Chapter 8
Bria
I gave up trying to work. I had been sitting here staring at my computer ever since Junior left, and that was at least an hour and a half ago. All I could think about was him saying he was falling for me, and the confusion I couldn’t help feeling.
I knew there was no way that he could be serious. People didn’t fall in love this quickly. I wasn’t even sure I believed people fell in love at all. Not like Carl and Lucinda. Not these days, and even if they did, they didn’t fall in love with me.
Frustrated, I turned off my computer and locked the office.
I needed to clear my mind, or I was going to throw off my whole routine.
I walked over to Lucinda’s, being sure to give the stables a wide berth.
The last thing I needed right now was to run into Junior or his family.
I was positive I’d made an awful first impression, and I didn’t need to follow it up with an even worse second.
When I reached the back door, I didn’t bother knocking.
I knew neither Carl nor Lucinda would mind my walking right in.
“Lucinda?” I called out, heading for the kitchen.
“Back here.” She surprised me by being in the small office they kept in the house instead.
I switched directions and found her sitting behind the desk, looking over some papers.
“I swear, we get more junk mail than bills, and that is saying something.” She held up an envelope. “Now why would they send up something for redoing our pavement? It’s a ranch. We don’t do pavement.”
“Maybe they figured you might have a driveway that needs to be redone.” I suggested.
She let out a loud snort. “That will be the day.” She shook her head. “I asked Carl about adding a driveway years ago, and the man told me nature already gave us all the driveway we needed.” I smiled, thinking that was just like Carl.
“What are you doing here in the middle of the day?” She stopped sorting the letters in front of her and looked up. “Did we have a meeting?”
“No, I just needed to talk to someone.”
“Oh, of course.” She put the mail aside. “Is everything alright?”
“Not really.” I sat down in the only other chair in the room. “I’m feel out of sorts and I’m not sure what to do.”
A soft smile touched her lips. “Is this about Junior?”
“How did you know?” I hadn’t said anything, and I thought we’d done a good job keeping our rides private.
“Honey, I knew there was something between you two the first time I saw you together.” She answered. “There was clearly chemistry between you. When he asked me to make dinner for you guys to take on your ride, I figured it was only a matter of time.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
She shrugged. “I know how private you are. I wanted to give you space, and I knew if you needed to talk, then you would come to me.”
I appreciated this woman so much. “Thank you.”
“Sure.” She waited for a moment. “I assume you need to talk.”
I nodded and told her all about Junior showing up with his family in tow and the fight we got into.
“Why did meeting his family make you mad?” she asked when I was done.
“It didn’t.” I told her.
“It sounds like it did.”
“It wasn’t that it made me angry.” I took a second to think. “It’s more that it made me nervous. He’s going to fast and I can’t help thinking what’s the point? He’ll be gone in a week. There’s no way that he’ll come back just for me.”
“Why not?” She tipped her head.
“Cause men don’t do that.” I bit the side of my lip.
“Some men do.” She added before taking a breath and letting it out slowly.
“I know your father didn’t give you a great impression of men, but not everyone is like him. Carl isn’t, and I don’t believe Junior is either.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “I can’t take that chance.”
“Why?” She kept going. “Because one guy years ago made you believe you didn’t deserve love or happiness? Because in the end he turned out to be like your dad?”
“He wasn’t the only one.” I reminded her.
“That might be true, but you can’t judge the whole field off one spoiled crop. Sometimes you have to take a chance that everything will work out. Yes, you might get hurt again, but trust me, love is worth that risk.”
“It’s too soon.” I argued.
Lucinda laughed. “What does time matter? I fell for Carl the moment I laid eyes on him, and that hasn’t changed once in all these years.
If anything, I love that man more now than I did then.
Love might take time to grow and deepen, but when you find that special one, you know it. You feel it in your heart.”
I let her words sink in. “I’m scared.” I admitted.
“That’s okay.” She smiled. “Talk to him and tell him what you’re feeling.”
“What if I don’t know what I’m feeling?”
“Then tell him that, but I think if you really search your heart, you’ll know.”
I sat there thinking about Junior. The way he always called me beautiful, even though I was moderately pretty at best. The way he challenges me to step out of my comfort zones.
His signature smile, which I thought was a player move, but turned out was just him being himself.
The heat I felt rushing through my body every time he looked at me.
The desire I could feel coming from him each time he touched me, and yet he didn’t push.
“Sleep on it.” Lucinda suggested. “Things might look different in the morning.”
“You’re probably right.” I stood. “I should get back to work.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “But I’m here if you need to talk more.”
“Thank you.” I knew I was very blessed to have her, and I didn’t take that for granted.
***
I took Lucinda’s advice and decided to sleep on my feelings.
That worked for all of a few hours. All of which I spent tossing and turning in bed just thinking over everything Junior had said.
Questioning if Lucinda was right and opening up to him was worth the risk of ending up heartbroken.
Could I trust that he was different? As I listened to my heart I believed I could, but then what?
It wasn’t as if he would leave his family’s ranch to work here, and I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else.
Where would that leave us if not lonely and miserable?
By the time I gave up on sleep it was almost two in the morning. I hadn’t been up this late since I finished college. I sat up in bed and let out a long breath. If I wasn’t going to be able to get any sleep then I might as well confront all this head on.
I slipped on some stretchy pants and a sweatshirt.
I grabbed a jacket before stepping outside and walking as quickly as I could across the ranch to the guest cabins.
It didn’t take long to get to where Junior was staying.
I second guessed myself twice before I lifted my hand and knocked.
I was just about to leave when the door cracked open.
“Bria?” Junior ran his hand over his face. His brows drawn together. “Baby, what are you doing here? Are you alright?” He opened the door wider.
“We need to talk.” I walked past him.
“At this time of night?” He closed the door and turned on the light.
“I couldn’t sleep.” I turned to face him.
“What’s wrong?” He yawned on the tail end of wrong.
“This can’t work.” I blurted out. “You have to know that, right? You live so far away, and I live here. I like my organization and you’re all about the spur of the moment.
I don’t do spur of the moment. I’d be lost without my schedule.
And sure, you keep telling me I’m beautiful, but eventually you are going to realize that I’m not.
Then you’re going to end up with someone like that woman that keeps hitting on you, and where is that going to leave me?
Broken and alone. I can’t do that again. I just can’t.”
“Wow, that was a lot.” I saw him shake his head.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just give me a minute.” I stayed silent while he processed everything I’d said. “Okay, first, you are beautiful. I don’t know why you don’t see it, but it breaks my heart that you don’t.”
“Junior.”
“No.” He came over to me and cupped my face in his hands. “You are beautiful, Bria, and if I have to tell you every day for the rest of our lives in order to get you to see it, then that is what I will do.”
My eyes burned with tears that threatened to fall. “I’ve never been beautiful. If I were then my father would have loved me.”
Junior drew in a quick breath. “What?”
I turned away from him. My arms wrapped around my waist as I fought to hold off the moisture clouding my vision. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t.
“My father was a rodeo rider. Nothing like your family. I don’t think he ever rode in any major competition, but he loved two things: horses and women.
My mother was one of them. She didn’t tell him when she got pregnant.
If she hadn’t died I’m not sure I ever would have known who he was, but she didn’t have any family and her friend dropped me off at his door and bailed. ”
“I spent most of my childhood with the ranch hands while my father whored around with all kinds of women, and he’d always remind me that I wasn’t anything special.
I looked too much like my mother, and she’d ruined his life by giving him me.
If I wasn’t there then he could have traveled the way he wanted.
He could have been one of the greats, but I held him back. ”
I could still hear his voice in my mind. His rough gravel sneering out each word.