Chapter 15 #2
A small, nervous chuckle escapes her mouth.
She’s trying to make conversation, and all that’s going through my mind is her tight little body under those scrubs.
I remember the first time I truly saw her, the night she felt bad for the almost-thirty-year-old virgin.
I didn’t feel that way at the time, but her cutting me off proved what I should’ve seen before.
I’m nothing to her but a box on a checklist. It didn’t mean anything to her—not like it did to me.
“His son is missing and possibly either hurt or dead. Yeah, I can believe it,” I say harshly.
John was a little intimidating back at the house.
He escorted Leanne inside like even the trees were a threat, and after he pointed a gun to Satori’s head twice, I finally got him to back off.
As tough and badass as Ser likes to pretend she is, reactions like that are still new to her.
“No, I get that,” she whispers and looks down to the floor. We both remain silent for the next few moments, not sure what to say. There isn’t anything to say. She haunts my dreams while she’s out at bars. I can’t even look in another woman’s direction, and she’s glancing at anyone but me.
This isn’t just some ‘she was your first’ bullshit.
She was more than that. Yeah, that first night was fun, but it’s not like I never did anything before her.
I knew what pussy tastes like, where the clit is, and how a woman’s tongue feels on the tip of my dick, but that wasn’t where she got me.
It was everything else. How comfortable it was.
There were times when we wouldn’t touch each other at all, and we just stared at the ceiling in cozy silence.
It was like somehow, deep down, we already knew each other.
We didn’t need words. It was nice. Too nice, and I should’ve known better with it coming from a woman like her.
I tried to let it go. I really did. When D forced her out of her silence and brought her to the Attic, I just wanted to pull her in my arms. Then after Ash was taken, I had to keep her close.
I couldn’t let anything happen to her, too.
She clung to me just like I needed her to, and then once it was all over, she was back to acting like a soulless leech.
Once again, I wasn’t enough for her. I saw where she went after Ashia and Damien were healed enough, and I can only imagine the men she was with.
I’ve looked up every hookup she’s ever had, and when I say they’d burn on the church steps, it may not be an exaggeration.
“What about you?” She pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up at her. Her face is actually coated with worry under that makeup, and she’s looking at me with a glare so endearing that I almost give it back to her. “Are you okay?”
I raise an eyebrow at that.
“I’m fine, Ser.”
Her head tilts a little, and she lets out a small sigh.
“Listen, I know we’re not exactly on the best terms right now.” She keeps her tone low, surely so no one else can hear her. “But I’m worried about you, too. I know how much you care about Damien.”
“I said I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me. You didn’t before.” I throw it out there just to spice things up. Her face twists like she’s flinching.
“Of course I did, Carter. It wasn’t about you. I needed to get my head straight.”
I shove my laptop further, grip her thighs in my hands, and yank her over. That perfect ass slides across the table, and her hands immediately find my shoulders as I scoot up between her legs. I want to forget how I felt.
I’d give anything to make it as simple as forgiving her, but it’s not.
She ran away from this connection. It wasn’t just me that felt how strong this pull was.
She felt it too, and she threw it all away without so much as a word.
All because she was scared. Which a part of me knows, but I would’ve helped her.
This life is hard to accept at first, and if anyone can understand that it’s me.
She didn’t trust me enough to come to me.
She didn’t care enough to even send a simple message.
I really thought we were getting somewhere, but now my head is all messed up from trying to free my mind from her claws.
She may think she got away, or that she got time to herself to think, but the reality is very different.
Who she made me is completely unlike the virgin who just wanted to please her.
That innocent part of me is gone, and while I know the little brat loves to be in charge, she’ll get a taste of what it’s like to have no control at all.
My eyes meet hers with a look that I’m sure she thinks is violent—one that, of course, she’ll take the wrong way. But I want her to. She’ll hate me, and that’s exactly what I want her to feel.
I stand up and tower over her while my fingertips brush the scrub fabric on her thighs.
You could’ve gotten your head straight while mine was buried in this cunt, is what I want to say back to her.
You could’ve talked it out between counting your orgasms. I slide my hands under the hem of her scrub top and feel her silky skin.
You could’ve killed your fears with the monster you awoke inside of me.
Her breath hitches, and she squirms under my touch against the table. The skin on her chest and neck blushes, and her muscles tense. Her ability to perform is truly a gift. She really has to act so desperate, doesn’t she?
“Carter… Can we please talk?” she asks so painfully, like she’s actually sad that I’m not falling over my feet to grovel. My left hand moves to grip her hip while my right fists her hair and pulls, forcing her head back so she has to look up at me.
“You want to talk? I think we both know I need more than that for an apology.”
Her lip snarls just a little bit, and her eyes tighten, making her look like the vicious little thing I know her to be.
“Fuck you, asshole,” she seethes, and I push my face down enough to smell the spearmint on her breath.
“Not until you’re begging for it, sweetness.”
I hear the door creak open a little, but I don’t tear my eyes away from her. She needs to understand what she’s done to me.
“Um, we can come back in a minute?” Alex says cautiously. I smirk and release her, but I still don’t back away.
“No need. She was just going back to check on Ash. We’re done,” I retort in a cold tone, and just when I think I’ve got this figured out, I regret it instantly.
Her eyes, while still sharp and full of anger, start to fill with tears, and my grin falters.
She jumps off the table and pushes past me.
Her shoulder knocks into mine, and it’s only a moment later the office door slams closed.
I just hang my head and grip the conference table in defeat.
I’m losing my cool, and I can’t afford to.
Not right now. We don’t have time for me to get distracted like this.
I feel like shit. I know she’s sorry, and I could see the sincerity in her eyes—I just don’t want to look at it right now.
It’s easier to be angry. She can’t finish clawing my heart out if I don’t let her.
“You good, Carter?” Alex asks.
“I’m fine. Anything from the search parties?”
“Nothing. They can’t find any trace of D downtown,” he replies, and I just nod my head. I’ve had enough distractions. Our brother needs us, and we’re going to find him.
“Get Zeke and John back in here. Let’s lay everything out.”