Chapter 27
Riley
Today was hard.
Dom has been working all day, so instead of having him as a distraction, the pain that surges every now and then when the memory of my parents is too strong hits me harder than I thought.
There are days when I have to remember I learned to pick myself up once, and I can do it again, even on days like today, when it feels like I’m going to crawl out of my skin.
I cleaned, painted, ran, and organized everything I could for Monday, and I’m still a little restless.
But I’m going to get my shit together and go celebrate the fact that things with Lilly and I are better, even if I don’t have my parents here to remind me.
Growing up, my parents were everything to me.
They were my rock, my steady place, my shoulder to cry on, the only two people who never made me feel like a burden. And when I lost them, I lost that too.
People don’t talk enough about all the things death takes from you.
It’s beyond the physical bodies of the people it took; it’s memories never made, possibilities, comfort, and heaven on Earth.
Death takes shoulders to cry on, favorite scents, and understanding like nothing else does. And I hate that it took them.
Mom was the glue holding everything in place, and without her, the lights dimmed, the schedules shifted, and it all fell apart little by little.
Then Dad followed, taking with him the last spark of joy and hope we all had. We’ve all been walking around surviving, not thriving, without them, and they would hate it.
I knock on Lilly’s blue door I painted so many summers ago. I thought she would be mad, but she never even bitched about it. I’m still surprised. Willa was chill about her pink one, but I for sure thought Lilly would throw a fit. She even thanked me for it.
And looking back, I wonder how many of our interactions were not as bad as I made them out to be just because I didn’t see Lilly for the broken-hearted eldest child who also lost her parents and freedom.
And here I was, calling her an uptight bitch. I’ve been so, so wrong, all my life practically—from the teenage angst to the pissed young adult who left to go to college, thinking the worst of her.
No more.
I get her now, and I know she sees me. It’s time to make this better for everyone around. She’s not dead, and my relationship with her is worth mending.
“Open up, Lils!” I shout, a mirror of last night outside Dom’s door, but I refuse to let the outcome be the same. He wants to stop whatever we had going on, so be it, but I won’t let that happen to Lilly and me.
She swings the door open in a turquoise robe, with a matching hair towel, slippers, and a facemask.
I snort a laugh. Of course she would color code her wellness fit.
“What?” she asks, and I can’t hold it in and laugh louder. “See? This is why I don’t do things for me anymore. There’s always a damn fire to put out. Can’t even wash my hair without someone needing something.”
“Lilly,” I cackle.
“Just tell me. What is it?”
“Nothing is wrong. I’m here because we’re going out.” I push her back inside of her cabin, shutting the door behind me. The scent transports me to easier and happier days, back when our relationship wasn’t tainted by roadblocks and responsibilities.
“I’m not going out. See what I’m doing? Relaxing before the kids come Monday.”
I hold her hands. “Babe, you don’t need to stay in here to relax. You need to let loose. Locking yourself in with your overthinking brain is not going to help you achieve what you want, but going line dancing with me will.”
“No, it won’t.”
I shake her hands up and down. “It will, and we are. Go, get ready. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“I hate dancing.”
“You don’t.” I tip toe around her and take a seat on her plush chair in the middle of her living room.
“I just washed my hair. I don’t want to sweat.”
I gasp, bringing my hands to my chest. “Blasphemy! You don’t sweat.” I do spirit fingers in the air. “You sparkle.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “It’s late.”
I’m winning this argument, even if it’s the last thing I do. “It’s seven on a Saturday night. Next Saturday night, you’re going to be exhausted after running around all week. This is your last chance to truly relax before the opening date. Live a little!”
Words I just used with Dom, which makes me think about him some more. But I shake it off. I need to find my footing in this place without being hooked on him. This is casual. Chill. Just sex.
Even if I’m in love with him.
“Is this a prank?”
I shake my head. “Why would it be a prank? Can’t a girl want to take her oldest sister out for a night of fun before the most stressful week of the summer?”
She narrows her eyes. “Are you trying to distract me about the delay in shipment for art supplies?”
“Is it working?” I smile sheepishly.
Lilly considers me, she really does, and even if she says no, this is already a step in the right direction, so I’ll take it. But then she says the thing that surprises us both.
“Yes. Give me thirty. I’ll be back.”
The Lumberyard has been around forever; it’s the heart and soul of music, pool, and drinks in this town.
