Chapter 50
Jailbreak
The Boys of Fall are on a roll and the road to the Championship is being forged. Nothing will ruin our good fortune. #LonghornsForever
I smile at Sonia, my therapist in greeting.
I'm relieved that our session is only an hour long today. I found out last night that my sperm donor wants to postpone our reunion. He wants nothing to do with me until the resolution of the whole Benji ordeal. He’s asked me not to tell my half-siblings of our relationship until after I testify against Benji and Jeffrey.
He wants them safe. I want them safe, too. I'm still hurt, though.
"Any new updates on meeting with your dad?"
"Funny, you should ask. He called me last night for the first time."
"Tell me how the conversation went with your father." She's either the best therapist or the evilest one. She sparks emotions in me that I've buried down deep. I snort but give her what she wants.
Hello.
Hi, Dani. It's your Dad.
Umm...Hey. How's it going?!
I wasn't sure if you would answer. I'm glad you did.
Uh. Thanks. I half laugh, so awkward.
Well, listen, I know you've been through a lot lately, and I'm sorry for that.
But...
Yea, um, but your mom talked to me yesterday, and I know they asked you to testify at the upcoming trial. I don't know how else to say this without being blunt. I can't have my family dragged into the spotlight that it will give.
Yeah. I'm looking forward to that myself.
I can only imagine how you feel and I'm sorry.
Okay.
And I really can't wait until you get to meet your siblings. They will love you but promise me you won't contact them until after the conviction. Please?
I promise. I won't. I would never, I don't want anyone else to get involved in this mess.
Thank you. I want to make my absence up to you. I do. I just can't until after this mess is over.
Well, I'll talk to you whenever I guess.
Yeah. Yeah. That'll be great. Our call ends after that.
She stares at me dumbfounded. "Your dad actually said all of that?"
"Pretty much word for word. I don't think I will ever forget it."
"How did it make you feel?"
I snort again. "Angry. Livid really but also sad."
"Why were you angry?" I stare back at her like she's an idiot.
She's obviously not, but that was a stupid question.
"Dani, look, you have every right to your anger.
I would have honestly told him where he could go, but I want you to learn how to process these feelings.
That will help you not only grow as a person but will help your traumas to heal.
Speaking them out loud can lead to easier growth. "
I nod. When she explains it like that, her question makes sense.
"I was angry because I don’t resent his need to protect my brother and sister, I understand it.
But what about me? Why doesn't he care enough about me to want to be there for me?
It's unfair and our whole first conversation disheartens me.
I'm not sure if I want to see or talk to him again.
I was finally in a good place about his departure, and then he did this, and while that doesn't take away from the healing that's already occurred, it puts another tiny slash on my heart. "
"Dani, I see so much growth in you already. What you have to do now is decide what's best for you. Is it in your best interest to associate with him again? Only you will be able to answer that. When did you find out about the trial?"
"Yesterday, right before daddy dearest called."
"I'm sorry. That wasn't great. Tell me, what's going on with the case?"
"The prosecutor came in person to see us. He told me they would have a rock-solid case only if I would testify. He didn't think that mere pictures of my assaults would be enough. I didn't have to think about it, I told him yes. I'm scared, but I can't let him get away with what he's done."
"Is the trial still set for next summer?"
I gulp, willing myself not to cry. "It's been pushed up. It'll be this November. Benji keeps trying to escape."
She shakes her head. "Wow. What was your first thought when they told you that it was now in November?"
"I know this will sound crazy, but my mind was blank. I couldn't comprehend anything he said for a minute or so. Then came fear, followed by anger."
"Were you more scared of having to face Benji in court or the chance that he could escape?"
"I'm not, well, at least when I think about facing him, I'm not scared. I'm more eager for this to be over. However, the thought of Benji escaping terrifies me. Not knowing where he was before his capture kept me up at night. I don't want to feel that way again."
"Will you need protective detail?"
"No, not yet. The prosecution is not putting me on the client list until the last minute. After they do, I'll go into protective custody for the trial duration."
"That's got to be scary."
"Maybe I'm numb to the fact, but I'm not scared of that. I'm just hoping this will all be over soon. I want to heal. I want my trauma to change me for the better, not the worse."
"What's the word on Jeffery's trial?"
"I haven't heard any more details. As far as I know, It'll be in December."
"Will you have to testify in that one?"
"I will. I hope Jeffery gets the help he needs."
"Why aren’t you mad at Jeffery?"
I shrug. "I feel sorry for him. We are both Benji’s victims. Benji manipulated Jeffery and made him believe things that weren't true. Jeffery needs help and I want to make sure he gets it. He doesn't have anyone to help him. His dad left when he was very young and his mama is a junkie."
"That's not your fault. Why do you care so much?"
"I can't help but relate somewhat to his story.
My dad left too, but I have an angel for a mother.
I can't help but wonder what my life would’ve been like if she had become a junky.
He didn't get the protection of a good family life.
He doesn't have a granny Betsy Jean. I feel sorry for him and I feel a little guilty. "
"Guilty? I'm sorry but I'm not following."
"I feel guilty because he was easy pickings for Benji. He was a desperate soul, and Benji used that to hurt him. If I hadn't danced with Benji in the first place, Jeffery might have never been a part of this."
"Dani. Don't do that. We can drive ourselves crazy with all the shoulda/coulda/wouldas in life.
We can't live life like that. You will never know some things.
It is what it is, and you can't let that drive you crazy. If not you, it would have been someone else. He was headed down a road of destruction way before he met you. Something bad would’ve happened with or without your involvement. "
I nod my head. I’ll never know and I have no reason to feel guilty. "The fault lies with Benji, not me."
"That's right. I want to talk more about Benji next time. I want to hear full details about the kidnapping. It will be a hard session. It's bound to dredge up terrible feelings, but it's necessary for your healing."
I stand. "Thanks, Sonia. You've helped me so much already."
My phone starts vibrating. I answer as I walk out the door. "Hello."
"Hey, beautiful." I drop my bag. It can't be.
How did HE get my number? I hang up quickly, and I run for the safety of my mom's car.
I borrowed it for my appointment. I jump in and start the ignition.
I scream as I see Benji sitting in the backseat, smiling.
He's broken out of jail, and he's holding a knife.