Chapter 12 #2
“Do you make beers for everybody?”
The worry in her tone made me frown. “My family. Friends. Usually, it’s just what I’m in the mood for or what I can figure out a recipe for. You weren’t digging my IPAs, and I know you like red ales. Something we don’t always have. So I figured I’d try it.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.” She went to her tiptoes, pressed her hand to my chest, and kissed me softly.
“Should I be nosy and ask if I’m the first girl you’ve ever made a beer for, other than your sisters, of course?”
“Actually, the first beer I ever made was for my wife.”
Felicity nearly dropped the bottle and stared at me. “You were married?” she blurted out, taking a step back. “How the hell did I not know you were married?”
I frowned and shook my head. “Seriously, how did you not know? It was never a secret.”
“I don’t know what to think about that. I mean, I know you’re a little older than me.”
I sighed despite the seriousness of the subject. “Felicity.”
“No, you’re not that much older than me. And we’re friends. Our family is close. How did I not know you were married?”
“It was right after college. When I was in the NFL? Did you not follow me at all then?”
“I was a little busy at the time. And we didn’t see each other at all during that time. Which, in retrospect, is a pretty decent idea because it would’ve been weird considering I was like in high school or something.”
I shuddered. “Okay, stop talking about ages like that.”
“Exactly. You were married?”
“Yeah. I was.”
“And now you’re divorced. Right? Oh my God, I’m not sleeping with a married man, am I?”
“Baby.” I pulled her beer out of her hand, set it down, and cupped her cheek. “No. You’re not sleeping with a married man. But no, I’m not divorced.”
“What do you mean? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“I’m really not good at this.” I let out a breath and went to take a step back. Felicity immediately grabbed my hand.
“Talk to me.”
“My wife’s name was Georgia. Hence the name of the first beer we ever made.”
“Oh. I thought it was because of, like, the state or something. Which didn’t really make any sense since we live in Colorado, and you were in LA when you were playing in the NFL, but really?
You were married. Wait. You said was.” Her eyes filled with tears again, and I cursed under my breath. “Oh, Callum. I’m so sorry.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Not that long, and it doesn’t make grief any easier.”
“You’re right. It doesn’t.” I ran my hands over my face and paced the kitchen. “Georgia and I met in college. We got married at twenty-two. She was dead by twenty-five.”
“Right when you moved here.” Her voice broke.
I nodded. “I’ve only been back for a few years, Felicity.”
Her teeth bit into her lip, and she looked down. “May I ask what happened?”
“She had a brain bleed.” I shrugged. That familiar pain long since drilled down into just a sense of grief that ebbed and flowed.
“It came out of nowhere, and her platelets were low for some reason. We’ll never figure out why. Maybe if she hadn’t had the brain bleed, we would have, or maybe even caught it ahead of time. But we didn’t. One moment, she was fine. The other, she was passed out on the kitchen floor.”
“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. You’ve never talked about her before, so if it’s too hard…”
“It’s not that. I don’t talk about her a lot because it’s been ten years, Felicity. Ten years where nobody in town really knew her.”
“Do my brothers know?”
“They do. But you and I weren’t really friends or in each other’s realms ten years ago, Felicity. At least, I would hope not.”
“True. Okay, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I’m sorrier that it didn’t take her out right away.”
Her eyes widened at the bitterness in my tone, and I continued so she would understand the monster I felt like.
“She didn’t die right away. She just fell and didn’t wake up. The brain bleed slowly took over. And it was odd watching it over time. Because with each passing moment, when we were in the ICU, life altered. And all I could do was try to figure out the facts.”
“What do you mean?”
“At first, they told me that they could fix it. That they just needed to find the right meds, and she would wake up, and we would go from there. And then they had a setback. Then another.”
“Oh, Callum.”
“And when they did that, they asked me if she had any wishes that needed to be met.”
“Like a DNR?”
“Like a DNR. She wanted no extraordinary measures, but she wasn’t brain-dead yet.”
“Yet.”
“So with each passing hour, the nurses and doctors would come in and check her reflexes. They’d roll that little metal spike over the arches of her feet, over her palms.
