Chapter 7 - Karter #2
“Don’t have any,” I said. “Legacy friends, I mean. Turns out they’re not great company when you’re losing your mind.”
His hands flexed at his sides. For a split second, something fractured in his expression, a crack in the mask he wore. Then he shoved past me hard.
Our shoulders collided with a jarring crack. I stumbled backward, taking him with me, and we slammed into a tall metal rack of spare sticks.
Wood rattled loudly against metal. To stop the rack from crashing down, Aleksey reached out fast. His large hands grabbed the front of my jacket. He pinned me flat against the metal bars, using his grip to force me to stay quiet.
I went absolutely still.
Aleksey leaned in close, his breathing harsh. A muscle twitched in his cheek.
“If you say a single word to anyone about what happened in the library,” Aleksey said, his voice dropping low, “I’ll fucking end you.”
I didn’t try to break his grip. I simply let him hold me there so he’d know I wasn’t fighting him.
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” I said, keeping my voice steady. “I don’t even have anyone to tell.”
The sting of the admission made me purse my lips.
It wasn’t about having no one. I had Elliot.
I had Matt. I was constantly surrounded by people.
But I was also dealing with the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about another guy’s hands on me, and I didn’t have a single person in my world who wouldn’t look at me differently if they knew.
The fight seemed to drain out of Aleksey’s eyes at that. His hands loosened, the fabric of my jacket slipping from his fingers. He stepped back, clearly thrown off balance by my words.
“That’s not supposed to make me feel worse,” he muttered.
“I wasn’t trying to make you feel anything.”
“Well, congratulations. You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.” He shook his head and moved toward the exit. “It was a mistake.”
I moved quickly into his path of escape again. “But you didn’t act like it was a mistake last night.”
“I was tired. Leave it alone.”
He shoved past me, hard enough to shift me out of the way, snatched his bag off the floor, and strode out into the hallway.
For a few seconds, I just stood there among the piles of spare gear.
I should have turned around, walked back to my stall, and pretended none of this had ever happened.
Yet my feet wouldn’t turn back toward the locker-room.
Instead, I chased him right out of the building, bursting through the facility doors into the biting, icy wind outside.
Snow swirled across the asphalt, but all my focus was on Aleksey. He was already halfway across the parking lot, his imposing frame moving fast to put as much distance between us as possible.
“You started it!” I yelled.
He did not stop. He kept heading toward the edge of the lot.
“You kissed me first,” I added. My voice carried easily over the wind.
That stopped him. Aleksey spun around. He stalked back to me, closing the distance in two long strides until we stood inches apart in the snow.
“Keep your damn voice down,” he snapped, leaning in towards me. “Besides, you wanted it, legacy.”
He spat the title at me like it was supposed to put me back in my place. But standing in the snow, with the memory of his fingertips still ghosting across my skin, I didn’t want to deflect. My jaw locked. I planted my feet, refusing to give up a single inch of ground.
“Yeah, I did,” I said. “I never said I didn’t.”
Aleksey fixed me with an icy stare, but said nothing.
Progress.
“So, what now?” I asked. “You expect me to pretend it didn’t happen?”
“I don’t have time for this.” He gestured sharply toward the brick wall of the rink. “I’m one strike away from stocking shelves in Detroit for the rest of my life.”
“I’m not trying to get you into trouble.”
“So, you wanna be my girlfriend or something?” The sneer in his voice didn’t match the hint of confusion in his eyes. “Write me notes? Hold hands in the dining hall?”
Heat climbed up the back of my neck. I didn’t have a smooth answer. I didn’t even know what I was asking for, just that backing down felt impossible. Some stubborn part of me had woken up in that library and refused to go quiet again.
Aleksey shoved his fists into his pockets and looked away. “I can barely stay eligible without all the other bullshit that being with you would bring me. You don’t get it. Your last name makes you untouchable.”
Those words made me pause. My last name. His scholarship. The gap between us wasn’t just money.
I let the icy wind bite at my face. My dad taught me a long time ago that true indifference doesn’t yell; it just turns its back and walks away. But Aleksey was still standing right here.
“Last night, I wasn’t the one who started it.”
Aleksey scoffed and looked away. But he didn’t deny it.
“You made the first move,” I said. “And grabbed my hand and put it on your dick. So if you’re gonna stand here and act like I’m just some bored legacy asshole looking for a quick thrill, at least be honest about who wanted what.”
Aleksey’s glare dropped to my mouth. He caught himself a second later and looked away, but the slip was there.
I took a slow breath, letting the icy air fill my lungs.
“I don’t know what this is,” I said. The words came out harsher than I had meant. “I’ve never... I don’t do this. I don’t even know what to call it.”
Aleksey didn’t move a muscle.
“But last night was the first time all semester anything felt real.” I shrugged helplessly. “And I’m not gonna apologize for that.”
Aleksey stared at me for a long moment. Something dangerous shifted in his expression.
“You don’t know what you’re asking for,” he warned.
I refused to back down. “Then show me,” I said.
I didn’t even see him move. One second he was standing there, the next, he closed the gap.
His bare hand clamped hard onto the back of my neck, fingers digging into my hair. Meanwhile, his thumb pressed right up under my jaw as he jerked me forward.
His grip was tight enough to hurt. And anyone looking out a dorm window right now would think I was about to get laid out on the asphalt. But looking up at him, that wasn’t it. Aleksey’s eyes were totally wired, practically black in the bad lighting, and locked dead on my mouth.
He looked caught halfway between wanting to throw a punch and wanting to kiss me. But I didn’t flinch. I didn’t try to pull away. Instead, I just tilted my chin up and leaned into his grip.
Do it, I thought.
Then he snapped out of it.
Aleksey looked away, dropping his hand and shoving himself backward like he’d grabbed a live wire. He looked seriously rattled that he’d actually let himself touch me.
For a long moment, neither one of us moved. Finally, Aleksey reached up and yanked the zipper of his winter coat higher against the wind to play it off. He tried to look dismissive, but before he shoved his fists back into his pockets, I caught the undeniable shake in his hands.
Without answering me, he abruptly turned on his heel and walked away into the snow.
I didn’t follow him this time. Standing alone in the lot, I watched him go.