CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Asher
Imade la tortilla because it was Kaia’s favorite. And because I hoped it would remind her of the first time I cooked for her.
The dining table had been set for hours. The candles still needed lighting, the plates of Serrano ham and cheese still waited in the fridge—but all that could wait until after we talked.
Last night proved she still cared. Still wanted me. But this morning she’d been timid, unsure, like she didn’t know what to do with herself after the night we’d shared. I didn’t want her to regret it. I didn’t want to regret it either.
At five minutes to seven, I started pacing the hallway, throat tight, chest heavy with dread. What if she changed her mind? What if she didn’t want to listen? What if she decided my choices were unforgivable?
The intercom buzzed at seven sharp. I blew out a breath, ran a hand down my face, and let her in.
She stepped out of the elevator in a pink knit sweater and jeans, her hair falling in loose waves over her shoulders.
I opened the door wide. “Hi, peque. Come in.”
“Hey.”
Her steps were hesitant as she crossed the threshold. She glanced around as if seeing the place for the first time, then handed me a red box that smelled of chocolate. “For dessert. Whatever you made smells amazing.”
La tortilla, I almost said too quickly. “Thank you for these.” I brushed my fingers against hers as I took the box. “Come with me.”
The living room opened into the dining area. I turned on the floor lamp and gestured toward the couch. “Make yourself comfortable. Want something to drink?”
Kaia sat, fidgeting with her hands. “Can we talk first?”
I nodded and lowered onto the cushion beside her. City lights flickered beyond the window, but her blue eyes found mine.
“I know about the books,” she said. “I saw the wrapping paper in your drawer. Why did you give them to me, Ash?”
“I wanted you to have something from me.”
Something to make the distance more bearable. A way to keep her from forgetting me. Even when I thought I’d lost her for good, part of me refused to believe it was the end.
“So you’d just keep doing that? For another two years?”
I couldn’t blame her for not understanding. She thought I’d left her just to race for a better team. The truth had to come first.
“The day I dropped you off at school after our weekend together, your father told me he knew about us. He had copies of your diary.”
Hurt flickered in Kaia’s eyes, though she didn’t look surprised.
“He said he’d disown you if I didn’t leave. He’d stop paying for boarding school. Refuse to pay for college.”
Her lips pressed into a hard line, but her chin wobbled. She clenched her fists in her lap. “And you did what he wanted.”
“I don’t give a fuck about what he wants. I did what I thought was best for you. You deserved a good education. After how much you struggled in Stetbourg, do you think I could let him pull you out of the one place that could change your future?”
“I should’ve known,” Kaia whispered. “I should’ve known he was behind it. Instead of telling me the truth, you played into his hands. You didn’t think I deserved to decide what I wanted.”
“Because I knew what you would’ve chosen.” My pulse hammered against my temples. “Look at me, peque. Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t have chosen me. Tell me you would’ve chosen your education.”
She shook her head, groaning. “God, this is… You’re right,” she admitted. “You made me happy. You were the one person I counted on. Of course, I would’ve chosen you.”
“And I couldn’t have forgiven myself if you had. It wouldn’t be fair for you to give up your dreams for me. It’s your education, your future.”
Kaia twisted a silver ring on her finger. “I hate what he did. And yes, he paid for Willowbrook—but not my college.”
Shock rippled through me. “What?”
She shrugged as if it was nothing. “I took out loans after he started talking about how much my college would cost him.”
I couldn’t believe she’d done that. Couldn’t believe he’d let her. The hypocrite made me leave her—so he could stop supporting her?
“And he just let you?” I asked. “Didn’t even try to change your mind?”
She leaned back, sighing. “He told me not to go to him if I couldn’t pay what I borrowed.
I guess he thought I was bluffing, that I’d crawl back after a month.
But I share an apartment with Alba. It’s hers, so no rent.
And I teach dance to cover my expenses. I finally feel free, Ash.
” Her voice quivered. “He doesn’t control me anymore. ”
Years of neglect had scarred her regardless. He’d hurt her, but so had I.
“Please forgive me,” I whispered, standing.
