Chapter 8 Cristian
CRISTIAN
I pace outside the Dante mansion, unable to enter yet unwilling to leave. I wrestle with what happened between Valentina and me in that car.
Fuck. I can’t shake the look on her face when I stopped her.
The hurt in those gray eyes, the humiliation.
I did that to her.
I pushed her away when every cell in my body screamed to pull her closer.
Alessandro trusts me to protect his sister, not to put my hands on her.
Not to slide my fingers beneath her dress and into that hot, wet pussy. Not to watch her come apart beneath my touch.
God, she was beautiful when she came.
The way her head fell back, lips parted, those little gasps.
I've been with women before, but nothing prepared me for Valentina surrendering to pleasure.
I rake my fingers through my hair.
I've spent my life in service to this family.
My father served Lorenzo Dante before me, and his father before him. Loyalty isn't just my duty.
It's my inheritance, my identity.
But when Valentina touched me, I wasn't a soldier.
I was just a man wanting a woman who wanted me back.
The memory of her lingers everywhere.
Her taste on my tongue.
The sound of my name on her lips.
The softness of her against my hardness.
She deserves gentleness.
She deserves passion.
She deserves a man who can worship her properly, who can take his time learning her body.
Not the evil sociopath who will break her spirit.
And not me, a man who can offer her nothing.
I’m being a fucking coward.
I need to apologize and make her understand that for her safety as much as mine, we can’t indulge in desire.
I find my balls and square my shoulders as I make my way to the front door.
As I do, I’m reminded of everything she’s done to get my attention, and irritation grows as I anticipate her being coy, being flirty, not caring that we could end up dead if she doesn’t stop.
I'm barely through the foyer when Alessandro and Adriano materialize looking concerned.
"What happened?" Alessandro demands, blocking my path.
Adriano flanks him, arms crossed. "Valentina ran past us crying.”
My throat constricts. I can still taste her on my lips, still feel her trembling beneath my fingers. They should shoot me here.
"Her dress," I growl. "Maksim noticed. Wanted under it." That’s not a lie, but it’s not why she ran in crying. Jesus, I’m lying to my boss.
“Fuck, I was afraid of that.” Alessandro shakes his head.
Adriano’s eyes narrow. "What did he do?"
"He touched her," I say, sticking to the half-truth. "Put his hands where they shouldn't be. She rebuffed him, but it shook her up."
Alessandro's jaw tightens. "You’re supposed to prevent that from happening."
“Should I have killed him?” I snap before I think better of it.
Both men’s brows arch.
I take a breath. “She’s not so much upset about his trying to touch her as she is scared of what's coming. Of what he'll be like when there's no one around to stop him."
Adriano glares at Alessandro. "I told you this arrangement was a mistake."
"It's not a mistake," Alessandro says tightly. "It's necessary."
The brothers continue their debate, but my mind drifts to wondering how Alessandro can do this to her.
Trade his own sister to save his own ass. I've always respected him, followed him without question, but this…
I watch him now, so cold and calculating, justifying sacrificing Valentina to a monster for "peace." It's not peace he wants.
It's power.
Control.
And he'll use his innocent sister to get it.
My loyalty has never wavered until now.
But with every passing second, resentment takes root.
"I'll speak with Maksim," Alessandro says finally. "Remind him of the terms."
"I'll keep a closer eye on her." God help me, that's exactly what got us here.
With my conversation with Alessandro and Adriano finished, I make my way upstairs.
I stand outside Valentina's door, poised to knock, but my hand is frozen in midair.
What the hell am I doing here?
I should walk away.
I should request reassignment.
But I can't leave her thinking she's the one who did something wrong.
I hurt her after giving her a taste of pleasure.
What kind of man does that?
A disloyal one.
A weak one.
One who's falling for a woman he has no right to want.
But the damage is already done.
I can't take back what happened in that car.
I can't unfeel what I felt when she came in my arms.
And I can't let her believe she's not wanted.
Because God help me, I want her.
More than I've ever wanted anything.
I steel my resolve and knock firmly on the door before I can talk myself out of it.
A moment passes. Then another.
"Who is it?" Her voice is small, uncertain. Nothing like the bold woman who climbed into my lap.
"Cristian."
Another pause, longer this time.
I wonder if she'll send me away, and part of me hopes she will.
It would be easier.
Safer.
"Come in," she finally calls, and with that simple invitation, I know I'm lost.
I push the door open slowly.
The sight of her sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but a white silk robe makes me second-guess my decision immediately.
