Chapter 9I wasn’t honest with you
Chapter Nine
I WASN’T HONEST WITH YOU
Could Emmanuel have finished looking through the proposal tomorrow? Most certainly. In fact, when he finally left the office, that had been his intention. What was that quote? “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” He had just wanted to be home with his wife. Tucked away from the craziness of the outside world. Instead, he had found that doubt had infiltrated his marriage.
Not that Emmanuel didn’t understand how it was possible. He had been so certain that they could weather the storm together. Talk things through… That Ivy would come to him. She hadn’t. It was bad enough that she took the stupid test, but to bring condoms into their home. The logical side begged him to focus his discontent on the person responsible, rather than on Ivy. If he was being honest, the shit hurt.
It isn’t easy for her either.
That’s why they had so much cake in the house. Honestly, he’d eaten the slice Ivy had given him, but like the food before, he couldn’t taste a thing. At least his family was together. He smiled, recalling the banter of his children. They were all smart and funny. Oliver and Sage were most alike, which is probably why they butted heads so much. To Emmanuel’s way of thinking, if Sage was anyone’s Junior, it was Oliver. Benjamin wasn’t allowed to fade into the obscurity of the middle child syndrome. His mother wouldn’t hear of it. Ivy was an amazing mother. Hell, she was just as an amazing wife.
Emmanuel wasn’t getting much work done, so he decided a break was in order. Maybe he could actually enjoy the cake this time. The smell of the baked goodness assaulted him the moment he opened the office door. Like it was freshly baking. He stopped short as he entered the kitchen. Ivy was at the counter and there were two cakes in the oven. The oven timer went off, and she looked up and saw him. Her hand flew to her chest, and she gasped. “Manny!”
“You’re still up?” It came out as a question, although it was clear that she was. He’d been certain she had gone off to bed.
Ivy moved to the oven and retrieved the cakes, and transferred them to the cake rack. While she explained, “I figured I’d bake some more. Besides, the boys love the cake.”
She rubbed the bridge of her nose. Another indicator she was staring down the barrel of a stress gun.
How could he remain upset with her?
“Ivy, it’s okay. The boys don’t need more cake. They are both athletes. They are going to put themselves through the paces for what they already have eaten.”
“Oh. I just wanted to do something for them. Well, they can share it with their friends. Or maybe I can drop one off at your parents’ or maybe Frank and Darren would like one?”
“That sounds like a good idea.” Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t ignore the pull toward her. In a few steps, he was at her side. “You look tired, Doc. Maybe go get some sleep.”
“I couldn’t go up there by myself knowing how upset you are with me.”
“Ivy—”
“No, I get it. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about the test first.” She tentatively placed her hand on his chest. “This all has been so much. I’m trying not to let it get to me?—”
Before she could finish, he was pulling her into his arms. Her eyes were becoming watery pools, which he couldn’t bear to look at.
“I’m sorry Manny.”
His hold on her tightened as the smell of her eased some of the tension he experienced since he saw the box of condoms.
“No, Doc. Don’t apologise, but maybe… stop baking. I don’t think we will be able to keep up.”
“I’ll try.” Ivy stifled a yawn.
“Ready to head up?”
“Yeah, I think so. I can glaze in the morning.”
They fell asleep cuddling each other. Despite the busy day, Emmanuel was up before the crack of dawn. He wanted to get the test he shouldn’t have to take out of the way. Another fucking needle. Why did this Journee woman decide it was a great idea to fuck with his life?
Ivy was already up. It probably bothered her that the cake wasn’t glazed before she fell asleep. Emmanuel entered the washroom and noticed an empty spot on the vanity which had previously held a pharmacy bag. Maybe Ivy had thrown it out. He looked over at the garbage pail and found it empty. He sighed in disappointment. That sigh became a bark of displeasure when he opened a drawer and saw it tucked in there. Like it belonged. In frustration, the drawer was slammed.
That discovery set the tone for his day. Misery sat over him like a heavy cloud, ready to empty its contents at any moment. His coffee was waiting with a slice of cake. Which wasn’t the same flavour from the night before. If he wasn’t mistaken, this one was his favourite German Butter Pound Cake. Emmanuel declined to sit down and share it with her. He’d seen the flash of hurt when he’d also refused to take a slice with him.
“I have to make that stop before work, so I don’t want to lug around the cake, but um, thanks.”
His lip had barely brushed her temple before he was moving away. “Bye Ivy.” Emmanuel hadn’t even slowed down to make out her mumbled reply.
Like his mood, the day decided to be a shit show. Emmanuel had shown up early at the private clinic. Only to find out that because of staffing issues, they would open an hour late. Then he had ‘lucked out’ and Nurse Ratched had drawn his sample. The last time he’d had a sample taken, Ivy had done it. Emmanuel could have asked her to do this one, but he was angry that she had asked… okay, she hadn’t come right out and asked, but this is what Ivy had wanted. He was on a petty high.
When asked where the results could be sent, he’d given them two email addresses. One of which was Ivy’s. The only thing that had kept him from only sending it to her was he wanted to know when the result arrived. It wasn’t like he needed to see it.
