Chapter 16
“Wasn’t therea time when we didn’t talk about boys?” Charlie asked as she polished off the last of the spicy tuna sashimi.
“Yeah, I think we were in diapers,” I muttered.
“Kingston Caldwell. My first crush,” Charlie said. “I was five. He told me to eat dirt and then I tackled him on the playground.”
I thought about Bones tackling me this morning and my blood instantly heated.
Not much had changed through the years, I realized.
“Have you given it any more thought?” Charlie inquired. “The charity, I mean.”
“Charity? What charity?”
“The one you’re going to start,” she stated. “Find your furry soul mate, or whatever.”
“That sounds like a weird, kinky hook-up app for furries.”
“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,” Charlie said.
I looked at her. “Really?”
“I’m an explorer.” She shrugged. “I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot.”
“The furry thing?”
She rolled her eyes. “You make one joke. No. About your charity.”
“It’s not my charity.”
“I know, but it should become one. And I’ve been noodling on a business plan.”
“You have?” I asked in surprise.
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s like a puzzle I’m trying to put together. Still surprised my brain isn’t entirely useless mush, but the oddest thing happened. When I fed my brain a piece of information, it jump-started like a computer. Fascinating stuff, the brain.”
“You downplay it so well, Charlie,” I said with a laugh.
“What do you think, though? If I could get a plan together, would you at least look at it?”
“I definitely will.”
Bones had asked me what I did for work. And I didn’t have a good answer for him. I spent my time how I wanted. It was a luxury most people never had. I realized that.
It did make me wonder what he did, though. There were so many things we didn’t know about each other, things we’d eventually learn if we chose to continue spending time with one another.
And that line of thinking brought it all back to what Charlie had mentioned.
Most people I knew didn’t marry for love. They married for convenience, money, and business. My mother and father had married for love, but they’d come from a similar background. They weren’t fighting an uphill battle to be together.
“Are your parents happy together?” I asked her suddenly.
“I think so. Why do you ask?”
“Just thinking.”
“About…”
“About marriage. And love. And how it’s hard even if you don’t have the deck stacked against you.”
“The divorce rate is close to sixty percent now if you’re twenty-five or under,” she said.
“That’s a lot.”
“It’s not very comforting, that’s for sure.” She paused. “Your parents were stupidly happy.”
“Grossly happy.” I smiled softly. “They definitely were not the norm.”
“Your mom and Arnold are happy, though. Right?”
“I think they are. But I wonder sometimes, you know? They’ve known each other for a long time. Maybe it’s just familiarity.”
“Maybe,” she agreed. “You’re thinking about Bones, aren’t you?”
“I guess.”
“And you’re wondering if you have a shot in hell of making this work long term.”
“There is no shot in hell,” I said quietly. “There’s no way at all this actually works. And it’s too soon to even be thinking about something like that.”
“It’s never too soon,” she said. “This is what we do. You get that, right?”
“I didn’t think about it with Tyler. I mean, I guess I didn’t really have to because it was supposed to work out. It was supposed to be graduation and a ring on the finger, a big house, and babies for my mother. My life was supposed to look so different than it does now.”
“Regrets?”
“No.” I frowned. “I thought we were solid and sure. I thought he was steadfast. I thought he’d be the rock the ocean waves crashed against in a storm.” I let out a small laugh.
“What?”
“Nothing, just—with enough force, rock turns to sand.”
The scent of sugar and caramel hit me the moment I stepped into Pie in the Sky. I took a deep breath and savored the aromas. Normally, I didn’t begrudge my inability to partake in sweets, but today, I resented the hell out of it.
It was my own fault, for going into the land of temptation.
“We just got Fluffernutter to stop peeing on the bathmat. You really think we’re ready for another dog?” Jazz asked Brielle as she moved the glass jar of espresso beans and cleaned underneath it on the counter.
“I think our dog needs a dog,” Brielle insisted as she closed the bakery display window. She looked up and saw me. “Hayden!”
I smiled. “Hey.”
“Are you meeting Bones here?” Jazz asked.
I shook my head. “Willa, actually.”
“Oh. Well, great. What can I get you?”
“Just an herbal tea. Surprise me.”