Kaia stayed still. I knelt in front of her and took her cold hands in mine, pressing kisses to every knuckle. She sniffled—a small sound that crushed me more than any words.
“Please, don’t,” I murmured, caging her hands between mine. “Don’t cry. I don’t want you to ever cry because of me.”
“Not because of you.” She rubbed the tattoo on my wrist. “Because we lost so much time. It’s still hard to believe you haven’t been with anyone but me in two years. What about dates?”
Dates. I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t sure she’d take it wrong.
“Look at the wall. On your left.”
She turned her head, her gaze catching on her reflection in the gold-framed mirror.
“You’re looking at the only person I’ve ever wanted,” I said. “You’re my first and only love. Do you really think I’d pay attention to anyone else? I didn’t go on dates because I only wanted you. I still only want you.”
“What if I had?” She stroked my wrist with her thumb. “What if I’ve been with someone?”
My heart skipped a beat. It would hurt—but this wasn’t about me. I brought her hands to my mouth. “It would be my fault,” I whispered against her skin. “I left you. I made you believe I’d gone for a better team. I wasn’t honest, and I’d never blame you for my mistakes.”
Would I be sick with jealousy? Of course. But I couldn’t judge her for moving on when our breakup had been my fault.
She slipped her hand from mine and ran her fingers through my hair, lightly scraping her nails over my scalp. Goosebumps erupted across my skin. “I’m not sure I believe you, seeing how you appeared at the coffee shop when I was there with Kyle.”
“I don’t think mentioning him right now is a good idea.”
She giggled, the sound light and unmistakably her. “Pobre peque. Who would’ve thought one of the most famous racers in the world is jealous of Kyle from my college.”
I groaned. “Fuck, I forgot he was at your college. Can we make him transfer?”
She shook her head. “I think I need a friend, so I’ll keep him.”
“I can be your friend. I can be your everything. Kyle needs to disappear.”
Kaia framed my face in her palms. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I’ve only been with you. And I think you can handle knowing Kyle is at my college. I could’ve been with someone while we were apart, but I made a choice. I still chose you, like you chose me.”
I stood, pulled her up, and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry for hurting you. You have every reason not to believe my promises, but it’ll never happen again.”
“Nunca?” Kaia tucked her face into the crook of my neck, sliding her arms around my waist.
I kissed her forehead. “Never, peque.”
Then I pressed my lips to hers. At first, the kiss was slow and sweet, tasting of forgiveness. She brushed the tip of her tongue against mine, and I took over, kissing her deeply—the way I had last night, the way I wanted to kiss her for as long as she’d let me.
I’d wasted so much time. From this moment on, I wouldn’t waste another second.
***
An hour later, we finally sat down to dinner. After lighting the candles and opening a bottle of red wine, we shared the appetizers.
I savored every second of having Kaia at my table. It was perfect. Exactly how I’d imagined it a hundred times.
“I missed your cooking so much.” She moaned around a bite of la tortilla.
“Only my cooking?” I teased.
She paused, chewing. “No. Everything. But this is really good.”
“Thank you.”
For a moment I just watched her eat, my own plate untouched, my wine glass full. Part of me still didn’t believe she’d forgiven me.
“Why aren’t you eating?” Kaia asked, setting her fork down.
She always noticed my mood, always read what was going on in my head.
“Just thinking. About what happens now.”
She tilted her head. “With us?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you want to happen, Ash?”
Too many things—half of which would scare her off. Her clothes here. Her face beside me every morning.
“To be with you,” I said, choosing the smallest piece of what I wanted. “To date you like I couldn’t before.”
Her cheeks flushed. “I want that too.”
The weight crushing my ribs for the last two years lifted. “Then you’re officially my girlfriend.” The title felt small for someone who was my everything.
Kaia smiled into her wine. “I like that.”
I fucking loved it. No trophies or money would ever replace having her here. According to my therapist, I’d built hyper-independence after losing Dad and growing up distant from my mother. Kaia had been my anchor—the person whose unconditional love changed the way I saw relationships.
“Ash?”
“Sorry.” I reached for my fork.
“Hope whatever you were thinking about had something to do with me.”
“Everything has to do with you. More ham?”
