Thirty-Eight
Blake
I show up at the bar, needing to be somewhere he’s been.
I tried to stay away, but I think it’s making things worse.
I miss seeing him, and I tell myself it’ll help get me by a little longer once I do.
But then when I go to order a drink, he’s sitting at one of the stools next to someone else.
There’s a redhead touching him and making flirty eyes.
Logan laughs, leaning closer, and it doesn’t matter how close I get, he doesn’t see me.
More laughter comes from him and he sips his drink as the man he’s with runs his fingers up his leg, and I don’t stay to see how far Logan lets him take it. My heart can’t handle it. It’s already running on empty as it is and this might drain every bit of hope I have left.
I haul ass out the front door, sulking behind the building, pressing myself harder against the wall to stop from going back inside.
I don’t know what I’ll do if I see them again.
My heart is already splitting in two and will fully disintegrate into nothing if I call out his name and he still keeps looking at someone else.
I cry into my hands, not paying attention to anything around me until someone is breathing heavily only inches away.
As I lift my head, a needle is shoved into my neck, and the man standing next to me in a black ski mask fades away along with everything else around me.
I’m only able to get out one single word before it does.
“Logan.”
I come to in a small, freezing, rusty building.
It looks like a large shed. There are bare shelves and different tools hanging on the walls above them.
I look around some more, my head aching and fuzzy as I open my eyes wider.
When I look down, I back up against a metal wall so hard it shakes.
I’m tied up again. How did I let this happen for a second time?
I got sidetracked after seeing what I didn’t want to see, and when I think back to Logan with that redhead, the pain radiates from my head to my chest.
The two small doors rattle before opening, and I raise my eyes, my heart thudding when a man in a black ski mask walks in.
“Logan?” I say, crawling closer the moment he’s in the center of the room or whatever the hell it is we’re in.
“Why do you keep saying that?” the man says with irritation heavy in his tone.
“Who are you?” I back up again and he steps on my chain to keep me from getting too far.
“I thought you were gone for good. You were supposed to be. It’s what I paid them for but they said they never completed the job because someone else got to you first. Some idiot boy with a twisted crush.”
A lump lodges in my throat. “Dad?”
He slides the mask off his face and smiles.
It’s condescending. “I always hated when you called me that. She insisted it was the only way we could move forward, and I was only willing to do it for your sister. I love your mother to death, but she wasn’t enough to make me stay anymore. Not after what she did.”
“What are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?”
“More like I’m finally gaining clarity.” He leans down, resting his hands above his knees.
“I always wanted a son too, and she robbed me of that when she had his instead. She couldn’t have any more children after you.
You both almost lost your life, and when you both pulled through I didn’t have the heart to tell her why she was so sick those last few months. ”
“What?” is all I’m able to say.
“She wanted you so badly and I tried to want you too. I tried to make you more like me but you were too much like him.”
“Too much like who?”
His jaw hardens and he stands all the way back up. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I took care of him years ago when he wouldn’t stop contacting her. And now it’s about time I take care of you too. Then we can go back to being as happy as we were for the five months you were gone.”
“You . . . I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t. You never tried to understand anything happening around you. You were always a disappointment, and I can’t allow you to keep destroying my family’s name. Your mom won’t let you go, so this is the only way.”
My mom. She’s my mom still, but my dad was someone else.
No wonder my mom kept mentioning my dad and her having to fight hard for their marriage so many different times.
She always had this sadness in her eyes when she looked at me and I got it all wrong.
The disappointment wasn’t directed at me.
It was because I reminded her of the mistake she made. It was disappointment in herself.
“You aren’t my real dad.” I have to say the words out loud in order to really process what’s being said.
“Looks like you’re finally catching on.”
“What are you planning to do to me? I may not have been your son by blood but you’re the only dad I know.”
“Yeah, and soon I can take that burden away from the both of us.”
“Wait.” I kick forward and he plucks a small box of matches from his pocket. “No. You can’t do this.” I try to stand and he shoves me down, slamming his hand on my shoulder. I crumple to the floor, getting kicked in the stomach when I lift myself to my knees.
“You’ve wasted enough of my time as it is. I refuse to let you keep doing it.” He backs toward the door and I’m struggling to catch my breath, my body screaming in pain as I hug my stomach. I think he broke my ribs.
He strikes a match to the box and it lights at the end, glowing right above his fingers. He laughs hysterically as he tosses it on the ground, and before he swiftly exits the shed, he says, “Don’t worry, son. You’re about to make everything better for everyone again. You should take pride in that.”
The building shakes as he locks me in, and panic sets in more when I notice clear liquid all around me.
Gasoline. No. I move away from the flames but it gets hard to do when they’re coming at me from every direction.
What if it is better this way? My family won’t have to worry about me causing them any more problems and neither will Logan.
I gather myself in the far corner, blocking my face from the smoke, and cry into my arms. At least my heart will stop hurting once it’s no longer beating.