By the time he got to the office, his temper was on a slow simmer.
Frank appeared in his office shortly after his arrival. “Ivs stopped by with cake. I saved your piece.” He placed a plate with a slice of cake on his desk.
“I don’t want any fucking cake!” Emmanuel snarled. Barely exercising enough self-control to send the shit flying across the room.
The cake-induced happiness was wiped from Frank’s face. “Whoa, take it down a notch.”
Emmanuel sent him a positively feral glare. “Who pissed in your cornflakes?”
“Life!” The mental count to ten was probably too fast, so when he spoke next, his tone was filled with snark. “Did you want something?”
Of course, that didn’t deter Frank, who took that as an invitation to have a seat. “Seriously, what is going on?”
Working with your best friend had its perks, but it also had its downside. Sure, he could yell at Frank and ‘try’ to treat him like a subordinate and request he get back to work, but that would fall on deaf ears.
“Nothing is going on. I have lots of shit to do. Can you please vacate my office?”
“Vacate? Get out of here with that Mr. CEO shit. What crawled up your ass?”
“Franciscus. Just go, man.”
“Damn. You really are in a mood.” Rather than vacate his seat, Frank remained there. Like he didn’t draw a seven-figure salary. Emmanuel tried to ignore him and keep working, but he could feel Frank’s stare honed in on him.
When Emmanuel couldn’t take it anymore, he looked up from his computer. “What, Frank?”
“You and Ivs are having a hard time?—”
“Frank, I don’t have time to answer personal questions.”
“If you had let me finish, you would have realised it wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact. Ivs looked really sad when she stopped by earlier.”
No matter how he felt, hearing that his Ivy was sad… deflated his anger. Shit. It made him feel like a failure as a husband. “And you, even though you are trying to act like a badass dragon. You are coming across more like Puff the Magic Dragon after he slipped into his cave.”
Frank was obsessed with dragons because of Game of Thrones. It wasn’t an obsession that started with the HBO shows that Emmanuel had been subjected to by both Ivy and Frank. No, his obsession started before when the first book hit the press.
“The fuck is the matter with you Franciscus?”
“That is one too many Franciscuses. Asshole. He placed a plate with a slice of cake on his desk. This is what I get for looking out for you.”
“While I appreciate it. I am good. I’m just not in the mood for company right now. You should know I actually got shit to do. Go to your plush office and pretend to earn all that money that gets deposited into your account.”
Frank held up his hand. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone. Just know I’ve got your back. I have a few irons in the fire to get to the bottom of this paternity shit show.”
Although it had come with some initial hesitation, it was good to have Frank in his corner. One thing about that man was he had a dog-eared determination.
“You care to share?” Emmanuel asked.
“No, not now.” Frank stood. “Well, I am going back to work. My boss decided to be a hardass today.”
It wasn’t a laugh, but Emmanuel got something out that resembled one. After Frank’s departure, the slice of cake caught his attention. Even though he’d been an ass, she had gone out of her way to drop it off. Emmanuel took it as a sign that they’d get through this mess.
It hadn’t been his intention, but Emmanuel’s day ran longer than he expected. This new product launch had more speed bumps than a school zone. Normally, he could shake it off, but coupled with the nightmare of his personal life, Emmanuel wanted to have a drink. He wouldn’t, though. Even in his teens, he had felt the need to resist turning to alcohol and drugs. As if he ever gave in to that temptation, it would lead him down a dark road. To ensure his success, he put strict rules in place. No drugs. Ever. A drink was allowed on holidays or social gatherings, but only one. Never in response to emotions running high. So, no. He wouldn’t have a drink, but he wanted one.
Exhaustion won the battle over hunger. Thanks to a half-eaten wrap Emmanuel had grabbed earlier in the evening before heading home, he was able to go straight to his bedroom. Ivy was already in bed, her head in a journal.
“Hey Manny,” she greeted sleepily. In his exhausted state, he couldn’t take the possible rejection of her not wanting his affection. So rather than walk over and greet her with a kiss the way he normally would, he answered her greeting as he walked to the washroom.
“Hey Doc, I am jumping in the shower.”
The shower was quick. Emmanuel’s lids were heavy with sleep as he made his way to bed. Ivy had fallen asleep still holding the journal. He carefully slipped it from her hands and placed it on the bedside. Ivy truly was beautiful. It was nice to be able to look at her without seeing the worry and confusion etched on her features. He couldn’t resist the urge to press a kiss to her temple. Her sigh of contentment was a balm to a crappy day. The moment his head hit the pillow, he began to drift off, but before he completely lost consciousness, she snuggled into his side.
As soon as Emmanuel opened his eyes, his body sensed Ivy's lush, round ass pressing into his morning hardness. He pulled her closer and nuzzled the spot on her neck that never failed to elicit a response. She ground into him as one arm encircled her waist. While the other cupped her breast and his thumb strummed her already erect nipple through the lace of her sleep top. She moaned softly as his fingers toyed with the hardened tip.
All was forgotten as they got lost in the sensual rhythm that they both thrived on. Emmanuel’s hand found its way onto her panty-covered mound. Then slipped beneath the lace. He groaned in pleasure, finding that she was already slick for him. The slickness aided his finger in gliding into her entrance with ease. Her walls welcomed him with a squeeze, as she moaned, “Manny.”