“That’s it?” Jazz asked. “I just took the goat cheese, lavender, and fig galettes out of the oven. If you wait for them to cool, I’ll be glad to bring you one.”
“I just had sushi with Charlie,” I said. “So I’m full. But thanks for the offer.”
Brielle went for a tin canister of tea leaves. “So, how’s it going?”
“It’s going well,” I said.
“I mean between you and Bones.” She grinned.
“It’s…going.”
“That doesn’t sound very exciting,” Jazz said as Brielle handed her the tea ball. Jazz placed it in a mug and filled it with hot water from the electric kettle that rested on the counter.
“Why is everyone obsessed with my love life?” I asked. “My mother, Charlie, now you guys.”
They exchanged a look and then Jazz ventured to say, “Well, because it’s kind of fascinating.”
“Definitely fascinating,” Brielle agreed. “You’re you, and Bones is Bones and we’re all just curious how this is going to shake out.”
“We all who?” I demanded.
“Well, us,” Jazz said. “And the Old Ladies. The club. Everyone, really.”
“Wait,” I began. “The Old Ladies know about me? The club knows about me?”
“Bones asked you to go to the wedding. Of course they know about you,” Jazz said.
“How do you know about the wedding?” I asked.
“We’re catering it,” Brielle responded.
“So, everyone knows my business?”
“Kinda,” Jazz said. “But not really. Not details. So, give us the details!”
I snorted. “So you guys can talk about it when I’m not around?”
The door to the bakery opened and Willa strode inside.
“Is everyone talking about me and Bones?” I asked Willa in way of greeting.
“Of course,” Willa said.
“What do you mean of course?”
Willa looked at Brielle and then Jazz. “Hi guys.”
“Hello,” Jazz said. “Usual?”
“Please.” Willa removed her jacket. “It’s hot in here.”
“Oven,” Brielle stated.
“Hmm. What do I smell? Fig?”
“Yep,” Jazz said. “Brooklyn’s newest addition.”
“I thought she wasn’t coming back for a few more weeks,” Willa said.
Brielle re-tied her apron. “She didn’t. She made the recipe at home. We went over to her house the other day and she showed us how to make it.”
Willa laughed. “I wondered how she was going to get around not being involved. She still balking at hiring someone in the interim while she’s out?”
“Kind of,” Brielle said. “But I’m putting the screws to her. I want to get back to decorating wedding cakes. Being an administrative assistant and appointment girl for my brothers is not doing it for me.”
“Hmm,” Willa murmured.
“Your tea’s done brewing,” Jazz said, handing me my mug.
“I’ll bring over some goodies for you,” Brielle said to Willa.
“Thanks.” Willa looked at me. “Corner table?”
I nodded and followed her toward the back window. The café was quiet this time of day. She sat and I set my mug down before I removed my jacket and hung it on the back of the chair.
“So, people are talking about me and Bones,” I said, wanting to pick up the thread of our earlier conversation.
“Yes. Well, the brothers aren’t. I mean, they might be…I don’t know. Duke and Savage are gossips.” She grinned. “But the Old Ladies and I are taking about it. They can’t wait to meet you at the wedding.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Because the idea of you is utterly fascinating,” she said. “The new girl is always the talk of the town.”
“New girl?”
“Yeah.” She paused. “How do I say this without freaking you the fuck out?”
“Well, that’s not a good way to start,” I huffed.
She smiled softly. “These men, they kind of…do things their own way.”
“Okay?”
“When they see something they want, they go after it.”
“Okay.”
“They know.”
“Know what?”
“They know when they’ve found the woman they want for the rest of their lives.”
“Oh,” I said quietly. “Yeah, Charlie might’ve mentioned that to me.”
She raised her brows. “Charlie did?”
I nodded. “She’s been…hanging out with Savage.”
“I know.”
“You do?”
“Savage is my best friend. I’ve known him and Duke since we were nine years old. Savage tells me everything. Well, not everything. He doesn’t kiss and tell. He’s actually a gentleman in that area. Anyway, Savage told Charlie?”
“To tell me,” I said. “Almost like a warning about Bones.”
“Huh.”
“Charlie and Savage aren’t anything but casual. She has no interest in falling in love.”
