Chapter 45
Ethan
By the time I sat down on Nora’s couch, I couldn’t keep still.
My hands kept rubbing against my jeans. I tapped my foot without realizing it. Shifted, then shifted again, like the cushion was uncomfortable. I knew she noticed. She didn’t call it out, though. She waited.
After a minute, she said, “Rough week?”
I let out a short laugh. “That’s one way to put it.”
She nodded and gave me room to talk.
So, I did.
“I said something I shouldn’t have,” I said. “To Claire.”
Nora lifted her eyebrows slightly. “What happened?”
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I asked her how her date went. And then I pushed it.” I shook my head. “I got jealous.”
Saying it out loud felt embarrassing. Immature. But also, true.
Nora didn’t react right away. She just waited.
“I hated the idea of her being with him,” I went on. “Brandon. And I know I don’t have any claim there. I know that.”
“Your feelings got the better of you,” Nora said. “It happens; you just need to take responsibility.”
I huffed quietly. “Yeah. That’s the part I’m bad at.”
I told her the rest. The comment about whether he showed up. The way Claire’s tone changed. The look on her face when she snapped back at me. The way she said the younger version of herself would’ve fallen apart if she didn’t hear from me constantly.
I didn’t soften it. I didn’t try to explain myself away.
Nora listened, hands folded, expression neutral but attentive.
When I finished, she asked, “What do you think her reaction was really about?”
“I don’t know,” I said automatically. Then I stopped. “No. I do.”
She waited.
“She’s with him because it’s easier,” I said quietly. “Not because she’s head over heels. Because it feels safer.”
“Safer how?”
I stared at the floor. “Because I taught her that wanting too much leads to disappointment.”
The words sat heavy once they were out.
“She learned that being all in, costs you,” I said. “That loving deeply doesn’t pay off. So now she’s choosing something small.”
Nora nodded once. “That’s a hard realization, that you could have that big of an impact on someone’s life.”
“I don’t want her to live like that,” I said. “Not because of me.”
“What do you want for her?” she asked.
The answer came without thinking.
“I want her happy,” I said. Then, after a beat, “Even if that doesn’t include me.”
Nora studied my face. “But you don’t believe she is.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“And that scares you.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Because I don’t want her to think this is all she deserves. Not only because we were together, but because she was also one of my best friends.”
She leaned back slightly. “And where do you see yourself in that?”
I took a breath. “I want to be different now. Not to win her back. Just… to not be the reason she stays guarded forever.”
“In what way?”
“I want to show up,” I said. “Be steady. Be someone she can trust again. Not with big gestures, just consistency.”
Nora nodded. “That’s something you can actually control.”
“And if she still doesn’t want anything from me,” I said, “then at least I won’t be adding more damage.”
Nora nodded.
The pressure in my chest eased.
“I want to do better,” I said. “Not to fix things. Just because it’s the right thing to do.”
She smiled faintly. “That’s a much healthier place to start.”
When I left her office, I didn’t feel hopeful. Or forgiven. Or redeemed.
I just felt clearer.
Like I knew what direction to walk in, even if I didn’t know where it ended.
And for the first time in a long while, it felt possible.