Chapter Six
The universe had officially stopped being funny.
Birdie wasn’t laughing. In fact, she wanted nothing more than a good old-fashioned sob, the kind that wrung you out, left your eyes raw, and maybe gave you just enough perspective to make the disaster in front of you feel slightly less catastrophic.
Except this wasn’t a problem she could cry away.
This was a person. One person in particular. Alexis Wolf.
Just comprehending that Lexi from Portland was Alexis Wolf, the bachelorette on The Sapphic Match, made her stomach feel like it had been swapped out for a snow globe and shaken until everything inside her blurred.
And then on top of that, Alexis—apparently her name wasn’t Lexi anymore—had looked right at her and acted like they’d never met.
Which unfortunately told Birdie everything she needed to know. When the lavender ceremony came, she would be doomed. No doubt she would be shoved onto an airplane back to Portland before this so-called love journey even started. Which was why she had exactly thirty seconds to come up with a plan.
Not that she knew if she even wanted to stay.
Did she?
Did she really want to stand here in this over-the-top solarium, wearing this dress Jade had said accentuated her curves, competing for a woman who had treated her like a one-night stand?
Yes, she’d been fully aware that walking out of that club to the hotel would lead to nothing else.
Yes, she’d been far too hopeful that Alexis would actually call her back.
And yes, she was probably being a little dramatic.
But still.
Did she want to risk humiliating herself on national television, knowing Alexis had every reason to kick her off immediately? Did she want to put her poor, foolish heart anywhere near the blast radius that was Alexis Wolf?
Apparently, the answer was yes, because she was already walking toward the bar. She was ready to get blacked-out drunk on bubbly just to save herself from the ache of being sent home by the woman she was still thinking about to this day.
“Please help yourself,” said a bartender wearing a sleek tuxedo. He gestured to a silver tray lined with champagne flutes. Birdie grabbed one, tipped it back, and drained the contents before she even registered the taste or the fizz dancing on her tongue.
“Thanks,” she muttered, reaching for another.
“Maybe you should pace yourself,” said a voice behind her.
Birdie jumped and nearly launched the flute out of her hand, but somehow miraculously not a single drop hit the floor. She spun around to find Louise standing behind her with one eyebrow raised.
“You look a little worse for wear,” Louise said, smirking.
Birdie smoothed a hand over her dress and instinctively moved to flatten her bangs, which she was quite sure were doing their own thing from all the times she’d anxiously fidgeted with the strands over the last couple of minutes.
“I don’t mean physically,” Louise quickly added. “More like mental anguish. Did something happen during your introduction?” Her eyes grew wide like dinner plates. “Wait, did you say something embarrassing? Oh, come on, you have to tell me.”
Embarrassing didn’t even cut it. For half a second, she considered telling the truth—that Alexis was Lexi from Portland, that Lexi from Portland had lured Birdie to a hotel, only to leave right after they’d had sex. And now Lexi from Portland pretended she didn’t know Birdie at all.
It would feel so good to say it out loud. But then she pictured Louise’s face if she did. The shock, the follow-up questions, and the inevitable gossip that would make its way to the other contestants. Everyone would know. And Birdie wasn’t ready for that.
“There was nothing,” she said as she shook her head. The lie sat thick and clumsy on her tongue.
Louise tilted her head, unconvinced but not pushing.
“Well, whatever’s got you so wound up, don’t let it spook you, alright?
Everyone here is nervous.” Her gaze flicked across the solarium to where Alexis was talking to Harper and Kinley.
The copper-haired masc lesbian was gesturing a little too big with a laugh that cracked a little too sharply, and Kinley, whose skirt dropped to just below her ass, kept tucking an invisible strand of hair behind her ear.
Louise was right.
But they weren’t in the mess she found herself in.
Little did they know she was involved in a story so complicated that she couldn’t possibly explain it in one breath.
Or maybe it wasn’t that complicated but only felt that way because she was far from home, from her bookstore, from everything that made sense.
“Enjoy the process,” Louise said when Birdie didn’t answer. “This is supposed to be one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences. I mean, when are we ever going to find ourselves in an all-expenses-paid villa in the south of France again?”
The words landed like a pebble in Birdie’s gut.
Louise was right. This was the type of thing people didn’t stumble into twice.
It was the sort of opportunity people dreamt about.
Birdie had dreamt about this type of scenario.
But that was before she found out the bachelorette wasn’t some mysterious woman who may or may not fall in love with her, but rather Alexis, who was probably incapable of falling in love.
Birdie just wasn’t sure that she could simply accept the possibility of being sent home, of not getting to experience Provence with the sun-drenched vineyards and lavender fields she could lose herself in until her skin smelled like summer.
She couldn’t bear the thought of letting herself be erased by this woman twice.
The thought was suddenly unbearable.
“You know, I never thought they’d get Alexis Wolf as the bachelorette. Not after what happened last season,” Louise said when Birdie let the silence go on for way too long.
Birdie frowned. “Last season?”
“You didn’t watch?”
“No,” Birdie said, shaking her head.
Louise looked surprised by this, as if watching previous seasons was a prerequisite for applying to become a contestant.
“She was the villain. Like properly manipulative. She even tried to blackmail the bachelorette into choosing her. Fans went feral.” She smiled, looking almost impressed.
“I can’t believe they actually cast her after all that. ”
Birdie’s jaw practically hit the floor as the words about Alexis sank in. It was one thing to be ghosted by a woman in Portland and another to realize that the same woman had a reputation for blackmail. Blackmail. She should want to run for the hills. In fact, all the contestants should.
But for some reason they were all still there, all looking hopeful, all completely enamored by the bachelorette.
