Chapter 25 #3
I couldn’t force Marco to feel comfortable with my pregnancy.
I didn’t need him to caress my belly or kiss it like he was kissing our baby before we went to bed at night.
But it would have been nice to know he cared.
About my baby. Not just me. I knew he cared about me.
And he cared about me being pregnant. But separating the two…
“I know this baby isn’t yours, but you’re going to make a great father. ”
He blinked. “I’m not the baby’s father.”
Our eyes were locked, and I inhaled sharply. “Not biologically, but if we get married—”
“I’ll be in their life.” He leaned in, allowing his knuckles to brush my cheek before falling to my jaw and then away from me completely.
“I’m not asking for anything more than you’re comfortable with.”
A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. “You never have.”
And I never would, but I did think he needed a little bit of a push.
If not, he was never going to see how he could be more than just a presence in their life.
I also think he forgot who I was, because I was probably one of the few people who could read his mind when it came to this.
Raising another human being was a lot of responsibility, but it was more than that, like how it brought issues with your own upbringing to the forefront of your mind.
We would have been dense not to realize it was all about us not wanting to continue the cycle with a new generation.
The thing was, I had all the confidence that wouldn’t be the case for him.
I didn’t think he gave himself enough credit.
“Come with me to my OB/GYN appointment tomorrow?”
“Sure.” We moved closer, and his lips touched my forehead. “I don’t have any meetings scheduled, and even if I did, I would cancel them.”
That was all I could have asked for. Although that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to ask for more. I just wasn’t ready to yet. “I should probably get some sleep,” I forced myself to say.
He nodded. “Okay. Good night, Kiki.” He shut off the light.
“Night, Marco.”
Sliding back down, I rolled onto my side and pulled the sheet over my body in an attempt to get comfortable.
Trying to make him out in the dark, I began outlining his body.
It did nothing to relax me.
I looked ahead and stared at the wall.
That did nothing.
My eyes didn’t want to close, and I didn’t want to close them.
It was going to be a long night.
“What’s on your mind?” Marco’s voice was deep, the murmur loud as it seemed to come from the bottom of his chest.
Slapping my hand on top of the sheet, I said, “We really should rest.” Although, it was easier said than done.
Sighing, he sat up and turned on the light again.
Who knew if it was going to be the last time for the night?
Maybe he would never get back around to shutting it off.
Just as I would never get to sleep. “Apparently, neither of us are going to get any shut-eye until you get whatever it is that’s keeping you awake off of your chest.”
“I’m able to find out the sex of the baby at the appointment,” I shared with him, wetting my lips.
“And you haven’t decided whether you want to know.”
“Exactly.” I liked that some things didn’t need to be said between us.
“Part of me does, but the other part of me thinks it might be selfish of me not to have a gender reveal party so I can celebrate with everyone.” Well, everyone might’ve been an overstatement.
If it were up to me to make the guest list, it would have been quite small.
“It’s not selfish. Capri would understand.” He snickered.
“Marco,” I admonished, gasping.
A rumble of laughter erupted from him. “Are you hoping it’ll be a boy or a girl?”
“I don’t have a preference.”
“I always imagined I’d have a boy.”
“I’m sure you would with all of the boys in your family. Maybe I’ll have a boy.”
“Robert does have two sons.”
“Don’t mention his name.”
“I despise the bastard, so fine by me.”
“I almost want to make you a girl dad,” I wistfully said.
Widening my eyes, I immediately wanted to eat my words.
“Again, not that this is your kid or anything, and you certainly don’t have to feel any pressure to treat them as such.
I’m well aware of the situation and the arrangement we had made.
It included marriage, nothing else.” It sounded like a ramble, which I hated, but I didn’t know how to save it.
“Come on. We’re way past that, don’t you think?” The calmness in his voice settled me somehow, and I liked him admitting that. It was almost as though I needed to hear it.
My eyes grew heavy. “I think—”
I yawned.
“—I think—”
I yawned again.
“—I hope you know you’ll be nothing like your father was with you.”
Closing my eyes, I gave in to my exhaustion. It had taken a while, like Marco had to enter my life in this way, but it was here, and I was ready to succumb to it.
Before drifting off, I said in a low volume, “You’ll teach them how the game of chess doesn’t have to be about status or power. It can be about teamwork because every piece needs another to succeed.”