Eighteen and older can come on line dancing nights with an underage wristband, and I spent long Saturday nights learning every single line dance song, two-stepping away on the worn wooden dance floor.
We walk down the small, narrow hall, my boots struggling to step across the drink-soaked floor, until we make it to the neon-lit bar, where two mahogany stools await us.
“See? Meant to be,” I shout to Lilly, who’s clasping my hand like she’ll get lost if she lets go.
We slide onto the stools and wait for the bartender to come.
Lilly’s stiff, as if just being here is bringing out ghosts of the past. It doesn’t matter that ‘Merry Go ‘Round’ is playing—one of our favorite songs—she’s still acting like I dragged her here.
And maybe I did, but she needs to enjoy herself tonight, or what is the point?
I look around the bustling room, tapping my foot to the rhythm.
I don’t recognize many people, other than Old Carl in the corner and a few of the girls I went to high school with on the dance floor.
I don’t know who I’m actually looking for, because I know the chances of seeing Saylor here are low, Dom even lower.
This might be the perfect opportunity for me too.
“What can I get you ladies?” the hottie bartender I can’t quite place asks.
“I’ll take a vodka soda with a lime, and Riley.” She lets the words hang in the air. “I didn’t even think about it, but you’re old enough to drink now, huh?”
I giggle and clap twice. “I finally am!” I smile ready to order, but his shocked face quickly changing into a flashy smile throws me in for a loop.
But it’s not until he speaks that I realize who he is. “Well, well, if it isn’t Little Banks in the house tonight.”
“Hawke?” Saylor’s older brother, who doesn’t look anything like the twenty year old boy I left behind when I moved away.
The one who got in between Saylor and me, and the source of the tension that weekend when everything went to shit.
He looks older, much older than his twenty five years.
His usually long, dirty blond hair is darker and shorter than I’ve ever seen it, and his arms are covered in tattoos.
His eyebrow is pierced at the top, and he looks just as much the bad boy, but grown now.
If Riley of a month ago would’ve seen him, she would be a blabbering mess, ready to get in bed with him. But Riley of today is not affected by him at all. No, she can’t be, because she’s hooked on a certain grumpy older cowboy.
“Good to see you, Hawke. Can I have a double shot of tequila on the rocks with a lime?”
He smiles knowingly. “I see you still have good taste,” he says, obviously flirting with me.
I eye him up and down with disinterest, leaving no doubt behind how I feel about him. “Some tastes have changed. Now, get us our drinks, please.” He leaves, and Lilly looks confused.
I’ll take confused over overwhelmed, though.
“Vodka tonic? I don’t remember you drinking that before?”
She shrugs. “I don’t drink much really. But what was that with Hawke?”
Ah. The boy I couldn’t stop thinking about as a teen—until he kissed me, no sparks flew, and it caused more issues than I would’ve ever imagined.
“Nothing.”
“Something.”
I shrug. “Something from the past, nothing anymore.”
He brings our drinks, and Lilly hands him her card.
“Keep it open!” I shout before dragging Lilly to the dance floor with me. The dance is easy to follow, and I force her to do it with me, until I’m done with my drink and it’s time for another. Lilly asks for some time off, so I return solo to the dance floor to live my best life.
I don’t stop until I’m sweaty, tired, and my hair is stickier than honey, brushing against my lower back. The music shifts dramatically, and all the solo dancers start leaving the dance floor as couples join in, ready for the slowest Two Step I’ve ever heard.
I don’t make it completely off the dance floor before a hand is holding mine, pulling me back to the center. I look up to find—wait, Griffin?
“Griffin?”
“Can I have this dance?” he asks with a smile on his face.
Griffin, Lilly’s ex, whom I adored until one day he disappeared from her life and mine.
“Sure,” I say, following along with the song and letting him lead me.
“How have you been?” he asks as if no time has passed. I search the room for Lilly, but I don’t see her.
“Peachy!” I reply, not meaning to sound as annoyed as I am.
“She went to the bathroom, I think.”
Ah, so he knows I was searching for her.
“She won’t be very happy if she sees us dancing, you know? You broke her heart.”
He nods, traveling forward before turning me inward. “I am truly sorry for what happened.”
“I’m sure you are. Everyone is.” I don’t know what the what is, but in between my barrel racing years, my parents’ deaths, and him and Lilly breaking up, I would be sorry about any of those too.