Kaia shook her head. “I was wondering if you’ll go to my father’s Thanksgiving thing.”
True to his self-absorbed nature, Russell turned it into a team event celebrating his achievements as club owner. He wanted his family there. I hadn’t planned on going—but if Kaia wanted to, I would.
“If you want to go,” I said.
“I want to go with you. As a couple. I won’t hide. He blackmailed you into leaving me, knowing how much it’d hurt, and I’m done bending over backward to avoid disappointing him. If he wants a relationship with me, he’ll have to accept that you and I are together.”
There was nothing I wanted more. We deserved to be at every event openly, side by side.
“We’ll go,” I said. “I’m done hiding too, peque.”
***
After dinner, we sprawled on the couch. Kaia rested her head on my chest while I traced lazy circles on her back.
“Spend the night,” I whispered. “I’ll take you home in the morning.”
“I’ll have to go. The cramps are getting worse.”
“Want me to run to the store? Pads, painkillers—whatever you need.”
She kissed the center of my chest. “I’ll stay next time, okay?”
“Fine.” I threaded my fingers into her hair, massaging her scalp. “But maybe you’ll change your mind. You could fall asleep like this.”
A grin tugged at her mouth. “You seem a bit needy.”
“I’m very needy. We still have a lot to talk about.”
“Anything else my father did?”
So much had happened while we were apart. She’d told me about volunteering, but I wanted everything.
“Not really,” I said. “My mother and I barely speak.”
Her soft exhale brushed my neck. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. She had more than enough chances to fix things but chose not to. My therapist helped me deal.”
She tilted her chin up, eyebrows raised. “Therapist?”
I hummed, brushing my thumb along her neck. “I went to Spain after your graduation. Realized I needed help while I was there. I had…too much fucking anger inside me. I didn’t want to race like that. Or live like that. Rys recommended a guy he’d been seeing. I like him.”
“I’m glad,” Kaia whispered. “I have a therapist too. I didn’t think it would work after the disaster with the one my father chose, but Marta’s helped me a lot. Still does.”
I kissed her forehead. “Isn’t it ironic? They screw up, and we’re the ones in therapy.”
“I’d rather seek help than ruin my life and lose the last of my self-esteem. Wait…you said you went to Spain after my graduation. I thought you traveled after the wedding.”
“No. I went to see you.”
I’d never planned to admit it, but what harm was there now?
Kaia shook her head. “You should’ve approached me, Ash. But I get it. I went to your first race in Argentina. You wouldn’t have recognized me—I wore a blond wig. I loved seeing you race. You looked happy.”
My eyes burned. She’d been supporting me even then.
“I might’ve looked it, but I wasn’t.” The words scraped out. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, wondering if you’d ever forgive me. But I was still convinced I had to wait so Russell would pay for your degree. I couldn’t risk it.”
“We wouldn’t have been able to do much anyway. You were traveling the world, winning. I’m so proud of you. I’m sure your dad is, too.”
I laughed against the top of her head, but the sound came out strained. I was fighting not to break down in front of her—everything she thought about me, said about me, did for me meant so fucking much. More than she could ever know.
“Speaking of traveling,” I said, “when are you free? I want to go to Spain for the holidays, but only if you come with me.”
After the holidays I’d be buried in prep for the racing season, but nothing mattered more than spending a few weeks with her—our first real vacation as a couple. I wanted her to meet Grandma, walk the streets where I’d grown up. She was my future, but I needed her to see my past too.
“As soon as classes are over in December,” Kaia said. “And of course, I’d love to travel with you. I’ve dreamed about Spain for years.”
“Then we’ll go.” I tightened my arms around her.
A comfortable silence stretched between us.
“Ash,” Kaia whispered.
“What?”
“Do you think Ethan will be at the Thanksgiving gala?”
Fucking Ethan. His presence alone was reason enough to skip it. “I’m sure he will. Why?”
Kaia giggled. “I poured a red cocktail over his tan suit at my father’s wedding. Served the asshole right for all the trouble he caused you.”
My chest swelled. “Peque, peque,” I murmured. “I think I’ll run to the store. There’s no fucking way I’m letting you leave tonight.”