Chapter 11
Lavender felt like an unfinished piece of embroidery work.
Time after time today, she’d revisited her conversation with Tom in the garden last night, and in each instance, she only found herself unsatisfied.
Her biggest distraction from these thoughts came from Miss Dalrymple’s unconventional visit.
It wasn’t every day she found herself trapped inside the parlor with two women determined to help her find the right man to marry.
Miriam and Miss Dalrymple had probed her with questions and made her think about what she would prioritize in her suitors.
Miriam demanded nothing less than love, but Miss Dalrymple had seemed to understand that a life of comfort with someone Lavender could respect might be enough for her.
The fact that Miss Dalrymple was satisfied with that life for Lavender did make Lavender wonder if her new friend didn’t believe in love, or if she didn’t think Lavender capable of earning the type of love Miriam obsessed over.
During the visit, Daniel had escaped from his nurse and found his way into the parlor.
While Miriam took him back upstairs, Miss Dalrymple attached herself to Lavender’s side.
“Lady Lavender, I must ask for your assistance. I have not been discreet with you, I admit, but I had to know your leanings.” her words came out rushed, and it took Lavender off guard.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”
“I am attempting to prove myself useful to the crown in the matter. I’m assisting a friend, you see, kind of like a spy of sorts, to discover the truth about the Duke of Fenleigh. Will you help me?” Miss Dalrymple kept an eye on the door.
“You are a spy?”
Miss Dalrymple dropped her voice even lower.
“You would be surprised at how many members of the ton are also agents to the crown. Women are particularly overlooked in our usefulness, but I believe we hear more in the tedious gossip than they give us credit for.” She pressed Lavender’s hands between her own.
“You are gifted with the ability to hear what others are saying almost by nature. I assumed that you would jump at the chance to protect our way of life.”
Lavender’s head was swimming. “I don’t feel qualified to help. I’ve not been taught anything useful in that regard.”
Miss Dalrymple laughed. “This is not an official invitation to join the ranks—not even I have secured that honor. It is just me asking for your assistance. You would simply be doing what you are naturally so good at. Listen to the conversations around you and then tell me if there is anything that might be proof of the accusations against him.” She looked at Lavender with wide, pleading eyes. “Please?”
Lavender quickly considered the favor. She had no qualms with helping discover the truth in a situation. “Of course I’ll help you.”
Miss Dalrymple let go of Lavender’s hands and smiled as she sat more comfortably. “I’ll collect you for a walk in a couple days and we can discuss the details. Thank you, from me and the Prince Regent.”
A little bubble of light filled her heart. How wonderful would it be if she could help the crown as well as bring her father peace in the next couple months?
Miriam returned shortly after that, and the conversation dropped. She and Miss Dalrymple resumed talking about eligible gentlemen for Lavender to pursue, and Lavender allowed her mind to consider the question Tom might have for her tonight.
When night finally fell, Lavender made her way out to the swing and tugged at the top of her glove while she waited for Tom’s question.
This game they were playing was wonderful and terrible all at once; it simply depended on whether you were the person asking the questions.
Now that it was Tom’s turn again, she felt nervousness settle into her stomach.
He leaned forward to look in her eyes. “Why do you believe it is your job to bring peace to your father by marrying quickly?” Tom asked her with a tenderness in his stormy eyes that Lavender had come to expect from him. The tenderness, not the question.
She glanced around her at the flowers. “You are a gardener,” she began, “but I am a Gardner.”
Thomas’s eyebrows pinched together. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”
“My mother adores her title. She loves it even more that the title reflects our surname. In fact, she loves it so much that she named each of her children after flowers or, in my brother’s case, a tree that is on our estate.
” She took a deep breath. “Not only did she name me after a flower, she has also decided to raise us each according to our name.”
Thomas opened his mouth to speak but closed it again.
He put up a finger as he apparently thought through the ramifications of her claim.
“I have something to admit to you. Although I am a gardener, this is a new assignment for me. I don’t know anything about lavender flowers other than that they smell like you. ”
Lavender smiled at him. She did wear a lavender scent.
It would be silly not to at this point. “Lavender is typically planted on the edge of a garden or on a slope, somewhere that water won’t pool up around it.
