Chapter 17 #2
He took several deep breaths, obviously trying to control what he wished to say.
“And what are you telling them of me? Of Pemberley?” He shook his head.
“No more. I would prefer you not write to anyone. If there is an emergency or birthday greeting that you feel you must give, then you may write the note and give it to me unsealed, for me to review and decide whether it may be sent.” He leaned closer.
“I will not have you writing outside this house without my full knowledge of what is said, madam. Do you understand me?” The last sentence was slow, deliberate and seemed full of venom.
Elizabeth took a sideways step. If he followed her now, he would have nothing to lean against for support and she prayed she could keep the small space she had. Raising her chin, she forced her expression to one of calmness. “I understand you perfectly. I wish you good morning.”
With dread that he would call her back, she took the five steady paces to the door and left the room.
She nodded at the footman and smiled uncertainly at Mr Maunder who was also waiting outside.
His expression was concerned, but his eyes were on the door and she would not try to make him speak to her, lest Mr Darcy berate him for it.
She could hope, but had little confidence that her husband’s voice had not carried outside the room, and hurried up to her bedchamber.
She would not stay in the mistress’s sitting room downstairs.
Mrs Kerr may wish to see her, and Elizabeth didn’t want to see anyone.
With the last vestiges of control, she rang for Emily and requested tea.
Once she was sitting in the chair by the window with the tray in front of her and the fire stoked, she could take time to think of what had been said.
She had always been happy writing daily to friends and acquaintances as well as those she loved dearly.
How would she make up for such deprivation as was now hers?
She would certainly not allow him to read any letters she might wish to send.
And that meant she could no longer raise her spirits by writing to anyone.
She thought of her sister, imagining all the emotions her sister would feel when she no longer received any correspondence from Elizabeth.
No. It could now never be. At least, not now.
Perhaps in the future, he might relent. At that thought, Elizabeth finally laid her head down on the table and wept.
Wept for her calamitous marriage and the loss of all she held dear.
His disdain, the humiliation of having to obey even the most unjust of commands; all conspired to send her to her bed with a sick headache.
Tomorrow, she would regain her composure, and endeavour to find fulfilment in the duties that were quite enough to fill her time from dawn until dusk.
It was Thursday by the time Elizabeth realised that, even though it was too early to have a reply from Aunt Gardiner, Jane and perhaps Papa would have written very soon after Elizabeth had left Longbourn. Jane would know her sister would be all impatience to hear she was missed.
After another solitary breakfast — Mr Darcy had not appeared in the breakfast room or dining parlour again, to her utter relief — Elizabeth met Mrs Kerr in her sitting room to discuss the morning and the menus for the next few days.
After all was done, she sat back. “I will go to see Mrs Reynolds again after we have returned the boxes to proper order.” She looked at the deputy. “How has this situation arrived at the state it is without Mr Darcy knowing of it? I would think Mr Reed would have informed him.”
Mrs Kerr looked down anxiously. “Mr Reed and I have discussed this quite often before you arrived, Mrs Darcy. I am afraid we have been anxious that Mrs Reynolds would be most distressed if she was relieved of her duties and lost her home; she has been housekeeper since the master was four years old, as she is proud of telling us.” She smiled cautiously.
“Of course it is for you to make the decision now …” she hesitated.
“We were determined to inform Mr Darcy about her increasing confusion and loss of memory, but …” she took a deep breath.
“Mr Maunder has told us of the consequence of the master’s injury, and although he had promised her a pension and a cottage, Mr Maunder fears that … ” she bit her lip.
“I understand.” Elizabeth did. The woman could not speak ill of her master, but feared that his temper might strike at the wrong moment and leave his devoted retainer destitute.
Elizabeth could hardly believe it would come to that, but she would not risk a faithful woman’s comforts in her later years.
“Very well, I agree that we should leave things as they are for the moment.” She sensed the woman’s relief.
“But we cannot just leave it all unchanged. It is not fair to you, the maids, or the kitchen staff to have to keep reordering the boxes when Mrs Reynolds has moved everything. We need to either change that key on her chatelaine for one that does not work anywhere, or we ask Mr Reed to have a stout bolt fitted too high up for her to reach.”
The other woman looked greatly relieved. “That would make a deal of difference for us, ma’am, if you would permit it. Although — would it distress her if she could not get in there?”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I do not believe so. My grandmother became similarly forgetful in her later years, and if she could not work a key, soon thought of something else she wished to do and forgot she could not enter.”
After a pause, she leaned forward. “I am surprised that I have not received a letter from home, Mrs Kerr. Do you know if the post is delayed due to bad weather, or has it been delivered?”
The older woman looked hesitant. “The post has been delivered each day, ma’am.
It all goes at once to Mr Darcy and he then distributes it as appropriate.
Of course, as he is unwell, it might take a day or two for him to do so.
” She looked down, apparently knowing what her mistress would think of her words.
Elizabeth knew what was not being said, and an icy dislike of her husband hardened within her. “Very well, I will wait for them with patience. Thank you, Mrs Kerr.” She rose to her feet; she would take refuge in her room once more.
Mr Darcy would read the letters she received, even read what her aunt sent to her. Humiliation and anger burned hot. Would she even see them, or would he burn them?
Her chamber was warm, but the house and her marriage were cold around her. She had some allies in the staff, but they could do nothing to change her situation.