My mouth goes dry, and I consider turning around, walking out.
But she catches my hesitation, tightening the robe around herself with a sharp tug at the lapels.
The gesture makes me see that she's actually more covered now than she was in that dress earlier.
I enter the room, deliberately leaving the door open behind me to protect us both.
I just have to hope no one can hear us.
"I came to apologize," I say, keeping my distance, hands shoved in my pockets to stop them from reaching for her. "I was harsh earlier. In the car."
Her eyes meet mine. The vulnerability there guts me.
"Harsh?" She laughs without humor. "You made me feel like a stupid little girl playing at being a woman."
"That's not—" I inhale sharply, frustration building. "Valentina, do you have any idea what you're doing? What game are you playing? This isn't some romance novel where we run off into the sunset together."
"I never asked for that," she snaps.
I step closer, careful to stay far enough away that I won't be tempted.
"Do you understand what would happen if your brothers found out?
If Maksim found out?" My voice drops lower.
"Alessandro would put a bullet in my head himself.
And Maksim? He'd start a war that begins with torturing you before killing you. "
Her chin lifts defiantly, but I can see the fear in her eyes.
"I'm not just saying no to protect my own life," I continue. "Though make no mistake, touching you is a death sentence for me. But I'm saying no because I care too much about you to let you throw everything away for a moment's pleasure."
"Is that all it was to you?" she whispers. "A moment's pleasure?"
"No," I admit, despite wanting to lie. "And that's what makes it so goddamn dangerous."
She rises from the bed, the movement causing the robe to shift slightly. I force my eyes to stay on hers.
"If I'm going to suffer through a lifetime with that monster," she says, "I at least want to know what it feels like to be with someone who sees me. Really sees me."
I close my eyes, fighting for control. "I can't be the man who gives you that. Not if I want us both to survive."
Her shoulders slump.
The fierce, defiant Valentina Dante has been reduced to a defeated woman.
It tears me apart that I've contributed to her pain.
"What does it matter, anyway?" Her voice is flat. "Whether I die at twenty-one or eighty, my life isn't my own. It never has been."
"Don't talk like that."
"Why not? It's the truth." She looks up at me, and the emptiness in her gaze makes me want to kill Alessandro and Maksim. "I know I agreed to it, but what choice did I really have?”
My hands clench at my sides knowing she’s right.
That some lives are worth more than others.
That hers is worth less than her brothers', and yet, worth enough to be used like currency.
Her laugh is bitter. "And for what? A temporary peace that'll shatter the moment Maksim feels slighted… or Alessandro?" She stops suddenly, facing me. "My whole life reduced to being a commodity, and I don't even get to choose who I give my body to first?"
I want to cross the room, take her in my arms, promise her protection I can't provide.
I want to tell Alessandro to go to hell, grab her hand, and run. But those are fantasies, not solutions.
At least not ones that will end well.
"Every day, I'll wake up knowing it could be my last. That I’ll be discarded whenever I lose my appeal or he gets angry at my brother.”
I feel like my heart is being crushed by a vise because she’s right. Maksim will crush her spirit and then he’ll dispose of her when he’s bored or wants to make a point to Alessandro.
"I just wanted…" She sniffs. "I wanted one good memory to hold onto. One moment that was my choice. Is that really so much to ask?"
I cross the room before I can stop myself, unable to bear the distance between us while she breaks apart.
"Come here." I pull her against me.
She collapses into my chest, her body trembling.
I wrap my arms around her, one hand cradling the back of her head.
The gesture is chaste, nothing like our heated encounter in the car, and yet, somehow, more intimate.
Her fingers clutch at my shirt, twisting the fabric as she cries.
I hold her tighter, as if my arms can shield her from the brutal future in front of her.
As if I can absorb her pain into my own body.
As if comfort is enough when what she needs is an escape.
"I've got you," I promise, knowing it's a lie. I don't have her. I can't have her. And soon, she'll belong to another man, one who will break her.
As her tears soak through my shirt, my anger and resentment grow. I cannot let this happen.
I've spent my life following orders, but what good is loyalty when it means sending this woman into hell?
Alessandro may be my Don, but he's wrong about this.
Dead wrong.
My mind races through scenarios, each more dangerous than the last.
Taking her and running would mean our deaths.
Killing Maksim would mean war.
But watching Valentina be destroyed piece by piece by that monster is not something I can allow.
I have to figure out something to save her.
Even if it costs me everything.