39. Another Graduation #2
Marcus hangs back while everyone fights to commandeer my attention. Even though I’m distracted by everyone, I can still feel his gaze from across the room as if it were a physical touch. The way his eyes take me in, and I meet his gaze to see the appreciation that I already knew was there.
He gives me a smile that’s so bright the sun frowns at being outdone when he feels my eyes on him, and I know he’s letting everyone else have their moment with me, but today is my day, and everyone else can just deal with having Marcus with me as part of their moment with me.
I smile at my dad, who is closest to me, before I make my way across the room and thread my fingers through Marcus’s, tugging him back with me to everyone with the warmth of his body solidly next to mine.
It's not about needing his support or somehow feeling more complete with him.
I'm complete on my own. I know that, even with the twisted-up mess that I’ve been slowly untangling in my head for months now.
He just makes everything feel better, warmer.
It's like adding a spice to your favorite dish, which makes it that much more delicious.
There’s also a part of it where no one reads my soul quite like he does.
Qi comes pretty damn close, but Marcus has a way of knowing when I’m perfectly fine or when things are getting too heavy or too much.
He knows when I want to push through or when I need an out.
He knows when my innermost thoughts are being cruel or kind.
And the part I love the most is that, in a setting like this, even though I’m surrounded by the people I love most, I can get way overwhelmed, and he squeezes my hand to remind me to breathe.
“Alright, I think it’s time to head out,” Qi says, clapping his hands loudly to get everyone’s attention.
I raise an eyebrow in his direction because that’s usually my move. He just shoots me back a smug, happy grin, and I can’t help but shake my head at him with amusement. He throws his arm over the side of me that isn’t currently occupied by Marcus, and we walk out of the house together.
As much as I truly love everyone here, having the love of my life on one side of me, and the best little brother anyone ever had ever on my other side, I think it’s about as close to perfection as life can get in a single moment.
When we get to the university, there are people everywhere.
Families are making their way to the seating area while students find out where to line up.
With ten of us in our group alone, it took three cars to get all of us here, and Marcus seized the opportunity while everyone got out of their cars and situated to pull me slightly off to the side.
He pulls me close and hooks his fingers under my chin, tilting my face up to his. He’s been doing this to me since we met, and it’s never ceased to set my heartbeat pounding to the most erratic rhythm.
“I just wanted to say that you’re so fucking pretty. Like not just now, but always, but also like especially now. You take my breath away, my love,” he rushes out appreciatively, his voice a breathy whisper that sets my nerve endings alight.
I bite my lip before grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pulling him down to me.
His lips crash into mine, and while most of me drowns in his kiss, the rest of me is somewhat glad that I foresaw not making it through the ceremony without at least one of these kisses, and that I brought my lip liner with me to fix the heart-stutteringly amazing mess he’s making out of me right now.
One kiss is all we get before the group converges on us and pulls us apart. A few hugs and way too many fucking pictures, before they head towards the seating area, leaving me to find my place in the throng of graduates.
“Hey, little pixie, quite the group you’ve got there,” Cade says in my ear, sneaking up on me like he’s so good at doing.
After years of him doing this, I should be used to it, but he’s a sneaky fucker. Starting to think the sneaking up on people is just a natural state of being for him.
“You ready for this?” I ask, walking beside him as we weave through the students to where our section should be.
Cade shrugs, something wistful in his gaze, and I can tell he’s happy to graduate, but also not.
I’m pretty sure he found a family here with his frat brothers, and I can’t imagine it’s easy for him to give it up.
Not that I believe for a second he won’t keep tabs on them, but there’s still a huge difference between living with someone and staying in touch with them from a distance.
“Who’s taking over as president for Zeta Tau Xi?” I ask him, figuring that’s where the wistfulness is coming from. He’ll most likely be expected to take the helm of his family business now that he’s graduated.
Luckily, I don’t have to worry about any of that.
We live off-campus, so my being a student or not doesn’t affect whether I live there, and since my career is online, I can work from home without worrying about leaving the house.
The only thing that’s really about to change is no longer having classes and being able to actually save some money once the last of my student fees are paid off.
“I’m hoping Gio does,” Cade says seriously.
“I know that stepping down from quarterback to student coach will free up some time so he can focus more on his med classes, but I also think being the frat president will help keep his mind off of other things. Figure they can vote one of the other brothers in for the vice president position in his stead.”
I have to bite my tongue from asking what other things because I know it’s none of my business.
I do know the last time I saw Gio, he looked like he’d lost weight, and the usual sun that circles his bright smile and happy eyes had somewhat dimmed.
Not completely, but enough to notice. He seems more focused and less playful now, but of course, no less friendly.
“Do you know if Kingston will be here?” I ask, changing the subject.
To my knowledge, Kingston switched to online classes when he moved back home, so technically, he should be graduating too. Figured if anyone knew, it’d be Cade, since they seemed pretty chummy the last time I saw them together, even if it was under the wildest circumstances ever.
“Why would he come when there’s no one out in the crowd for him?” Cade asks quietly.
And my breath catches because I didn’t think of that. Was he really so alienated that, with his dad gone, he has no one left? Despite everything that’s happened, the weight of that hits my heart.
Cade must have seen it, though, because he nudges my shoulder with his.
“It’s not your cross to bear, Qiang. Your and Kingston’s paths are no longer crossing.
You go your way, and he goes his. What his path looks like now is not your fault, nor your concern.
He’ll be fine with time. Now, let’s not worry about unhappy things and go graduate,” he says reassuringly before steering me closer to where we need to go.
I nod my head shakily, unhappy with the revelation, but a lot of what Cade said is true, too. We’ve effectively severed ties, and I have so little effect on his life, either in our past or our present. He affected me so much more, but for him, I was just a passing ship in the night.
I shake it off. Today is about me and reclaiming something I had lost several years ago.
I follow Cade into the throng of students, and from there it’s just a lot of hurrying up and waiting.
Hustling to get to my spot and waiting. Someone coming up to add sashes and flair to my gown, and then waiting some more.
Finally, we get lined up and start marching, only to stop and wait some more. After what felt like hours of shuffling and silence, it’s finally time for the graduates to get called.
I think, regardless of how monumental graduation is, most of this day will fade into the back of my mind, except for one moment. When I cross the stage and take my diploma, I look up to find my family.
My brother’s smile is huge, and Tristan is beside him with wet eyes. I don’t even think Tristan’s eyes are wet because of me so much as just being affected by all the emotion around him. Or maybe I’m wrong. Our bond has grown exponentially over the past school year that we’ve lived together.
My mom’s eyes are watery with a smile that matches Qi’s, and my dad is dabbing his eyes to try to hide that he’s crying.
The Donovans and the Bauers are all sitting there with a mixture of happy tears and bright smiles.
There’s so much love and affection in all of their faces for me that it’s overwhelming.
And then there’s Marcus beside them. His eyes are fixed on mine, and it feels like it did almost a year ago, when our roles were reversed, and he was graduating high school while I watched from the stands.
So much has changed. My mind isn’t running through a catalog of should-nots; it’s running through a million reasons why I’m so thankful he ignored them all.
He still has a way of seeing straight into my soul and seeking out all the secrets and unspoken words that hide there, but it’s no longer something I’m afraid of.
It’s amazing how much has changed in just under a year.
My chest grows huge while I stare into my favorite obsidian eyes. Even though it’s only been about six months since we made it official between us, I know this is forever. I don’t have to doubt it or question it; it simply is a fact, one that’s both simple and cataclysmic.
And just like that, the graduating class is announced, and another phase of my life is closed while a new one opens. One filled with adulting, healing, loving, and growing.