16. Ryder
Ryder
If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that the Alice I knew four years ago is not the Alice that she is today.
The Alice I knew was curious, an overthinker, avoided risk, and, well, she was kind of introverted.
She loved being a part of a team because she didn’t want to stand out individually, and it kept her circle small, but she was deeply loyal.
She was always very responsible, reliable, and committed, but the Alice I saw at her event was all those things and more.
Gone is the introverted girl, and in its place is an extroverted woman.
She was confident and playful, and everything was meticulously organized.
She thought of everything, anticipated any problem that might occur, and did it all while fostering a large team bond.
She was a force of nature with the kids, volunteers, and their parents, and not once did she look overwhelmed or nervous.
She’s changed, and it makes me wonder why.
Is this part of growing up and becoming an adult, becoming comfortable in her own skin, or does this have anything to do with the conversation I had with my mom at dinner?
I’ve thought a lot about her mission statement and the core pillars of the Mighty Monarchs that she is teaching to these kids. What sparked this?
After the event, I did some research, and nonprofits really only form for one of three reasons: a societal gap, a community need, or a cause.
There really isn’t a societal gap. There are tons of club cheerleading programs. Is there a community need?
Maybe. It never hurts to have a bigger network or support system.
Especially for those who can’t commit to a full season, this allows them to be a part of something.
And as for the cause, I’m not sure. Why did she really feel the need to take this on?
I can see there are a lot of moving pieces that go into it.
Currently, I’m in Seattle in my hotel room.
It’s my first time in this city, and to be honest, the flight sucked.
It took a long time to get here, and then when we did, it was raining.
It’s still raining. Raining and surprisingly cold.
The guys said it’s always like this, to get used to it, but after living in the South for my entire life, I think I’ll pass.
Some of the team are going out to dinner tonight, but most are staying in and eating in the hotel.
Kickoff is at one twenty-five tomorrow, and then once we’re done, we’ll fly home.
“So you decided to go out,” I say to Camden as he emerges from the bathroom. He’s dressed in typical Camden wear, which is more business attire than casual. There’s a reason his nickname is Superman.
“Yeah, there’s a coffee shop here I want to buy some beans from.”
Coffee? That’s interesting. I wonder if he goes out and gets things to take home from all the cities we travel to? It wouldn’t surprise me.
“Please tell me it’s not Starbucks,” I tease.
He looks at me with a blank face. Camden loves coffee. He’s a snob about things. The silver spoon he was born with in his mouth gave him a very refined palate, and that extends all the way down to coffee and tea.
“I’m not even going to answer that question.”
“What’s so special about this place?” I lean back against my headboard and cross one foot over the other.
“They only source their beans from East Africa and mostly from women-owned growers. They pan roast green coffee beans, which are then brewed in a clay pot known as a jebena. It’s one of the oldest techniques for brewing coffee, and the coffee tastes smoky, earthy, and caramelized."
“Sounds delicious, and I don’t even drink coffee very often.”
“It is. Too bad, I was going to grab you a bag,” he says, slipping on a pair of shoes.
“Actually, Alice likes coffee. Maybe we give her a bag.”
He’s just picked up his coat. He’ll need it for the rain, and he turns to look at me. “Alice, huh?” he asks. There’s zero accusation in his expression, only one of curiosity.
I shrug. I don’t really have anything to tell him. He knows she and I have to spend time together. Besides, if Camden thinks it’s good, then it must be, and she’ll like it too.
“Yeah, all right. And if I happen upon the best seafood restaurant in Seattle, don’t wait up.”
“You know we have a curfew, right?”
“Always. But this place will be worth it.” He smiles, grabs the room key, and slides it into the inside pocket of his coat.
“Thanks for the coffee,” I tell him.
“No problem.” And then he’s gone.
The thing about Alice is I find this version of her to be a mystery. I’m still just as intrigued by her as I was for years. Now there’s something different, something new. It’s also hard to hate someone when there’s not much to hate.
My reasons for ignoring her aren’t holding up anymore.
Time has passed. We’ve both changed, though I think she has more than I have, and I don’t think I want to be her enemy anymore.
First and foremost, we were always friends.
She was a good friend. No, she was my best friend.
Do I think we could be friends again? I don’t know, and I don’t really want to think about that yet or find out, but that doesn’t mean I need to keep hating her. Acquaintances might be nice.
