Chapter 36
Darcy was buried nextto her husband. Their son stood with crutches, his left leg in a bright blue cast. His expression was somber and in that moment, he looked far older than thirteen. His sister had a gash across her head that had been stitched, and other than sitting in a wheelchair, if you hadn’t known she’d been in a coma recently with a punctured lung, you never would’ve guessed how close she had come to death. She looked dazed though, utterly shell shocked by the weight of it all.
Apparently, she hadn’t spoken since Doc told her that her mother had died.
The Old Ladies stood with their men. Rach gripped her son tighter and buried her face in his hair. A man I didn’t recognize stood next to her and put his arm around her.
Cool air brushed my cheeks and I shivered. Barren trees waved their naked branches. As the coffin was lowered into the ground, Lily came out of her stupor. She tried to scream but it came out more like a panicked wheeze and tears streamed down her face.
Boxer grabbed the handles of her wheelchair, turned her around and wheeled her away.
Doc placed her hand on Cam’s shoulder and took a step closer to him. He made no indication that he felt her presence.
Instead of looking at the faces of the Old Ladies, I focused on Boxer and Lily. He’d parked her wheelchair a hundred or so yards away, and I watched as he crouched down in front of her and grasped her hands. Whatever he said made her lean into his arms as best she could and hug his neck.
I thought about my own father’s funeral. I’d quickly escaped the crowd, swiped a bottle of my father’s favorite scotch, and drank it in the privacy of my bathroom alone. Charlie had found me, but instead of partaking, she let me get stinking drunk and then held my hair back when I cried so hard I’d began vomiting.
“Hayden,” Bones murmured. He squeezed my cold hand.
“Hmm.”
“Time to go.”
I blinked as I shook off the past. Nodding, I walked with him to my car. Women carried their babies, securing them into car seats as people began to say goodbye to each other.
“Where to?” I asked as I buckled myself in.
“The clubhouse,” he said.
We drove in companionable silence. I appreciated not having to speak. Bones’ cell phone rang. He reached into his leather cut and pulled it out. He pressed a button and put it to his ear. After a moment he said, “Yeah.”
And then he hung up. “Prez is calling a meeting when we get to the clubhouse.”
“I guess that means I have to face Rach and Logan alone.”
“He’s calling a meeting with the brothers and the Old Ladies. He wants you there, too, Hayden.”
Though I wasn’t technically his Old Lady, I let it pass. We’d just said I love you. I wasn’t ready for a conversation about becoming his Old Lady, if that was something he even wanted. Love didn’t mean a long-term commitment.
It was a caravan to the clubhouse and we all arrived in succession. We parked and got out of the car. Bones slung his arm around my shoulders as we walked up the steps.
The mood was solemn and quiet. Platters of food and bottles of alcohol were already set out. I guessed Jazz and Brielle had taken care of it, but they weren’t around. No doubt they were giving the club privacy.
“Church,” Colt announced.
Waverly and Sailor ushered the older kids toward the stairwell that led to the basement theater room. The women with toddler-aged children followed them downstairs.
Cam stared at the direction they were going. It was hard enough getting around flat ground on crutches, let alone taking the stairs.
“Need some help, buddy?” Boxer asked him quietly.
Cam nodded.
“I need my nursing blanket,” Brooklyn said to Slash. “Palmer’s getting fussy.”
“I’ll get it,” Slash said. “You go out to the shed and I’ll be there in a minute.”
Rach turned to the man who’d come to the funeral with her and handed her son to him. “This shouldn’t take long.”
He put the baby to his chest and held him.
“Tavy will keep you company,” Logan said. “Won’t you, Tavy?”
“I’ll keep your brother company,” Tavy said. “And help him with Cash.”
“You can change Cash’s dirty diaper,” the man said.
Tavy snorted. “No way. You’re courting Rach, you change her son’s diapers.”
Bones placed his hand at the small of my back and ushered me toward the backyard. The dainty clop of high heels was pierced only by the heavy clod of motorcycle boots.