“At least she’s hot,” Louise went on. “Like smoking hot. And yes, sure, she really messed up, but honestly I’m willing to look right past that. I’m sure the other girls are too. After all, it is reality TV, and she was just doing what she needed to do to get the final lei.”
But Birdie was barely listening now. All she could think about was that damn lavender ceremony.
She had always been able to follow her gut, just like last summer when a teenager in a neon green crop top and cuffed jeans had wandered into her bookstore.
She had smiled at Birdie, who was standing behind the counter at the time, and then proceeded to steal a copy of Naughty Nights in Nantucket from the romance aisle as soon as Birdie’s back had been turned.
Her gut had told her the teenager was trouble. She should’ve watched her closely. Just like her gut now was practically screaming that she shouldn’t bother unpacking.
But no, Birdie sure as hell wasn’t about to go out with a whimper and a free airport shuttle back to Portland.
No way. If Alexis wanted to villain her, then fine, but Birdie was going to march over there and at least say something to her first before she was ceremoniously erased from both Alexis’s memory and national television.
“I’ll be right back,” Birdie said, already stepping past Louise.
She marched across the solarium, weaving in between servers in formal attire carrying trays of tiny canapes, smoky lamb skewers, bite-sized goat cheese tarts, and delicate phyllo cups stuffed with mushroom duxelles.
Harper noticed her first. She flashed a smile but said nothing.
Birdie took that as a sign of competition. And not the healthy kind.
Birdie cleared her throat.
Alexis turned slowly, like she was somehow moving in slow motion. And when she finally faced Birdie, her expression was icy cold. “Birdie,” she said. It appeared as if she was definitely forcing a smile onto her lips. “What can I do for you?”
Birdie didn’t like her tone. Not one bit. But that didn’t deter her. It only made her more adamant to see this through. “Can I steal you for a moment?”
Both Harper’s and Kinley’s smiles faltered. Kinley’s grip tightened slightly on her glass as if she was thinking about throwing it, and Harper’s brow furrowed so sharply it could cut steel.
But Birdie ignored them and kept her eyes on Alexis.
She studied her face for any microexpressions that would confirm what Birdie thought—that she was going home tonight.
Unfortunately, there were plenty. In fact, they couldn’t exactly be called microexpressions because they were big and clear.
Alexis didn’t want Birdie there, and that was that.
“Sure,” Alexis said, still smiling. Though there was nothing friendly about the smile.
Actually, it gave Birdie goosebumps. “I’ll see you ladies in a bit.
” She turned to Harper and Kinley and stepped back.
Both Kinley and Harper looked at Birdie like they wouldn’t blink an eye if she dropped dead in front of them.
Alexis led Birdie to a secluded corner of the solarium, where a giant monstera plant sprawled across a low terracotta planter. Its leaves were so wide they brushed against her arms.
The other contestants were watching. Birdie had expected that, but it still made her skin prickle. Not that it stopped her from talking.
“Back at the introductions, why did you act like you didn’t know me?” Birdie asked. It wasn’t the first question on her mind, not by a mile, but it tripped out of her mouth first. “Why not just acknowledge it?”
The warning in Alexis’s eyes made her lower her voice. Birdie was glad they weren’t wearing mics and that the cameras were directed at Bianca with the long legs over by the champagne tower. But then again, how bad would it actually be if everyone else found out?
“Fine,” she said, softer this time. “I know you’re going to send me home tonight.”
“And how do you know that?” Alexis’s words were like fire. Birdie could feel the heat of them on her face, singeing the tiny hairs on her upper lip.
“I’m not an idiot,” Birdie replied. And she wasn’t. She was just a hopeless romantic. But maybe that was the same thing. “Clearly, it would be easier for you if I were gone. Especially with this whole redemption thing you’ve got going on.”
Alexis arched one brow but said nothing.
Not that she needed to. Birdie was on a roll, and there was no stopping her.
“I get it,” she said. “You want to pretend that Portland never happened. You want to erase me completely. But I don’t want to go home.
I came here for a reason, and that is to find love. ”
“That’s the point,” Alexis muttered. “You won’t find love with me.”
For some reason, Birdie knew that to be true, but still, she didn’t want to go home just yet.
Never in her life had she done something so out of her comfort zone, so wildly un-Birdie.
Sure, she’d opened her own bookstore at the tender age of twenty-five, but her parents had fronted the down payment.
And yes, she’d backpacked across Indonesia, but that was a summer fling with adventure, not a leap into the unknown.
She’d never been to Europe before, never stepped onto a TV set that felt surreal, and never participated in anything so fabricated.
If she wasn’t going to get love, she at least wanted the experience.
“Just give me a chance,” Birdie said, her voice breaking softer than she meant. “You owe me that.”
“I don’t owe—” But Alexis was cut off.
Vivian appeared out of nowhere. Literally. It felt like she’d stepped through a trapdoor in the ground. “It seems a little rude to have the two of you whispering so secretively here. Anything I should know about?”
“Nothing,” Alexis said firmly without so much as a waver in her voice. “Birdie was actually just informing me that the zipper on my dress wasn’t completely up.”
Vivian’s gaze flicked between them. She was suspicious, but Alexis was already patting the zipper at her side as if to prove a point.
“Well, if that’s all,” Vivian said finally. “Best you two join the rest of the party.” She smiled, her teeth a little too white and polished in Birdie’s opinion, and added, “The lavender ceremony will start soon, and the bachelorette needs to mingle with all the contestants.”
Birdie nodded and was just about to turn to Alexis to read her face for even the smallest sign she was allowed to stay, but Alexis had already walked away.
Great. Birdie thought. Hopefully, I’ll get an aisle seat this time.