Chapter 15
Lavender asked for her supper to be brought to her bed chamber on a tray.
She didn’t know why the idea of being courted by Lord Chilcott made her so uneasy; it was everything her parents hoped for her, and likely more than they expected.
Besides, she was wholly unaffected by him, her heart safe from any wound he could inflict upon her.
They could court and be married in a matter of months.
Her father could pass away peacefully knowing she was well taken care of, and she would have accomplished all her goals for the Season.
The idea made her sick. It was as if her body was warning her away from Lord Chilcott as much as her mind was trying to accept him, a war within herself.
Lord Chilcott likely had a fine library, but the way he lied so easily, how he manipulated and talked down to her made her skin itch.
She didn’t want to be taken advantage of for the entirety of her marriage.
She wasn’t looking for love, but was respect too much to ask for?
She stayed in her rooms most of the day.
She was reading, but mostly she wanted an excuse should Lord Chilcott ask for her to spend time with him.
Now that it was evening and that particular threat had passed, she was ready to pepper Tom for answers about the baron and the lost duke.
The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced there had to be history between the two of them, even beyond the family connection.
She left her long gloves in her bed chamber.
The staff had all seen her disfiguration.
There was no sparing them her monstrosity now.
Even Tom would be more distant with her, she was sure of it.
However, she could not undo the past, and she didn’t really wish to.
She’d been able to comfort Jack. It was important for him not to feel alone in his suffering.
Besides, it was hot, and she enjoyed the idea of being outside without her gloves even if it was only for an hour.
She tucked a book under her arm on her way out the door and found Tom sitting on what she’d come to think of as her swing. In reality, the children enjoyed it during the day, and it was only Lavender’s at night. Tom looked much bigger on the swing than she expected.
“Good evening, Tom. Would you like a push?”
He smiled at her. “I’d love one, thank you.”
Lavender smiled, put her book down on the garden bench, and proceeded to push the giant of a man a few times. “You’ve forgotten to shave again,” she remarked.
“I didn’t forget.”
“Then you enjoy your whiskers?”
“Not particularly.”
Lavender sighed. “I do not understand it.”
“Then don’t try to. A man’s mind is a dangerous puzzle to solve.”
She laughed a little. “I believe that women usually get that reputation. It’s refreshing to hear it is a universal problem.”
“Speaking of problems, I believe it is my turn to ask a question.” Tom walked off the swing and held it out to her. “And it is your turn to swing.”
Lavender didn’t argue with him. She took hold of the ropes. “What question do you have for me tonight?” Her middle tightened of its own accord. She felt her deformity as if it were plastered across her forehead, and she hoped he wouldn’t ask too many questions about it.
He pushed the swing’s ropes, facing her fully. “What are you looking for in a husband?”
“Oh,” Lavender blinked a few times, trying to dispel her worries about her arm and grasp his question fully. The question ought not have surprised her. She had shared with him her dilemma of marrying quickly after all. “I must have a magnificent library.”
“Of course you must,” Tom chuckled. “I meant to ask about the kind of man you would have give it to you?”
Lavender tilted her head so that it rested on the rope she was holding.
“I am not overly picky. I want someone who I can respect, and who respects me in return, ideally someone kind,” she racked her brain, how else could she describe not Lord Chilcott.
“Oh, and someone who will protect me from the bees. You’d be surprised at how many people act as if my fear is trivial. ”
“It’s not trivial at all. But that is not a very tall order, my lady. A large number of men would fit that description. How can we pare your options down a little? Are you looking for a love match?”
“No,” Lavender sputtered out in an unladylike fashion. “No, that is not necessary.”
Tom walked around to face her. His eyes squinted as if he were trying to see her better in the dark. Despite the glow of the lanterns along the paths, the night was not a particularly dark one. “Rubbish.”
“Excuse me.”
“I said rubbish. Of course you would want a love match. You are only telling yourself you don’t so you don’t set yourself up for failure,” he accused her.
“Or, I have already experienced that particular emotion and I have no good opinion of it in the least.” She hated that she admitted as much to him. “Love is blind, Tom. I’m not going into a marriage in the dark.”