The plant doesn’t like soil that remains wet.
Once the plant is established, it requires very little care, save for cutting the blooms in mid-summer.
The flowers themselves have a multitude of uses.
They are used as a potpourri, or in lavender water or oils, and doctors use it to help calm people who are upset.
Overall, it is a plant meant to beautify the world around it and bring peace and tranquility to everyone. ”
Thomas was still looking at her, not speaking.
Lavender looked down at the ground and tugged the hem of her gloves again. “My mother has always told me that lavender is a gift to the world, and not even the world knows it.”
“I can assure you, that the world knows what a gift you are, Lady Lavender.”
Thomas looked at her with such an intensity in his eyes that she felt the heat of it all the way to her bones.
“Well, according to my mother, my job is to stay on the edges of a gathering. I help other people to shine. I bring them peace by my faithful presence and calming nature.”
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.” Thomas’s stormy eyes were sparking. “I can believe that you are calming and that you help others, but you are their daughter. You are meant to be the center of their world, not a background fixture in their lives.”
Lavender shook her head. “I suppose you and I were raised differently.” His assessment was kind and hurtful all at once.
Yes, she’d struggled with her place and role in the Gardner family, but she’d also come to embrace it.
Not everyone could be the center of the world, and she was satisfied with her place in the background.
Besides, Thomas was a servant, so of course they were raised differently.
His silent response spoke louder than his words would have. He obviously disagreed with her, but her emotions were too close to the surface to argue with him.
“Why did you leave the Duke of Fenleigh’s household?”
Tom visibly ground his teeth together, his jaw tensing with emotion. Whether it was because she turned the conversation or because of how he believed her parents ought to raise her, she did not know.
“I left because I was stuck. I needed new experiences to learn from, to make me a better man.”
“And do you believe you have found them here?”
He nodded once. Succinct and sure. “I have. Lady Lavender . . . have you ever felt adrift?”
She felt this question to be a continuation of his answer, so she didn’t fight him on it. “At times, I suppose, but not for long. I’ve had people to anchor me to my purpose.” Even if he thought that purpose was excessively stupid.
Tom’s jaw clenched and unclenched a few times while he obviously battled about what to say to her. Each time the swing came closer to him, she felt a pulse of energy connecting them.
“I have felt adrift for a very long time now,” he finally admitted. “At times, lately, I think I have discovered my purpose. But I also know that I am not living up to my potential.”
Lavender’s heart ached for him. “You are in a difficult position. Society is not fair in the least.”
His brows pulled together. “Do elaborate.”
“Well,” she hesitated, not wanting to cause more harm than he was already struggling with.
“Some of the best people I know are servants. They are the type of people that deserve every good thing, but their station in life only allows them to live so well. No one has control as to what status they are born into. I do not deserve to be a lady, pampered and without financial worry.” She held his eyes.
“And you do not deserve to be a servant, always working to better the lives of others, and in many cases being poorly treated.”
“I am lucky enough to have been treated with kindness in my work.”
Lavender smiled. “That knowledge alone gives me more peace than you could guess. But surely, you know of other servants who are not treated well.”
Tom nodded his head, his gaze beyond her. “Not all servants are as trustworthy as their employers believe.”
“But you are.”
He searched her face. “I strive to be that, and more.” A storm raged across his face. A conflict that she didn’t understand. “Although it is not always easy.” He cleared his throat. “It’s getting late.” He slowed the swing so she could stand.
With his hands still on the ropes she was almost cocooned within his arms. Heart pounding, she took the smallest of steps nearer him, a scant hand’s width of separation between her chest and his.
She put her hand up and pressed it against his chest. “You are a good man, Tom Smith.” Her hand tingled and gooseflesh erupted across her skin.
Never had she been so tempted to give a man a kiss.
She fought within herself for a handful of seconds while Tom’s heart hammered beneath her touch.
Their breathing was shallow, and she found herself wanting more from him.
Her chest pounded into her sternum with a warning she’d never experienced.
No.
Tom was just her friend. These feelings were just moonlight and good conversation and too little sleep. Blinking hard, she ducked under his arm and hurried back to the house.