“The first time, it was her right side. When her right hand no longer responded.
“That’s when they told me because they assumed she would wake up, that she would probably have paralysis in that right arm. So I told myself that we would get through. I had the money, and she was so damn strong.”
“I don’t think I’m sorry really works here. But I’m sorry.”
“Me too. But that’s not the worst of it.”
“You really don’t have to continue.”
“Yes, I do. Because it wasn’t just her right arm.
Then, it was her right leg. Her foot was no longer responding.
So my mind went to the fact that, at the time, we were living in LA and still trying to figure out where we were going to put this brewery, and we had a two-story house.
The main bedroom was upstairs, so I’d have to figure out how we could either move or find a way for her to be downstairs all the time.
Which would devastate her. Then she lost her left hand.
So that meant a certain kind of wheelchair was out, and so many other things that I didn’t even understand.
Hell, she had sat by my side for the full year that it took me to recover from breaking my leg in two places.
I’ve watched guys that I used to hang out with all the time break down their bodies because they throw themselves at each other for a fucking football game.
And I miss football. I loved it. But I’m glad as hell I got out before I did something to hurt my brain. ”
“I’m glad you did too.”
“Because with each passing moment, I got to be a little more selfish when it came to Georgia.”
“What do you mean?”
“Because I was so damn afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to help her.
Because, by the time we got to her final foot, where there were no reflexes, but her brain still hadn’t been declared brain-dead, and her heart was still beating on its own, I had no idea what the hell we were going to do.
Because what if she woke up and couldn’t talk.
Couldn’t feed herself, couldn’t move. And part of me, just for an instant, thought maybe it would be easier if she didn’t wake up.
Because I didn’t think I was strong enough to help her.
And then, an hour later, after the worst thought I’d ever had in my life, the doctor came in and did one final cognitive test. And it was over. ”
“Callum. You didn’t do anything wrong. That was so much to go through in such a short time. Especially since I know you were still healing from your broken leg.”
“I don’t blame myself that she died. But the monster in me that was relieved for just those moments that she did?
That’s the part of me that knows I’m no good for you, Felicity.
That’s the monster. Just like the fact that I beat the shit out of that kid when he hurt you.
And I would have killed him too. I wouldn’t have felt a single inch of remorse for killing that kid.
Just like my dad has not a single inch of remorse for killing my mom.
And maybe even killing my stepmom.” I held up my hands so she could see the ones that had just held her, that had just left bruises on her hips when I slid into her from behind.
“These hands? They’re just like my father’s.
That’s what I see when I hold you sometimes. That’s why I’m not a good man.”
There. It was all out there. All of my truths. Hopefully, all of my secrets.
I reached for my phone, ready to leave, knowing that this was it and it would be for the best, when her phone buzzed.
She frowned at the readout, and I looked up at her.
“What is it?”
“I think it’s Kellan. Why would he be calling me? Oh my god. Mom and Dad.”
I moved forward as she answered my friend, the town doctor’s, call and watched as her knees gave out.
She couldn’t speak. She just let out a sob as I put the phone to my ear.
“Kellan? What happened?”
“Callum? Why are you with Felicity? Wait, that doesn’t matter. She was his emergency contact. Since his family was here. So I had to tell her first.”
“Tell her what?”
“She has to be the one to tell you. I can’t right now. Not until I reach the rest of his family.”
I paused, my mind going in a thousand different directions before it hit.
“Gregory? Is Gregory Teller okay?”
“I need to call his family first, Callum,” Kellan whispered, and I knew. He didn’t even have to explain.
“Got it.”
“Take care of her, okay? And Callum? You’re going to have to explain why you’re with Felicity at eleven o’clock at night.”
I looked out the window, realized how dark it was, and cursed. But I didn’t say a damn thing. I just hung up and leaned down to pick Felicity up into my arms.
“I’m so sorry, baby. Let’s call your parents.”
“No. Not yet. Just hold me?”
And so I did, as I moved to the couch and settled Felicity in my arms, letting her cry over the loss of her mentor and friend.
And my chest tightened.
Because I’d liked the old man too.
And I didn’t want to let Felicity go.