
Easy to just exist out here. No demands, no expectations. Just Ryker and me in the rain.
At some point we both went still. Maybe it was the rain, soft but relentless, settling us down.
Ryker had gone back to pretending I wasn't there, even with the trouble still glinting in his beady eyes.
These were the good ones, these moments.
No explaining, no performing, just two people in the same wet patch of grass not needing to say a word about it.
Time slid around on us while we lay there.
The rain kept coming, and I lost track of how long we stayed put, two idiots letting the world be a mess somewhere else for once.
I turned my head to look at him, and for whatever reason, he felt like the safest thing between me and everything waiting inside.
Then he shifted, slow and deliberate, the decision made without a single word.
Fur folded back into the shape of a man, Ryker again, the change so smooth it looked like nothing more than peeling off a layer.
Mud and grass clung to his jeans. His hair was a wild mess.
I grinned at him, at the half-amused, half-curious look on his face as he settled in beside me, angled my way, dragging me back into the real world easier than I expected.
The darkening sky did whatever it wanted, clouds dragging past in grays and blues. We lay there not touching but close enough to, and the space between us felt like its own kind of comfortable. No words, no noise, just the steady drum of rain coming down.
After a while, he looked toward the compound. I followed it to the gold light spilling out of the kitchen window, where Kearan was probably doing whatever Kearan did when he wasn't cleaning up after someone else.
Ryker didn't point. Didn't say a word.
The set of his jaw said it for him, and it landed on something I'd only just started to understand. That was where I was supposed to be. Not hiding out here, but walking straight into the thing Kearan and I had been quietly building without either of us calling it what it was.
Both Ryker and Kearan wanted the other to go first.
Which meant I would have to be the one who made the decision.
Kearan. It would be Kearan I'd mate next.
I stayed a little longer, stretching the minute out in the gray half-light. Ryker didn't shove me off, didn't break whatever this was. I sat, easy and familiar, the air practically humming around us. Then, when staying got harder than going and my nerve came back, I gave him one last look.
"You know this grass is gonna ruin my jeans.
" I broke the quiet with a smile instead of anything grand, a dumb little joke tossed out like an olive branch.
He cut me a sideways look, amusement flickering behind those sharp eyes.
Whatever was between us went light, hovering right there at the surface.
He picked a blade of grass off his knee, all fake casual. "That's what they're for. They've got a whole life ahead of them. Jeans are just waiting to get dirty."
I laughed and flicked water at him like that might buy me a bigger smile. He rolled his eyes, playing along, and for one second it felt like getting back something I'd lost. Every little laugh chipped away at the fear I'd been carrying.
The rain kept washing over us while we went back and forth, elbows knocking, water beading up on the grass between us. It was harmless and it was good, and it felt like something to hold onto before whatever came next.
Eventually the playing wound down, each laugh trailing off into the sound of rain tapping the ground.
Neither of us said it, but we both knew the world out past this patch of grass still existed.
For now, we had this. Lying there with the damp grass curling against my skin, I felt the quiet swell back up between us, that low hum of being aware of each other.
Something had set between Ryker and me, some balance that mattered. He wasn't trying to rush me anywhere. He just kept nudging my focus toward that light, toward the warmth coming off the kitchen, toward the bonds that needed building instead of breaking.
When the quiet stretched long enough, I looked back at him, lying there steady and warm enough to make everything else feel like background noise. "Guess it's time I head back." The reluctance came through whether I wanted it to or not. The words landed heavier than I meant them to.
Ryker met my eyes and gave me a small nod that said plenty. Encouragement, no shove behind it, just steady. Go on.
I didn't move right away. I wanted to keep the little bit of calm sitting between us a few seconds longer.
He stayed put beside me, the tension bleeding out of his frame while I worked up the nerve to stand. The air hung heavy with all the stuff we hadn't said, and underneath it sat something almost like anticipation. Maybe he was coming around after all.
And when I turned for the compound, glancing back one more time at Ryker still sprawled in the wet grass, the space between us didn't feel like a gap. It felt like a line that would hold, no matter what was brewing.
I went inside, rain-damp and steadier than I'd left. Ryker stayed out there, back to a raccoon shape in the grass.