“Good.” She let out a sigh of relief. “Because neither does Savage. Frankly, I’m not sure he’s even wired for it. He’s left a lot of women brokenhearted thinking that they’ll be the one to change that. They’re always so surprised when he lets them down. They’re usually not even mad at him when he does it because he’s honest about his intentions. It’s crazy, actually.”
“Crazy,” I agreed.
“Well, I’m glad then. For Charlie’s sake. I wouldn’t want her to get hurt.”
“Her heart is coated in steel,” I stated. “She’s not interested in love.”
“Are you interested in love?”
“Oh, and look at that. We’re back to talking about me.”
Jazz briefly interrupted by bringing Willa a huge coffee with whipped cream and caramel syrup and a plate of assorted baked goods.
“Delish,” Willa said with a sigh.
“I made it decaf,” Jazz said.
“Thanks.” Willa shot her a smile.
Jazz looked at me. “You good?”
“I’m good.”
“The tea?”
“Still too hot to taste.”
“Let me know,” she said, and then left.
“You didn’t call me to talk about Bones,” I said.
She shook her head. “No, that’s just a fun little byproduct. You still haven’t answered though.”
“About what?”
“About what I said. And how these men, these bikers, know quickly if they want a woman to be their woman.”
“So, his behavior,” I said slowly. “Can I trust it? Can I trust him? He’s not love-bombing me?”
Willa shook her head. “No.”
“So, when he says he’s not playing games, he really means it?”
“He means it.”
My brow furrowed. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I’m going to say one more thing and then I’ll hold my tongue, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know you guys come from different backgrounds. You’re, well…ya know.”
My lips flickered. “Yeah, I know.”
“And he’s…not. I know on the outside it looks like this’ll never work. But don’t let that be the reason you don’t give this a shot. If you don’t see him in your future, well, that’s a different story. But don’t look for reasons to say no.”
“There are so many reasons to say no,” I said quietly. “And not just because of the background thing. How would we even build a life together? I couldn’t even figure out how to do that with someone from my own world—and that made sense.”
“Did it? Because if it did, you’d be with that guy. Right now.”
I let out a long breath. “Insightful.”
“I don’t know you. Not really. But if you pay attention, people show you who they really are. And I think you’re one of the good ones. So is Bones. Sometimes we have to stop looking at our lives through the lenses of what makes sense. Has making sense made you happy?”
She placed her hand on her belly.
“No. It hasn’t made me happy. It hasn’t made me unhappy, but I’ve definitely been in limbo.”
“Only you can decide if you’re ready to let someone in and see you.”
“It’s terrifying.”
“Yep.”
“It’s a huge risk.”
“Definitely. But if your life looks just like it does now for the next fifty years, will it be enough for you? If the answer is no, then you have to decide if you’re willing to chance heartbreak for the gamble that it all might pay off.”
I swallowed. “He sleeps with a pistol on the nightstand.”
“He carries it on him during the day,” she pointed out.
“Yeah. But I saw it last night. And it…it was a realization.”
“That he’s not playing at being a biker, he’s an actual biker?”
I nodded.
She smiled. “Yeah, they’re not playing at being bad boys.”
“Bad boys,” I repeated. “I’ve never dated a bad boy.”
“The trick is to find a bad boy who will fuck up anyone that tries to hurt you, but one who’d never hurt you himself. A bad boy that sees you as the center of his entire world.” Her eyes grew misty. “A bad boy who promises you everything and actually delivers. That’s the secret to falling in love with a bad boy.”
“Scary enough to slay dragons and demons, but not become something I have to slay myself.”
“Something like that,” she said.
“I’m glad you called.”
“I tried to give it a few days. I didn’t want to crowd you while you sorted through stuff.”
“I haven’t sorted anything at all,” I replied.
“I meant about the gunman.”
“Right. Wow. That happened, didn’t it?”
“It did.”
“How are you doing with it all? I mean, you were the one who…”
“I pulled the trigger. I did the right thing. But it doesn’t mean I sleep soundly.” She shook her head. “But I’ve got a man who pulls me into his arms and holds me while I fall apart. And then he helps me pick up the pieces. And that is truly priceless.”