Colt Weston, President of the Tarnished Angels, opened the door to a shed-like building and flipped on the light. The Old Ladies went in first and I was last. Before I could turn to ask Bones where I should sit, the door promptly shut.
“What the hell is going on?” Mia demanded.
“You’re not coming out until you guys talk,” Colt shot back.
Joni marched to the door and pounded on the wood. “Zip! Let us out!”
“Prez is right,” her husband replied through the door. “If you don’t make amends, the club is finished.”
“Brooklyn,” Allison cried. “What are you doing?”
Brooklyn raised her brows. “I’m sitting down so I can nurse my daughter. She’s got a set of lungs on her and I know there’s about to be a lot of yelling. At least with her, I can put a cork in it.”
“My morning sickness is becoming afternoon sickness,” Willa yelled at the door. “You really want me to throw up in here? Duke? Answer me!”
“There’s a bucket in the corner for you, babe,” Duke called back. “I suggest you use it.”
“There are bottles of water for everyone in the cooler,” Smoke said. “Along with deli meat.”
“Hayden’s a pescatarian.” Sutton looked at me and then called through the door. “You didn’t think about that, did you?”
“There’s cut up carrots and celery, cheese, and apples,” Bones said.
“You knew about this?” I snapped.
“Damn right I knew about it,” Bones replied. “It was my fucking idea.”
“I’m going to murder you,” I seethed.
“Just as long as you all make up,” Bones said, his tone easy.
“We could lie, you know,” Joni stated. “And get you to let us out of here.”
“You really don’t want to do that,” Zip said.
“Why not?” Joni asked.
“We’re on a sex strike,” Zip stated.
“What?” Sutton screeched.
“Yep, we’re not putting out until you guys are friends again,” Savage stated.
“You don’t even have on Old Lady in here,” Willa bellowed. “Why are you on strike?”
“Solidarity,” Savage commented.
“Well, we’re fucked,” Willa moaned. “And not in a good way. Savage never gives up sex.”
The women began to speak all at once, throwing accusations and words of anger at each other.
“She wasn’t drunk!” Doc raised her voice to be heard over the cacophony of various fights.
Rach turned to look at Doc as the room got suddenly quiet. “What?”
“She wasn’t drunk,” Doc repeated.
“How can you know that?” Mia asked.
“They drew her blood after the accident and there was nothing in her system. When you got the call they should have told you. I don’t know why they didn’t, but I called today and confirmed it. Blood test was clean.”
Mia blanched. “I dropped my phone as soon as I heard she was gone. I didn’t even think…I just assumed.”
Doc continued, “Cam told me what happened when he woke up. The kids got into an argument and Darcy turned around to stop them from fighting. When she did, she must have turned the wheel and—and they crashed into the barrier between the exit and the interstate. Besides, the night before the wedding Cam got up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen for a drink of water. Darcy was standing at the sink, pouring out the bottles of liquor. They’re going to run a full tox screen to see if anything else was in her system, but those results could take a while.”
The room was silent.
“Is it possible?” Rach whispered. “That she’d turned the corner and none of us knew?”
Doc ran a hand through her hair. “Can’t we give our friend the benefit of the doubt? Can’t we forgive each other for not being the best versions of ourselves? Can’t we move forward and promise that nothing matters more than each other?”
Rach broke down in tears and Logan immediately wrapped her in her arms. The other Old Ladies moved closer to each other, embracing one another and crying, spouting words of apology and absolution.
I was the only one who sat by, unsure of where I belonged.
But then Rach looked up from Logan’s shoulder and they both reached their hands out to me. I was pulled into the group and became one of them.
“Is that why you don’t drink?” Rach asked. “Because of what happened at your father’s funeral?”
“Yes,” I lied. It was one reason, but not the only reason—and I didn’t feel like sharing yet. I picked up a cube of cheddar from my plate and placed it in my mouth.
Though it was a wake, the oppressive heaviness had lifted, if only marginally. At least the Old Ladies had reknitted the bonds of sisterhood.
