17. Nicole
NICOLE
“Please, I’ll get it to you.” The image of a toothless grin flashes in front of my eyes as a hand closes around my throat. I gasp for breath, clutching and clawing at the hand. My feet kick out against the hard wall behind me and all I can think of is Lucky.
Sitting bolt upright in bed, my hands fly to my throat as I drag precious air into my lungs. Still not fully recovered from my nightmare, I flinch slightly when a hand touches my shoulder. But then I melt when I hear his gentle voice.
“Hey, Nico, you’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
Before I can blink, I’m bundled into the safety of Lockheart’s arms and I snuggle into him, my nose pressed against the skin of his neck.
“I’m sorry. I was back at my place, trying to breathe, and it was so real.
” I manage to sneak out my apology before I start crying.
Tears splash against his bare skin, and instead of moving away from him, embarrassed, I cling to him.
I need his strength, his support and his security.
He makes me feel safe, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. Let it all out. They’ll never come near you again. I promise.” His words create a soothing balm for my soul, and his gentle strokes of my hair and the little kisses he places on my head are healing the scars on my heart.
Once the tears subside, I move my head away from him and tuck my hair behind my ear as I lower my gaze from his. “I must look like crap. All puffy-eyed and snotty. Give me a minute.”
I attempt to leave the bed, but he catches my elbow and stops me. When I turn to look at him, he raises his brow at me, a stern look crossing his face.
“Seriously? After everything I said to you earlier, you think I’m going to be put off with a few tears? You’re even more beautiful to me now than you were then, because you opened up to me. You let me comfort you. Now get your arse back in this bed so we can talk without falling asleep this time.”
I chuckle as I lay back against the pillows and fight with the need to fold my arms to cover my now erect nipples.
“Okay, Mr. Bossy. Let’s talk. You go first.” Again he raises a brow, and I know he isn’t going to say a word to me until I open my mouth. “Okay, fine I’ll go first. Even your damn eyebrow is bossy.” I don't miss the little twitch of his lips at my snark.
“My dad left a while ago now. I’ve been making regular payments to the loan sharks, but this month they upped the interest and I couldn’t afford it.
I was hoping once I knew the series was a guarantee, I could get an advance from my editor.
But everything with Lucky and you blew up and I forgot to ask.
Before I knew it, I was living here and time sort of stood still while also careening by at warp speed.
I got that text and panicked. I thought they’d be more reasonable. ”
He scoffs and I frown at him. “I’m sorry Nico, but come on. You’re dealing with loan sharks. You should’ve told me. I would’ve helped.”
His scolds incites an overwhelming need to slap the smugness from his face.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Perfect, but surely you can appreciate why I didn’t want to come to you with money problems. You aren’t the most trusting of people, Lockheart.
You’re so closed off and guarded, even when we were doing the interview for the article.
I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you and your kindness by asking for help.
“Besides, it was my mess to deal with. I’m not a damsel in distress. Been taking care of myself for a long time now.”
I contemplate getting out of bed and storming out, but it doesn’t have the same effect when your naked butt is jiggling as you stomp out of the room, so I stay where I am. Instead, I turn away from him and fold my arms over my chest.
“Okay, I’ll take the not opening up to you on the chin because I get it.
I’m a closed book. And I’m trying to change that.
But Nico, you put yourself in danger. To what, prove a point?
What’s more important? Showing me that you don’t need rescuing?
Or coming home safe and whole? Lucky needs you more than anyone in this world.
Believe me when I tell you no one can ever replace your mum. ”
His voice has taken on a sadness that breaks my heart a little.
I turn back to look at him and the pain etched on his face makes tears spring in my eyes and the anger thaw in my heart.
He isn’t popping off at me to make me feel bad, he’s trying to show me how important I am to Lucky, trying to get me to see this situation from a whole different perspective.
My mom died when I was young, and while I don’t really remember a lot about her, I know I miss her.
I miss what we could’ve been, the relationship I needed growing up.
So to know that Owen lost his mom after she was his everything breaks my heart in two.
I grab his hand and hold on tightly. He watches as I lace our fingers together, his face changing from pain to fear as he holds onto my hand tightly.
“I need you, Whiskey Girl. I only just got you back. And when I saw his hands on you, it made me see red.” He brings his eyes up to meet mine and the passion and fire flickering inside them makes me shiver with anticipation.
“I’m sorry. If I’d known how you felt I would’ve told you. But you were so guarded around me, I didn't know.”
He raises our hands and kisses my knuckles. “Not anymore. I’m sorry I was guarded. I should’ve dropped that as soon as I found out you didn’t write those stories, but… Can we start again?”
I let my smile answer for me and he grins back.
“What do we do about Lucky? He needs to know who I am.”
And just like that, the smile is wiped from my face and the anxious swarm of bees takes flight in my stomach.
This is something I've been putting off. I don’t want Lucky to hate me for keeping this from him. Of course I want him to know who his dad is. I've wanted that for a long time. But I’m so scared it’s going to cause damage to his emotional state, and I don’t want my baby to hurt.
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m also worried he won't want me anymore. That I won’t be able to compete with the amazingly brilliant Owen Lockheart, professional goalie for Heath Hampstead FC.
It’s stupid I know, but it’s how I feel.
And I hate feeling it just as much as I hate acknowledging it might become true.
“Earth to Nico. Talk to me.” Owen reaches up and pulls my bottom lip from my teeth. I didn't even know I’d been chewing on it.
“I’m scared.” The vulnerability in my voice makes me wince a little, but I need to show him how to be open. If I close myself off to him how can I expect him to be an open book with me? I’ll lead by example on this one.
“Of what?” His thumb strokes my cheek as his gentle words and tone urge me to speak .
“That I’ll become second best.” My words catch in my throat, a strangled whisper, but I push through.
“It’s always been me and him. And I want you in his life, both of our lives.
But I’m scared to lose everything I have for everything I’ve ever wanted.
I’m sorry if that sounds incredibly selfish, Owen. ”
I try to turn my face away from him but he grips my chin and gently forces my gaze to meet his.
“It’s not selfish. It makes me happy that he has a mum who loves him so fiercely the idea of sharing him makes her terrified.
“You remind me of my mum. It was just me and her too. It’s how I know nothing will ever break the bond you have with Lucky. Trust me. You will always be his number one.”
I swipe away the tear that’s fallen down my cheek, and smile. “We’ll tell him tomorrow, or today, I don’t know what time it is. But we’ll do it together.”
His eyes lock onto mine, concern flashing through them. “What if he hates the idea of me being his dad?”
The vulnerability of his words, the worry etched on his face and the slight inflection in his tone, tugs on my heartstrings. This is what I wanted. His guard down and his heart opening up to me.
I run my fingers through his hair and smile when he closes his eyes at my caress.
“Lucky really is the luckiest little boy in the world. He has two parents who love him. He will be over the moon to know you’re his dad.”
I reassure him even as doubts niggle away at me. Not about him—I know Lucky will be over the moon about Owen—but about why it’s taken five years for me to tell him.
“He is going to be so upset with me for keeping this from him.”
“He might be, but he’ll get over it. I promise. I’ll need to put out a statement to the press too. Maybe look to change Lucky’s school in September.”
I bite my lip and nod. I know it has to be done. I know Lucky will need to go to a school with better security, and I love that he’ll finally be able to say ‘this is my dad,’ but I hate that his whole life has to change.
Instead of dwelling on that, I focus on Owen’s smiling eyes gazing up at me and smile back. Everything will be okay.
I hope.