8. Nicole
NICOLE
As I place my little duffle bag on the queen sized bed, in the room Owen insisted I take, that’s bigger than my whole apartment, I sit down and blow out a huge breath.
This morning I was burning toast and trying to figure out how I was going to make enough money to pay the loan sharks off, make rent and afford food.
And now? Now I’m here, in the mansion of the footballer I had an epic fling with, fighting an insane attraction to him and trying not to get my son’s hopes up too much.
Because all of this could be temporary.
I ignore the dull thud in my chest at that thought and instead focus on unpacking the small amount of clothes I have. As I place them in the wardrobe, I grimace at how much space is left when I’m done.
“Mumma, come see my room. It’s down da hall from yours and Lockheart’s, but not too far. Dis place is huge. I love it. Can we stay forevah?” I force a smile onto my face but pull back when Lucky takes my hand.
“Remember we talked about this, Lucky. Mr. Lockheart is letting us stay here for a little while because our house needs some fixing. The wall in my bedroom, the shower in the bathroom, and the smoke alarm broke this morning...”
“Yeah, cos ya burneded da toast.” His grin is infectious and I narrow my eyes at him as I tickle his little belly.
“But remember, we’re guests here. This is Mr. Lockheart’s home and this isn’t forever, Lucky.”
He bobs his head excitedly, my words going in one ear and out the other as he drags me down the hallway.
My heart breaks a little bit as we head towards his room.
I can’t give him any of this. And no matter what Owen says, if Lucky had to choose, why would he want the lady who lied about his father and can only give him the bare minimum of everything.
Keeping that fake smile on my face as we enter his room, my breath catches and I have to force myself to breathe as I look at the huge amount of space he has.
“Lockheart said I can decorate any way I wanna and I can haf whatever bed I want. He must want me to stay forevah. We should stay for a long, long, long time. It’s better dan our old house.
Dis is da best day evah. I wish we knew Lockheart ages ago. We coulda lived here for ages.”
I turn my back to him, everything I’ve said about it being temporary has gone straight over his head.
It doesn’t help that Owen is letting him decorate already and is talking about buying beds.
I pretend I’m looking at the wardrobes to quickly wipe a tear away as I remind myself he deserves all of this.
He deserves to be here with his dad, a man who can give him everything he needs.
He deserves to go to a good school instead of the crappy one I have to send him too.
He deserves the world, and I can’t give him that. But Owen can.
“Stop it, now, Nico.” A whispered voice makes me jump and covers my body with goosebumps as Owen’s words wash over me. “He needs you, not stuff. I’m not taking him from you. Ever.”
He takes a step back and fixes me with a stare, one that tells me to get my shit together. That I’m being silly. His eyes are filled with the same urgency he used to have in the bedroom when he was telling me what to do.
Instead of being annoyed by it, I take strength from it. I should be angry with him for railroading me into all of this, but I can’t be. He should be furious with me for missing out on Lucky’s life for so long. But he seems to have moved on, and I don’t know how that’s possible.
Are flashes of anger going to appear with us living together? I know I wouldn’t blame him.
He’s opened his heart up to Lucky, and his home to both of us. I don’t know what to do or what I’ve done to deserve his understanding, but I’m grateful for it.
And at the same time, I’m so annoyed at both of us. If we’d just communicated more, we could’ve had this. Been a family for all these years. Instead we’re here. Awkward as fuck and tiptoeing around a situation that could’ve been avoided.
“My housekeeper is doing some shopping for us.” His voice cuts through my meandering thoughts and I bring my eyes up to his.
“I don’t have ‘normal’ food in the house, so she’s going to stock up.
Lucky gave me a list.” He grins at me and then my boy, and I have to tamp down the galloping of my heart as he continues to speak.
“I’ve told her you’ll be staying here and I’ve written all the codes down for you.
Try to memorise them please, I hate having them lying around the house.
“I’ve also asked Edie to come over tomorrow and go through some designs with you, Lucky, so you can sort the room out just how you want it. If that’s okay with your mum, of course.”
He brings his gaze to mine and I bite my bottom lip. His eyes find my teeth nibbling away and he takes a deep breath as his pupils dilate. His normally crystal clear eyes turn almost black with need.
I gulp and force my gaze away from him. We need to focus on Lucky, make this transition easy for him.
No matter how much I want to lay down and have Owen devour me again.
“I’ll, erm, leave you two to it, I guess. I thought we could order pizza for dinner tonight.”
Lucky punches the air and whooshes out a yes at Lockheart’s suggestion and we both laugh at the excitement the P word brings him.
“It won’t be an everyday thing, though. Athletes need to eat food that’s good for them. Nutritious food that's packed with protein for energy. We’ll be eating lots of broccoli and chicken.”
I have to turn my back and cover my mouth as Lucky’s face screams gross, but his reluctant sigh and head nod shows how much he’s trying to impress his new ‘friend’.
“Mumma, can I go and play in da garden?” I look at Owen who shrugs and smiles.
“If it’s okay with Mr. Lockheart, then it’s okay with me. I assume it’s all secure?”
“It’s secure and it’s fine by me. I have a shed full of footballs and there’s a goal that I practise with at the back of the garden.”
My son’s little eyes light up and he bounces out the door.
I go to follow after him, but Owen steps in front of me and blocks my path. “I meant what I said earlier, Nico. He needs you more than any of this shit, and I’m not taking him anywhere. We’ll do this together from now on.”
I bring my eyes up to his and know my lip’s wobbling because I’ve never done anything with a partner before.
Even as a child I was on my own. My heart’s filled with hope and my brain tries to calm it down.
It already knows that girls like me don’t get the fairytale ending.
We get dads who try to sell us to loan sharks.
Shutting my eyes, I step back from Owen, and when I open them again I see the confusion swirling in his.
I ignore it and step past him without a word, heading back to my bedroom.
I know Lucky’s safe here. I don’t have to have eyes on him all the time like I do at home.
So I retreat to the safety of my room to avoid the guilt, self doubt, and sexual tension that’s threatening to burn me from the inside out and destroy what little I do have going right in my life.
I still have to sort out the debt I’ve been saddled with, and I can’t let Owen know about that.
I don’t want him to offer to sort that too.
He’s already done enough. And, unlike caring for Lucky, this isn’t his responsibility.
The series will be a good start and I’ll be able to keep them at bay with my income from that.
Until the next time they come knocking, of course.
But by then I’ll find another story to cover it.
It’s never ending, and I have no idea how to change that. If I refuse, they’ll come after me because they can’t get hold of my dad. He fled the area after the money hit his account, without a goodbye or anything. I just woke up to him gone.
I wish I could say it was the first time, but it wasn’t.
Relief rushed through me when I realised he was gone, but sadly it only lasted a month.
Then a knock at the door from the scariest son of a bitch I’d ever seen put the fear of Christ into me when he told me if I didn’t pay what my dad owed plus interest, I wouldn’t look so pretty after he was through with me.
I cleared out my bank account and handed everything I had to him.
They won’t care if I tell them I haven’t seen my dad in a year, and I definitely don’t want to remind them that I’m a single mum.
They’ll use Lucky as leverage to get me to pay quicker and I can’t take that chance.
No matter where my dad is, I’ll have to cover his ass. Adulthood sucks.