5. Piper
PIPER
LEVI: Someone please tell me why I have the shittiest taste in men
PIPER: Not it—ex-boyfriend was a douchebag and now I’m lusting over my best friend’s playboy brother
Idon’t mention the part where I kissed Mack three days ago and haven’t heard a peep out of him since. I should be happy because technically, he is acting like nothing happened. But is that how he feels?
It’s definitely not how I feel. Heck, I can’t stop thinking about that stupid kiss and how good his lips felt on mine.
And his tongue…oh my God, his tongue.
Shaking my head, I try to force the thoughts from my mind. Otherwise I’m going to need a cold shower before I can get back to work.
Luckily my siblings are such a buzzkill all sexy thoughts of Mack evaporate faster than a puddle on a hot summer day.
AINSLEY: Me either—father of my children is now living with my ex-best friend who “comforted him” while I was recovering from surgery
AINSLEY: Also I met this really hot guy in the breakroom at work and of course he’s one of the big bosses
LEVI: So?
LEVI: Is he YOUR boss?
AINSLEY: No—but he’s still off-limits—I don’t need that kind of complication in my life right now
AINSLEY: It just figures the FIRST guy I’m attracted to is never going to happen
DALLAS: It’s getting harder and harder being the perfect sibling with no daddy issues
LEVI: Who invited you?
DALLAS: You did. In the womb.
LEVI: Unsubscribe.
PIPER: Also unsubscribe to all of us living in different states
LEVI: I’ll second that
DALLAS: I might come visit you for Christmas, P. I can’t get there before then but you’re the only one I haven’t seen this year
AINSLEY: He means you’re the least needy
DALLAS: I didn’t say it…
Somehow out of all of us, Dallas, the youngest by birth order even though he’s only a couple of minutes younger than Levi, is the most normal.
He helped Ainsley move when she got divorced and stayed while our sister and her boys got settled.
And he helped Levi move out of the apartment he shared with Brock.
PIPER: Wait.
LEVI: No
PIPER: WAIT
LEVI: Fuck
AINSLEY: Spell it out for the rest of us who only got two hours of sleep because their toddler is living her best life in sleep regression
DALLAS: Do you need me to come back out?
AINSLEY: I’ve got it
DALLAS: I know you do but I can help
AINSLEY: You can’t come here every time I need help—if you are you should just move in and be my manny
PIPER: Let’s come back to that
PIPER: Levi was just telling us about how he got back together with Brock even though we all told him not to do it
LEVI: You’re dead to me
DALLAS: Are you fucking kidding me?
LEVI: I know, okay?
DALLAS: I’m sending all of you my therapy bill
AINSLEY: So that’s how he’s so normal
PIPER: Weird
LEVI: I only talk about my feelings with you guys
AINSLEY: We’re all screwed
PIPER: Except Dallas
PIPER: Because apparently he’s our designated adult
DALLAS: I need to go work so I can make enough money to be everyone’s traveling babysitter
LEVI: I don’t need a babysitter
DALLAS: I’m not talking to you right now
PIPER: Oh shit
LEVI: Don’t worry. He’s going to text me on the side so he can yell in shouty caps
AINSLEY: That sounds nice
AINSLEY: I’m going to go see if we have anything to eat besides animal crackers
DALLAS: Your grocery order will be there in thirty
AINSLEY: Now I’m crying
AINSLEY: I love you
DALLAS: I love you too. No one make any bad decisions. No ex-boyfriends. No new boyfriends. Or bosses. Or brothers. OR FUCKING ANYONE. No. Just no.
DALLAS: Are we clear? I’m too young for blood pressure meds
PIPER: Aye aye, Captain
And on that note, it’s time to get back to work.