He nodded, but the pity in his eyes was clear. “I’m sorry for whatever made you think you don’t deserve love, Lavender. But you may change your mind one day.”
She shrugged as if his words wouldn’t haunt her, but she knew otherwise. She knew what her heart was doing to her.
She was falling in love with Tom Smith.
She didn’t have time to waste loving yet another man whom she could never have. A servant—of all the men she’d met in London—had hold of her emotions. Stupid, stupid heart.
Tom walked around her swing and gave her a gentle push from behind this time. “It’s your turn to ask a question, my lady.”
It didn’t seem fair that he was able to carry on their conversation as if Lavender’s entire world hadn’t shifted.
If anything, it was a sign to her that although his words were sweet, he hadn’t said anything about the two of them being in love.
She racked her brain for the question she’d come out here to ask, but the touch of Tom’s hands on her back proved to be too much of a distraction.
“I’m having a difficult time remembering what I was going to ask,” she admitted to fill the awkward silence.
“Would you like to know what I ate for breakfast this morning?”
Lavender laughed. “No, you aren’t getting off the hook so easily as that. But the muffins were quite delicious. Oh, I remember now. Do you believe the rumors? Do you think the Duke of Fenleigh is guilty of treason?”
“No.” Tom’s answer was short.
“Why not?”
“I never saw any evidence of it while I lived there.” Tom pushed her higher.
“And to be quite frank, the duke was a little directionless. I don’t think he had a strong enough opinion on matters of the country to do something so reckless.
Don’t get me wrong. He is a bit of the reckless sort, but he only ever endangered himself. ”
Interesting. “What do you mean by that?”
“He drank and gambled and spent his nights a bit frivolously, but he always settled his debts and made sure to clean up his own messes.” Tom shrugged.
“That doesn’t seem like a traitor to the crown to me.
” He pushed her higher still, making her insides flop at the top of the arc.
“What happened with Lord Chilcott today?”
Lavender gripped the swing ropes tighter. “The ridiculous man decided to announce that we were courting to some women I had never been introduced to before, and without speaking to me about it first. It was infuriating.”
“Who were the women?”
“A Mrs. Carlton and her young daughter.”
Tom groaned behind her. “He didn’t.”
“He most certainly did.”
“The news will spread like the plague.”
Lavender spun around to see his face. “I was afraid of that. Are they the type of women who . . .”
“Stick their nose in everyone else's business and then talk about it to everyone they see? Yes. Well, at least Mrs. Carlton is.” He grimaced at her.
“Lovely.” Lavender felt herself deflate.
“I’m certain Lord Chilcott has a magnificent library, though.” He paused. “Does he respect you? Is he kind? Would he take a bee sting for you?”
She laughed a little. “You know, before today I might have answered yes to those questions. But something about the man makes me quite uncomfortable. I cannot put my finger on it.”
Tom released a long breath. “Goodness, Lady Lavender, I’ve been silently praying you’d come to that conclusion on your own. The man is a jackanapes.”
Lavender let her boots slide along the ground to stop the swing. She spun in her seat and looked up at Tom. “I believe you are right, but he hides it well. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The problem is, I can’t think of a way to disentangle my name from his.”
“You could always tell him you have fallen hopelessly in love with the Duke of Fenleigh. Nothing would drive the man from you faster than that.”
“Is that why you know so much about him? Because he and the duke did not get along when you worked for Fenleigh?”
Tom’s head bobbled side to side as if he wasn’t sure exactly what to say. “To say that they did not get along would be like saying fire and gun powder were friends. There have been many rounds of fisticuffs between the two, some figuratively and some quite literally.”
Lavender nodded her head and looked forward again. “Thus the determination of the baron to ruin the duke.”
“I believe so, my lady.”
Tom began pushing the swing once more as Lavender allowed the information to settle inside her brain. Maybe she could use the missing duke as a deterrent for Lord Chilcott’s suit. “It’s my turn to ask a question, isn’t it?”
Tom’s silence was enough encouragement for Lavender to push forward. “You have told me about the duke’s habits, but almost nothing to recommend him. Why do you approve of him over Lord Chilcott?”