Chapter 11Louder Than Your Disrespect
Chapter Eleven
LOUDER THAN YOUR DISRESPECT
The moment Emmanuel walked out the door, Ivy’s shoulders sagged with grief. Everything was unravelling. Why had she thought some time apart would be helpful? Bring clarity? He’d been gone for five minutes, and her chest ached.
The only thing that stopped her from calling him back was the knowledge that a push-me-pull-me situation wasn’t healthy.
Neither is kicking your husband out! The side of her that led with her heart, that she’d pushed to the side, was very discontented. She wanted her man.
Ivy headed up the stairs to check on Oliver. She’d tried earlier but had backed off at his anguished, “I can’t talk, Mom.”
A brief reprieve had been granted, but she was gonna have words with her eldest. She wasn’t accepting his total and utter disrespect for his father. The same one who had been there for him every step of the way.
The door to Oliver’s room was slightly ajar when she arrived. The voices stopped her in her track.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Oliver said to Benjamin.
“That’s too damn bad. You were so outta pocket.”
Benjamin was pissed.
“I was outta pocket? What about him?” Oh, Oliver! His voice was so full of hurt. She was still upset at his earlier behaviour, but this situation was ravishing her family.
“Our father? I don’t know, man. Yes, this shit is messed up. I just know it was mad disrespectful to speak to him that way?—”
“Come on, Ben?—”
“Nah! You were wrong. You know that shit wasn’t just disrespectful to Dad, it was a hell of disrespectful to Mom, too. They didn’t raise us like that. You were talking to Dad all crazy. You’re lucky he didn’t put his hands on you. I would have.”
“Really?”
“Yes! It was that bad. You really made things ten times worse. I don’t know what’s going on with our parents, all right? Something isn’t right. But the fact is, I don’t know.” Benjamin stopped for a moment. Ivy couldn’t see them, but she could imagine how flustered her middle child was. He didn’t like uncertainties.
“What I do know is that Dad has always been there for everything! Remember when Ishia broke your heart and Dad stayed up with you all night even though he had a board meeting the next day?”
“Yeah, I also remember him telling me how we had to be respectful of women. How he got on me when I was in eleventh grade and was dating those two girls at the same time?”
“That’s because you were being a fuck boy!”
“But Dad gets to be one?”
“That’s the thing. We don’t know that he is.”
“Mom wouldn’t put him out for nothing!”
“If you were listening, you would have heard they agreed to this. Before you say anything, it doesn’t sit right with me either. However, it is not enough to ruin my relationship with my Dad.
How many times have we heard how lucky we are? Remember when that cop pulled me over for no reason? Dad didn’t stop until he lost his job, and his supervisor was suspended. When Mom said maybe let it go… what did Dad say?
Fuck no! Cause it wasn’t just about Benjamin. He was doing it for all the young black boys out there whose father didn’t have the clout to crush racist assholes.
So yeah, I am disappointed, but we actually don’t know if it’s true. Dad is a straight shooter, so I don’t know what to think. But don’t be a dumbass and burn the fucking bridge while you’re standing on it.”
Ivy had heard enough. She couldn’t have said that shit better herself. Hopefully, Benjamin’s wisdom would wear off on Oliver… and soon. She stopped two doors down and knocked.
“Come in.” Sage’s shoulders sagged in disappointment when her mom walked in. Daddy’s girl was probably expecting him to come to talk things out with her.
“Hey, Saggy.” Ivy walked over and sat on her daughter’s bed. The child’s room was a whirlwind. It drove her father crazy. Ivy, on the other hand, understood the chaos. Sage had her own organizational system.
“Hey, Momma.” Her little girl looked the part. Her hair was up in one great puff, and she wore her Smurfette onesie.
“I don’t understand why Daddy has to go.” Sage’s eyes were red-rimmed, and she looked like she was on the verge of crying again at any moment.
It was a horrible cop-out, but Ivy didn’t know what else to say. “Saggy, it’s complicated.”
“But you guys still love each other, right?”
This was easier to answer. “Yes, very much.” Ivy nodded.
“Then you guys should be together.” Sage crawled out of her bed and rested her head on Ivy’s lap.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Love should be simple, though.”
At another time, she’d have to talk to her precious little girl. Sage lived such a charmed life. Princess didn’t even begin to describe it. Ivy would have to impart some home truths, but not today. “You didn’t eat. Want Momma to go make you a plate?”
“No, thanks. I’m not hungry.”
Sage’s response hurt her heart. This kid was always eating.
Emmanuel had been in awe when Sage had a high fever, and she scarfed down a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. “I’ve never seen anything like that. Have you seen anyone eat like that with a fever?”
Ivy suppressed a smile at the memory as Sage squirmed in her lap.
“How about I bring you a snack?”
“Up here?” Sage lifted her head.
“Yeah.”
“That would be cool, but I don’t feel like eating. Can you cuddle with me?”