God, he loved the way she called his name. He hardened further against her ass. His other thumb found her swollen clit. Both thumbs mirrored each other as they teased her, heightening her arousal. Ivy’s breathing hitched, then increased as he drove her to the brink of her release.
“Come for me,” Emmanuel commanded.
Ivy gifted him with her compliance as she tightened, then flooded his finger.
“Manny.”
His name escaped her lips in a pleasured whisper. Bringing her pleasure always gave him a high and heightened his own. His finger remained in her warmth until the spasms subsided, then he slipped it from her core. As was his habit, he placed his finger into his mouth, savouring the taste of her release. His groan of enjoyment filled the air.
“I need you,” Emmanuel murmured as he gently slid her panties down and off her. She turned in his arms, and he kissed her. The kiss was fervent. He’d missed her. Their bodies worked in synch as he positioned her onto her back. Then, just as he situated himself between her waiting thighs, she broke their kiss.
Doused. His passion was doused with five words. “Wait, let me grab protection.”
Emmanuel rolled over to the side as he tried to digest her words. The request shouldn’t have been a surprise. He knew she had purchased the condoms. Yet, he still hadn’t prepared himself for this moment. Ivy had jumped off the bed in search of them. Even laying down, it felt like the room was spinning. It wasn’t logical, but he sat up and swung his legs off the side. It was no help. So, he leaned forward with arms resting on his thighs. The blood rushed to his head. His mind tried to make sense of what had just happened, but fell short.
“Manny,” Ivy called. Perhaps she had done it more than once because when he looked up, she stood in front of him. She reached to place her hand on his shoulder, but he moved out of her way. Her eyes widened in shock.
“Excuse me,” Emmanuel requested as he stood. His own voice sounded foreign even to him. He was angry. “I’m going to shower, then I have to head off to work.”
“Manny,” Ivy called.
“No, not now.” Emmanuel moved quickly and didn’t stop until he was in the shower. The morning kept bearing the fruit of surprise. When he left the bathroom, instead of finding the bedroom empty. Ivy was sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes trained on the bathroom.
“Emmanuel, we need to talk about this.” The plea in her voice did little to ease his angst.
“Go ahead then, talk.”
Ivy physically reacted to the bark in his tone. Emmanuel felt like his life was unravelling and he wasn’t feeling very magnanimous. Maybe he had been willfully blind, but he thought this lie wouldn’t come between them. The sudden realisation that not only was it growing between them, but just maybe the divide might tarnish the beauty they’d cultivated over the years, was almost too much to bear.
“I know you are upset with me, but… it makes little sense for us both to take a test and continue on like we didn’t take it.”
As she spoke, he pulled on his boxers. Probably too much care in selecting the socks, but he couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t acknowledge the logic of what she said.
“Emmanuel? Are you listening?”
“To every last word. We are waiting on the results of the STI test to find out if I put your health, my health, at risk.” He spun around then and took in the bewildered look on her face.
“That wasn’t what I was saying.” Ivy clasped her hands together, worrying her bottom lip.
“It is exactly what you are saying. You can try to spin this however you want, but ultimately that is exactly what you are saying. You do not trust me.”
“I do,” Ivy said it as though the suggestion that she didn’t was utterly ridiculous. Normally, he would have no problem believing her…
Stop this conversation before it goes too far. Before you can’t come back. Walk away.
Emmanuel pushed his anger down, listened to his inner voice, and walked away into the closet. He stayed longer than he should have… willed himself to calm down. Was she really being unreasonable? Hurt feelings aside. Three failed paternity tests had been put at the altar of their matrimony. In the grand scheme of things, the use of condoms didn’t change how much he loved her. By the time he was dressed, he had talked himself into a good… well, better place. He’d apologise for his tone and be more patient. God, Ivy extended that gift in spades. His step faltered as he entered the bedroom, to the sound of Ivy softly sobbing. That gutted him.
“I’m sorry, Doc.” He drew her into his arms and held her until the sobs subsided, giving way to soft hiccups.
“Manny,” Ivy called with such anguish, his throat tightened at her pain.
“I can’t stand what this is doing to us. I didn’t take the test to hurt you. Honestly, I didn’t want to take it, but this is all so much. I wasn’t honest with you. You kept asking if I was okay, and I so badly wanted to be. But none of this is okay. I feel so lost… fucking torn in half. I know you. You love me. My confidence… in you…in us… it sounds like the ultimate folly. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Emmanuel shook his head, then cleared his throat. “Yeah, I do.”
“Thank you for that.”
Ivy peeled herself out of his embrace, and his arms had never felt so empty.
“I don’t know how to handle this…” She paced before him, “…and I should have told you that. I’m sorry. So, sorry.”
Her apology didn’t sit right with him. Emmanuel didn’t deserve it. Didn’t need it… not from her. Not when she was doing her very best. She stopped pacing then and faced him. Her emotions pierced him and gave him an eerie realisation. Her apology wasn’t for anything she had done… fuck , it was for what she was about to do.