Chapter 18 Will #2
Will sat motionless, but internally, his mind was a battleground of emotions.
From the instant he had met Naomi in line for a drink at Freya’s reunion, everything had been effortless, like they had slipped into a kayak for two built exactly for them.
The few bumps they had encountered had felt more like gentle waves rocking them forward.
Now he had been thrown into treacherous rapids that he hadn’t asked to navigate.
Was it worth it?
Something about that question reminded him of his conversation with Riley at the bar, the night they’d drafted The Plan.
He’d always had the sense that Naomi wasn’t ready to tell him something.
But he’d never wanted to really know why.
Even when he asked Riley for advice, he hadn’t really asked what he could do, only if Riley knew what was going on.
Good is nice. And nice is passive.
That’s what Riley had said to him.
Will had told himself he was confused by that answer.
But if he was being totally honest with himself—and at this point, he already felt bad enough about himself, he didn’t have much to lose—he had mostly been too focused on the pin prick to his ego to explore it further.
It was the same feeling he’d gotten when Freya and Mimi had talked about the tap dance they had to do for the patriarchy.
The insinuation that it was something he didn’t know about rankled him, but not enough that he tried to understand.
Was Riley right? Was his niceness just passivity in disguise? Perhaps everything had been effortless with Naomi because he hadn’t made an effort. Had they been riding in the same kayak all the time, or had Naomi been navigating the rapids alone this whole time?
The thought sat uncomfortably in his chest, heavy with a kind of guilt he wasn’t sure what to do with. Maybe he hadn’t asked enough questions. Maybe he hadn’t tried to understand what was going on. Maybe he was doing that again, right now.
Even if that were true …
The guilt was replaced with searing pain, cutting through his introspection like a blade. He could question himself all he wanted, but it didn’t change the reality of the situation.
Did it? What had Riley said? Good isn’t safe.
Apparently, he had been safe enough to lie to and cheat on, though.
He couldn’t see how to hold both truths at the same time—that he might have failed her, and that she had still betrayed him. That he had never really tried to understand her, to see beyond the surface of their happiness, and that she had still kept secrets from him
The contradiction of it all sat heavy. How was he supposed to make sense of something that refused to be simple?
Freya placed her hand on the conference table and slid it towards him, bringing him back from his mental battle.
“Maybe now?” she said, a smirk pulling at her lips as she lifted her hand to reveal the flask.
He accepted with a smile. Unscrewing the metal cap, he poured a small amount of brown liquor into his cup, more for show than for enjoyment.
“If this is how all your interviewees feel, I think we should include a flask in our standard equipment checklist.” He took a sip from his coffee, which now had a slightly bitter aftertaste.
“I apologize if I overstepped,” Freya said.
He shook his head. “I needed it. I needed a direction to go in, even if the direction was provided via a kick in the ass. Though I have to say,” he set his cup down, “I never would have pegged you as the person in my life to be making the case for love.”
This got a reaction from Freya that he had never seen: she blushed.
It was faint, but the tinge of color that bloomed across her face was there.
“Not so much a case for love. It’s more that I had the chance to, um, I mean—” Freya didn’t stammer.
Was she stammering? “Sometimes when I’m struggling personally, I find it helpful to examine things from a journalistic perspective, so I wanted to, you know, share that. ”
Even in the thick fog of his turmoil-ridden thoughts, this stood out like a beacon on a lighthouse.
The blushing and stumbling over her words, sure.
But even this conversation. Freya wasn’t the kind to offer advice, especially not relationship advice.
His mind flashed to the image of the two people he’d seen at the end of the hallway as he raced through NGN trying to find the nearest exit.
He hadn’t thought about it since, too consumed by his own .
But now, the image resurfaced, sharper this time.
He couldn’t be sure the people he’d seen were Abby and Freya. Just like he couldn’t be sure what he had seen between them was a kiss.
But suddenly, it didn’t just seem possible.
It seemed likely.
And then the moment passed. The color in her cheeks was gone and the smile on her face was as sweet and noncommittal as it always was.
Had he been reading into things too much?
It was entirely possible, especially in his state of mind.
She was a friend and colleague trying to offer support—nothing out of the ordinary here.
Freya’s phone vibrated, and she pulled it from her back pocket. As her eyes scanned the screen, she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Something important?” he asked.
When she looked up, the blush was there again.
Will wished that he could call Riley. As much as Riley had become his friend, though, he knew their deepest loyalty was with Naomi.
As it should be. But that only made the loss feel bigger, stretching beyond just her.
It was all of them. The inside jokes, the chaotic group chats, the late-night debates over takeout orders—he had lost all of it in one brutal instant.
But Freya was blushing, and he really, really wished he could tell Riley that something was different.