“Of course.” They settled in Sage’s bed and Ivy pulled her little girl into her arms.
Even though Sage yawned, she asked to watch the Gilmore Girls. Ivy wasn’t a fan of the ‘retro show’ as her daughter dubbed it, but she would do whatever she could to bring her daughter comfort. Halfway through the first episode, Benjamin knocked on the door.
“Can I come in Sage?”
“Bet you he stays once he sees the Gilmore girls are on.” Sage giggled. “Sure, come on in,” she called.
Benjamin came in and his eyes widened at finding his mom in bed with Sage.
“You both good?” Worry etched Benjamin’s face.
“Yup, we are watching the Gilmore Girls.” Benjamin stood by the bed for a while, then eventually made his way over to the love seat in Sage’s room.
Sage looked up at her mom and mouthed. “See?” Ivy shook her head and smiled.
It wasn’t long before Oliver joined them. He made himself comfortable on Sage’s floor. Ivy was surprised that he didn’t ask for the show to be changed.
As if reading her mind, Sage leaned over and whispered, “he loves this show too.” It was followed by a self-satisfied smirk.
It would have been a perfect moment; except they were missing Emmanuel. She hadn’t heard from him. What did you expect?
Fuck! Her phone was on silent. He’d messaged as he promised.
Manny: I’m at the Condo.
Of course he did. He was a man of his word. Oh no! That was over an hour ago. She could only imagine how he felt.
Me: Hey, sorry I missed your message.
Bubbles appeared… it took forever… but then she received the message…
Manny: It’s okay.
More bubbles… then they were gone, then back again.
Manny: I’m trying to get rid of an unwanted guest. Can you please message Frank and tell him I’m fine and to go home to his man? Fuck!
Ivy giggled, and all her children looked at her suspiciously. She waved them away.
Me: I’ll see what I can do.
Ivy wasn’t in a rush, though. She was so relieved Manny wasn’t alone. God bless Frank. He was more than a cousin. He was a friend. More like a big brother, not only to her, but that bond extended to Manny. Her only real gripe with Frank was his insistence that he spoil their children rotten.
That and the way he dogged her out about her inability to cook. It wasn’t her fault she was the only Burton who hadn’t gotten the cooking gene. Everyone knew that was her Momma’s fault. She was an amazing woman, whom she missed every single day. Her Momma would know what to do. Oh, she could use her mother’s wisdom right now.
The last seven days had been the longest of Ivy’s life. Seven days without falling asleep beside Manny was too many. However, it had been a learning experience. The biggest lesson learned was that they were meant to be together. Despite their separation, they remained bonded. They texted throughout the day far more than they did when they lived together. Every night, they spoke and texted for hours. Despite sleeping miles apart, they were unable to lose the pull that bound them together.
That was a positive that Ivy was taking from the experience. A negative was the havoc it was reeking on their children. It was unclear whether Oliver was going or coming when it came to his father. He attempted to apologise to Manny. When he’d told her his response to their son, she had thought it harsh.
“One. Oliver, I think I have at least taught you not to say things you don’t mean. Hold on to that apology until you mean it. Two, and more importantly, whenever you can truly apologise, make sure the apology is as public and louder than your disrespect.”
At first, Ivy hadn’t understood Manny’s response, especially when Oliver had gone to where his father was staying to apologise.
“Maybe you don’t get it, but trust me, Oliver understands.”
She trusted his parenting, and so she’d let the matter drop. Especially when he reassured her, “he and I will work it out. It will just take some time.”
Emmanuel trusted with time, all of this would work out. Ivy held on to his belief that not only would they come through this but come through this stronger. The real question was how it would happen. Her feelings were that they should take a more proactive approach. They had accepted this situation and gone with the flow and look where it had gotten them. He was miles away alone and most early mornings, Saggy snuck in and snuggled with her. It was a far cry from the lives which they had built… almost from the beginning.
“Why don’t you move in with me?”
Ivy was already shaking her head before he had finished his sentence.
“Why not? We spend a lot of time together. Let’s make it official.”
“I enjoy having my own space. Besides, my Aunt gave me the condo to use. I don’t want to explain why I don’t need it anymore.”
His hands dropped from her waist. “Ivy? Does your family not know we are together?”
“It hasn’t come up yet.”
“You and I haven’t come up yet?” He narrowed his eyes at her.
“Everyone in my life knows we are together. Wait! Is that why you don’t come to my games?”
“No. I told you. It’s because I am not a football person. I don’t get what’s going on out there on the field.”
“Yeah, you said.” Emmanuel walked out of the livingroom into the kitchen.
After ten minutes, she realised he wasn’t returning. When she entered his kitchen, he was angrily constructing a sandwich. She touched his shoulder, and his muscles tensed under her touch.
“You’re angry at me.” Ivy didn’t bother to pose it as a question, but she honestly didn’t understand why.