Might be.
Turning on my iPad, I open up the Mighty Monarch’s website.
I’ve read over it all before, but I can’t help but think the answers to my questions are going to be here.
It says they held their first camp the summer after her freshman year.
Which means she had to have given it a lot of thought leading into it.
Was she sick the summer before, like my mom said?
Was she struggling over something, and she felt she needed a community or network of people to help her?
And the thing I fear the most is, was it because of me?
From there, I flip over to her social media page.
There are a lot of pictures posted, and it makes me a little sick to my stomach that I’ve looked at all of them.
All the way back to the beginning, and by the beginning, I mean when she started this page.
She used to have a different one filled with photos of things we did, but that one is gone.
She started this one during the mid-season of her freshman year.
Does she look thin? Yes, but she was younger.
I can’t tell if that is relevant or if it’s situational.
Staring at the text icon, I give in and open it to her name.
There’s not a lot on here. I deleted our text thread when I was blocking her, so all previous messages are gone.
Did she delete me too? Or did the new message over the news event appear at the bottom of our previous communications?
What were those? They had to have been from before graduation.
But then again, if she tried to contact me after I left, those would be there too.
I know how seeing those texts would make me feel if our roles were reversed, and as much as I’ve tried not to feel guilty for how things ended, I do.
Giving in to the pull I have to her, I decide to text her. The three-hour time difference means it’s a little later. Maybe she’ll respond, maybe she won’t.
Ryder: Hey, how are you?
I stare at the message, and eventually, the three little dots appear.
Alice: What do you mean?
Of course it’s confusing her that I’m reaching out.
Ryder: Just wondering how you are. And now that your event is over, you must feel some relief. To me, it looked successful.
Alice: It was, and I do. I can’t wait to see them perform at the game.
Ryder: Do you worry about them forgetting the routine?
Alice: Yes. Kelli and I made a few videos to help remind them. Hopefully, they’ll all practice beforehand.
I wonder if these videos will be sent through email only or if she’ll be posting them to social media.
Every day there’s a new picture, reel, or video posted to the Mighty Monarch’s page.
I know it’s to keep the algorithm going, but it’s been fun to see.
There are several with the guys and me in the background helping out.
Those have a lot of engagement, and I’m glad that we offered to help.
Ryder: I think it’s great you started this.
Alice: Thanks.
Ryder: Really, I’m blown away. You always talked about being a teacher, but never anything about starting a nonprofit.
There’s a long pause. I don’t know if she’s busy or if she’s contemplating not texting me back. I’m not even sure why I’m texting her. I’m certain she has to be wondering the same thing.
Alice: Back then, I never considered it. Wasn’t anything I ever even thought of, and then one day, I got pulled to fill a need.
Ryder: What kind of need?
My heart starts pounding a bit, wondering if she’ll answer me truthfully. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t. She doesn’t owe me anything, but I really want her to tell me.
Alice: The need to give back.
If she needs to give back, then something or someone did something for her. I wish I knew what it was. Yes, there have been years of no communication, and that was ultimately my decision, but it feels weird that things happened to her and I don’t know what they are. She had a life without me.
Ryder: Why did you make the butterfly on the logo teal and not orange? I thought Monarch butterflies were all orange.
Alice: They are orange, but the emoji is teal. I wanted the branding of the butterfly to match what’s available. This next generation shuns all texts and is emoji heavy.
Ryder: Next generation. You say that like they’re so much younger than you.
Alice: Some are. Our youngest group is 8-10. That’s fourteen years.
Ryder: You always did love cheerleading and teaching.
Alice: Yes. I ended up majoring in elementary education, but I also studied psychology with a focus on clinical and developmental psychology.
Something about this doesn’t sit right in my stomach. Her need to give back, combined with clinical and developmental psychology, makes an ache settle under my rib cage.
Ryder: That’s great. It fits you.
Alice: What about you?
Ryder: Civil Engineering.
Alice: That tracks.
Ryder: I do like to build things.
Alice: Thanks for reaching out. Good luck at your game tomorrow.
She’s ending this. Not that I blame her.
Other than playing catch-up or going down memory lane, we have nothing to talk about.
And I’m certainly not going to tell her that I miss her.
That wouldn’t be good for either one of us and is likely to get me throat punched the next time I see her. This will have to do . . .
Ryder: Thanks.