I sat with Logan and Rach at the picnic table. Bones and Smoke were talking to Logan’s brother, Chase.
“Your brother looks like he’s holding his own,” I commented.
Logan nodded. “Yep.”
Cash reached for a grape on Rach’s plate. She picked it up and bit it in half before giving him a piece.
Chase paused in his conversation and looked at Rach. Their eyes met and she gave him a little finger wave. He smiled back.
“It looks like it’s going well between you two,” I commented.
“It’s going slow,” Rach said.
“He flew down for your friend’s funeral to be with you,” Logan said. “That’s not slow.”
Rach’s brow wrinkled. “Well, I’m trying to take it slow. I’ve got a son. We live in different states. There’s a lot to consider.”
“My brother has been in love with you forever,” Logan said. “Kinda hard to take that slow.”
“He lives in Idaho. I live here,” she reiterated. “I don’t want to live through harsh winters. I’ve done that before. But he hates the weather here. My life is here.”
“Sounds like an excuse to me,” Logan said.
“Hey,” Rach said. “Go easy on me.”
“Have you asked him? If he’d consider moving here?” I asked.
“He’d have to change his entire life,” Rach said. “He works with his father and brothers in the family business.”
“Contractor family business,” Logan clarified. “Chase is the numbers guy. But if he moved here, maybe that would get my parents to move here. And if my parents moved here, maybe the rest of my family would move here.”
“Oh, I see how it is.” Rach smiled. “You want your whole family near you. Can you imagine your brothers just walking into your house while you and Smoke are making breakfast.”
Logan chuckled.
“How many brothers do you have?” I asked.
“Four,” she said. “All older. All a pain in the ass. But I miss them. The club is attempting to break into real estate. Might be nice to have a reliable contractor to do business with.”
The two of them started gabbing about the possibilities. I quietly excused myself and took my empty plate to one of the garbage cans.
I grabbed a sparkling water from a cooler and wandered around the side of the clubhouse to momentarily escape.
Doc was leaning against the siding like she wanted a moment of privacy, too.
“Sorry,” I said, turning around to head back the way I’d come.
“You had the same idea,” she said. “You needed some space. Some quiet.”
I nodded. “I can go inside.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“You sure?”
She nodded.
Making a snap decision, I decided to approach and took the spot next to her and mimicked her position.
“This must be a lot for you,” I said.
Doc sighed. “I don’t know what the hell she was thinking.”
I frowned. “Who?”
“Darcy.” She ran her fingers through her blonde pixie hair. “What was she thinking giving me guardianship of her kids?”
“Not just you. You and Boxer.”
“Boxer makes sense. Boxer is Lily’s favorite person. But me?” She shook her head. “I’m not maternal. I work sixty-hour weeks. I love my career.”
She looked at the ground. “I’m not ready to be a mom. And now I’m responsible for two kids. Two amazing kids who lost their parents, and now they’re stuck with me. Darcy—she makes—made—Lily’s ballet tutus. I sew skin for a living. I can’t sew tulle. And Cam? He needed a very complex surgery on his leg. He loves to play soccer. What if he’ll never be able to run as fast again? What if it bothers him the rest of his life? What if…”
Her hand crept across her stomach and rested there.
It clicked immediately.
“What if,” I said quietly, “they think they don’t belong in your family because of the new baby?”
Her head whipped to mine and her sharp gaze softened. She swallowed. “Yes. That.”
I took her free hand and gave it a squeeze. “If there’s anything I learned about the people at this funeral, it’s that they’re family. You’re not alone. And you won’t have to do this alone.”
“I’m good at being a doctor. What if it’s the only thing I’m good at?”
“It’s not. You’ll figure it out, Doc. You don’t have to make Lily’s tutus. You’re never going to be Darcy. You’re never going to replace her. But you can be their…Doc. And you can be there for those kids the way they need someone now. Darcy chose you for a reason, remember that. She knew if anything happened, you’d be there for them. She chose you.”
She shot me a look and smiled. “Yeah. I can be there for them.”