Chapter 10 #3
Like the Grinch’s heart, Riley’s pupils grew three sizes until their irises became a black pool of anticipation. “I’m listening.”
“Things have been going so great with me and Naomi,” he said.
“Better than great. I know it’s only been a few months, but I’m already at a place where I can’t see a future without her.
I even found myself wandering into a jeweler to look at rings while I was out getting lunch the other day.
I mean, not that we’re going to get married anytime soon, but it’s something we’ve discussed. ”
“Ooh!” Riley’s hands fluttered together into excited claps. “You want advice on picking out a ring for Naomi? You’ve made the right decision coming to me. Let’s talk budget because the Asscher cut I’m picturing for Naomi is going to run you at least 10K and then—”
Will made a braking motion with his hands. “I’m not there yet. And ten thousand? I don’t know what you think I make, but we’re going to have to ratchet down the expectations. Also, that’s not what I wanted to ask your advice about.”
Riley leaned back in their chair, reeling in their engagement ring enthusiasm. “Okay, hit me with your question.”
“Well,” he said, trying to gather his thoughts again.
“Things are going great, like I said. But, sometimes, I don’t know how to explain it.
Sometimes it feels like there’s something else.
Something …” He stopped again, wishing he’d spent more time figuring out the best way to articulate his feelings before broaching this with Riley.
“Okay, it’s like the reality shows you and Abby watch.
You know how sometimes one of them gets a spin-off show? ”
Riley nodded. “I’m not one hundred percent sure where you’re going with this, but I’m loving the ride. Please continue.”
“Sometimes it feels like Naomi has a spin-off that I’m not on.
Like there’s something else happening in the background that pulls her away sometimes.
For example, we’ll be hanging out, having an amazing time.
And then suddenly she’ll change and get distant.
Or she’ll step out to do something, and when she comes back, she’s different.
She says everything is fine, but I can tell something’s bothering her.
She’ll be distracted for a while, but then the next day she’s back to normal.
It happened at Nosh Hashanah actually; maybe you noticed it.
She disappeared, and when she came back, she seemed totally out of sorts. ”
“At Nosh Hashanah?”
“Yeah, remember she came back into the apartment after she went to check on Mrs. Pachenkis? You were worried about the ice, and then we got distracted by the whole, well, you know.”
“How could I forget? It was my TMZ moment, and I failed to record a single second. When do I forget to take my phone with me? Never, that’s when. I’ll go to my grave regretting not getting that on video.”
“You might not have noticed then. Or maybe you didn’t because I’m imagining it. Or maybe this is just something women do. But you know Naomi well, so I thought maybe you could tell me if I’m missing something.”
He expected Riley to devour his question like a competitive eater, but the voraciousness in their eyes had been replaced by a quiet thoughtfulness. “Have you asked her about it?”
“Not really? Kind of? I mean, I ask if everything’s okay and she says yes. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do.”
Riley gave a few short nods. “I see. Well,” they paused briefly. “To paraphrase the immortal Phoebe Buffay, everyone is looking for their lobster. But Naomi? She’s not a lobster. She’s an oyster.”
Will took a sip of his drink. “I have no idea what any of that means.”
“You’re telling me you wear those horrid graphic tees every day with random pop culture references on them, but you don’t know about the lobsters from Friends?
” When Will shook his head, they groaned.
“Lobsters. They mate for life. It was a whole thing. But I always thought it was dumb. Because we throw lobsters in a pot of boiling water to eat, so who wants to be a lobster anyway?”
“Okay,” Will said, a confirmation that he understood the words Riley was saying, not necessarily the meaning.
“I had a great metaphor, and you’re killing me here, Will.
My point is that Naomi is more like an oyster.
She doesn’t open up often or to a lot of people.
But when she feels safe, you can get to know a part of her that is more beautiful than any pearl earrings at Tiffany.
If you think she’s not telling you something, my advice is to first throw the phrase ‘is this just something women do’ into the patriarchy vault of shame and never use it again.
And then, ask yourself why. Why would she think you’re not safe to totally open up to?
Why would she think you couldn’t handle her spin-off series?
What have you done to make it clear to her that you can handle it? ”
The questions rankled him more than he wanted to admit. “I’ve always done my best to show Naomi, hell, to all the women in my life, that I can be trusted with their … pearls. This analogy doesn’t have a lot of longevity. You get what I’m trying to say though, right?”
Riley nodded enthusiastically, and a sense of relief washed over Will that they were finally on the same page. “Absolutely. You’re a good guy,” they said. Except something suggested that wasn’t the compliment it sounded like.
Will took another drink, gathering a little more liquid courage to ask the question he wasn’t sure he was going to like. “But?”
Riley crossed their arms. “Good is nice. And nice is passive. It’s changing your profile picture to show support for a cause. It’s signing a petition on . Listen, the world isn’t safe for women. And if you’re not disrupting that, then you might be a good guy, but you’re not a safe one.”
Will scrambled to follow what Riley was trying to say and what it had to do with Naomi and her secrets. “I disrupt it by being a good guy.”
Riley snapped their fingers. “Bingo.”
“Bingo, what?”
“Start there. Start with that premise, and it will lead you straight to your answer.”
Will almost wished he’d never said anything.
Things were murkier than they had been before he brought it up to Riley.
Were they saying she was definitely hiding something that she didn’t want to tell him?
Or had Riley, in typical Riley fashion, gotten completely off track?
Was this riddle about disruption and being a good person related to Naomi in any way, or simply an exploration into their different outlooks on life?
Either way, it seemed like Riley wasn’t the one who would shed any light on what was going on with Naomi, if there was anything at all.
Instead, he lifted his glass. “I will. Thank you.”
Riley clinked their glass to his and then tipped their head back and downed the last of their drink. When they came back to center, any trace of solemnity had vanished, replaced with an unmistakable twinkle of mischief. “Then, my friend, we’ve got work to do. Let’s get to memorizing this script.”