Chapter 61
Darcy stayed up late that night, thinking over what had happened. He had been quietly shocked at Bennet’s words. Did the man not realise how much pressure and obligation he was placing on his daughter?
She would be unhappy at Longbourn. But he had not seemed to think of that.
Darcy had seen Elizabeth’s caring side. He had seen her willingness to leap into the life of anyone who needed help and had not any other option.
Her dedication to Nan had been described to him by Anna, and both Mrs Kerr and Mr Reed had made known to him all that she had done for Mrs Reynolds, and the tenants, especially Mrs Snell after the death of the baby.
Mrs. Gardiner had told him of the death of Elizabeth’s grandmother in a fire, and of the lasting guilt that she had been unable to save her, care for her and say goodbye.
He wondered if her care for Nan had been something in the way of atonement.
But perhaps she had not thought that deeply about it.
But he did not want her feeling that she owed it to her father to go to Longbourn and assist him, relieving her sister Miss Mary.
Neither did he want her to go to Netherfield where she would be sucked into helping at Longbourn as well as being uncomfortable in Meryton society.
He shivered, and rose to place another log on the fire.
It was only just October but London was shivering in an early cold snap.
He smiled at the thought of Pemberley, sunlight glittering on frost crystals as he took his early gallop. He loved seeing that. Had Elizabeth enjoyed it too, that Christmas she had spent there while he avoided her?
No, he must not think about that time, only insofar as it could inform what he needed to do next.
Tomorrow, he would put detail on the dower house suggestion for her. But he must be careful not to put pressure on her as her father had done. It would be done a different way than Bennet had, but it would be pressure, nonetheless.
He smiled. She had the security of the settlement and he would make sure she understood all of it and how to access it. But she also needed his promise of permitting her to control her own life.
He leaned back in his chair. He longed for them to have a full marriage, so he might show her his love and constancy. But that would take time. He must hide his impatience, and live in hope. She had already permitted him to call, and already seemed to welcome his company.
He smiled slightly, and drew a sheet of paper towards him.
The next morning, as soon as calling hours permitted, he knocked on the door, the fresh sheet of paper rustling in the same pocket as he carried her damning letter of farewell. He must never forget.
She was standing in the hall, her pelisse already buttoned, and her bonnet tied under her chin.
“I am glad you are here promptly, Mr Darcy. I am in dire need of a very long, very brisk walk.” Her brow furrowed slightly.
“I think I read that Hampstead Heath has many long walks and few people go there.”
Darcy blinked. “Yes, of course, if you wish to go.” He calculated in his head.
“It is rather more than five miles away, so it will take more than half an hour to get there. Perhaps we had better tell your aunt that we will be some time and perhaps I could borrow a horse to ride behind the carriage.”
“No.” She shook her head. “We are married, as was pointed out yesterday, so there is no barrier to being in the coach together.” She smiled mischievously. “It will also be an opportunity to talk, for I intend my walk to be very brisk indeed.”
Darcy’s lips twitched. “I will consider myself on notice, madam.”
He sat opposite her in the coach, feeling that to presume to sit beside her might be a step too far, and it was only after several minutes of close regard that she sighed.
“I believe I have disrupted your plan for today, Mr Darcy, by deciding on a walk.”
She would know if he prevaricated. “I am not downhearted, Elizabeth. You obviously need a walk in the countryside, and after that, we may perhaps discuss the matter while we take refreshments before returning to the carriage. I know of a good teashop about three miles from where we will leave the coach.”
Her eyes lit up. “The Heath is obviously even bigger than I had imagined. Oh, it will be so nice to be able to walk freely.”
And it was. Darcy was delighted when she accepted his arm and they strolled to one of the quieter paths, where she freed her hand and glanced mischievously at him. “I can walk faster if we do not have to match our steps too closely!”
He smiled his agreement, still missing the feel of her hand resting lightly on his arm. Matching his stride to hers, they were silent as she stepped out, her head up and her gaze looking out to the fields and woods which surrounded the Heath.
He saw the moment her expression changed.
He had not really noticed that, while she had been more relaxed at her aunt’s house, she had not looked truly at peace.
Now she did. He looked away hurriedly; he would give her the private time to rediscover herself as she had seemed at Netherfield before that fateful day when both their lives had changed forever.
While Darcy had recovered from his injuries, the harm he had caused her had long-lasting effects, and she was only now beginning, he hoped, to recover.
This walk, and others like it, were going to be important for her, and the memories of watching her walk the paths around Pemberley, during those days when he dared not approach her, came to his mind again.
And he had not even ensured she had suitable attire for a northern winter, so bound up in his own difficulties was he, and shame hit him anew.
He pushed away those thoughts. He was no longer going to wallow in his faults, but was determined to rectify them, become a husband worthy of her, and always, always, ensure she was happy and free.