Emmanuel shook his head as he put a slice of bread on top of the other ingredients. “You don’t have a clue, do you?”
“A clue of what?” Ivy asked. Although she didn’t want to sound dense. She honestly had no idea at what he was getting.
“Of how I feel about you.”
She nodded.
“No. I don’t think you do. I know I’m your first relationship, but you are it for me.”
Why did he think she didn’t understand that? “Emmanuel. I know that. You are it for me, too.”
Now it was his turn to be confused. “If that is how you really feel. Why won’t you move in with me?” Ivy bumped him with her hip, and Emmanuel placed his hands on her waist and turned her, so she faced him.
“I like the way things are. Don’t you like having space for yourself?”
“I like a lot of things, Ivy, but I prefer to be with you. Waking up with you, falling asleep with you.” One of his hands migrated to stroke her nape, and his thumb drew lazy circles at her pulse.
Her voice was breathy. “I like those things too.”
Open-mouthed kisses replaced his thumb. He stopped and spoke into her ear. “You are my favourite thing, Ivy. I love you.”
Ivy’s heart rate picked up at his words. She wasn’t sure how her feelings for him morphed so completely. From disdain to this overwhelming affection, she felt now. If she was being honest, it scared her a little. The way he could steal her focus. Invade her thoughts. It was scary, but it was also a bright spot in her life.
“I love you too.”
“Good, because I don’t plan to let you go.”
Emmanuel hadn’t. They didn’t move in together, but they would split their time between their places. Ivy had thought she would spend the nights he was away at her place, but she found she preferred to be in his space when he was gone. It made it feel like he wasn’t so far away. Life was so much easier back then. When she finally realised how much it meant to him that she be at his games. Ivy started studying football. So, she could understand the game he loved playing so much. It was frustrating for her. She just couldn’t get it. Finally, Manny pulled her into his lap.
“Ivs, it means so much to me that you want to learn about football, but you don’t have to commit the rules and plays to memory. Just come to the games and enjoy it.”
She didn’t know about the last part, but she showed up at his games. Slowly, she understood what was happening.
As Ivy became his biggest cheerleader, her understanding of the game grew. She made it to all his home games and tried her best to make it to away games as well. It continued when he went professional.
While he played professionally, Ivy never once worried about his fidelity. Emmanuel Scott always made sure she knew that she was his one and only. At times, even Ivy wondered how a man who looked like him, with all the attention he received, kept her as his only focus. Then he would look at her in that way that he did, and she’d forget about the how, and just relish in the fact that he made her the centre of everything.
Ivy fluffed the pillow which supported her posture against the headboard. The spot beside her was empty. She tried desperately not to look at it. However, her peripheral was drawn to the empty spot. She sighed deeply. God, she missed him. Her phone rang as if she had summoned his call.
“Hey Doc.” He sounded tired. She looked at the clock. It was later than she thought. Her trip down memory lane had caused her to lose time.
“Hey, Manny. How did your afternoon go?” They had spoken briefly at lunch, but he couldn’t talk long.
“Could have been better. It seemed like every meeting ran long. The one bright side is I get to talk to you.”
Manny said the sweetest things. It made her want to beg him to return home, but Ivy wouldn’t until she knew things had changed. While she missed him, the scientist in her hadn’t reconciled the positive paternity tests.
“I miss you, Manny.” Ivy had avoided saying those words to him because it felt unfair to inflict her emotions… especially because they resulted from her own making.
“I miss you too, Doc.” He sighed. “You know, you don’t have to be scared to tell me that.”
Her husband knew her.
“I know this is hard on you. I don’t want to make it worse.”
“This isn’t on you. I’m not just paying you lip service when I tell you I understand. If the roles were reversed, I may not have taken it as well as you have, Doc.”
They hadn’t spoken about that before. The empathy of this man. He was trying to look at the situation from her point of view.
“Thank you for understanding.”
“I have a question,” Manny asked.
“Sure.”
“I get why it is better we live apart, but I don’t see why we can’t go out.”
Ivy smiled. This wasn’t a question, but she got the message. This reminded her of how he was when they first started seeing each other.
“I agree.”
“Good. Then, can I take you out tomorrow night? Sage is going on that trip with my Mom, right?”
“Yes. That sounds like a plan.”
Just the idea of them going out on a date set butterflies fluttering in her stomach. After all these years, and despite the current turmoil, their lives were in that hadn’t changed. Couldn’t be taken away. They discussed the logistics of their date. It was nice to have something to look forward to.
Before he let her go for the night, Manny did address the topic that changed the course of their living arrangements. “I almost forgot. Did you receive the email this afternoon?”
Ivy, of course, knew exactly what he was talking about. She had barely looked at the results of his STI panel. It had been three days since she received her own results. They had discussed it then. However, Manny insisted that until his negative test results were returned, the matter would not truly be resolved. Now they had been. She would like to say she was relieved, but in truth, the test didn’t tell her what she already knew in her heart of hearts.