Chapter Five
“G od, Mike, don’t you knock?”
I clutched my chest, prying myself off the ceiling. I’d never considered getting the locks changed before, but maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.
“Sorry. Habit, I guess. It’s not like you weren’t expecting me.”
“That’s not the point.” We weren’t married anymore; he shouldn’t feel free to barge in whenever and scare the hell out of me.
I handed him a box. “There’s a few more over there”—I pointed to the stack on the floor—“all sports memorabilia. I think that’s it now.”
For the past couple weeks, I’d been cleaning out the basement and attic, making huge give-away and throw-away piles and depositing them all over the house. I was getting there, eventually. He’d taken everything when he moved out, save for his collectible crap.
“Did you want any of Daniel’s old school stuff?” I asked. There were tons of drawings and art projects and stuff I didn’t know what to do with, yet couldn’t get rid of.
“No, you can hold on to it for now. I don’t have the space.”
I nodded and did another peek around the room. I thought about asking him to show me how to fix the air since he was there. I didn’t need it at the moment; the temperature was much cooler at eighty-one, but it was supposed to hit the nineties again next week.
“You know, Jillian, I worry about you here all alone. It’s not safe.” I opened my mouth to disagree, but he lifted his hand. “Hear me out. I know I’ve said this before, but maybe you should think about selling. It wouldn’t take much effort for someone to break in. I can help you with a down payment if you need it.”
“I don’t need it, and as I’ve said before, I’m perfectly fine and happy here. I love this house, and it’s a good area. I have nothing to worry about. Besides, I want Daniel to have a familiar place whenever he comes home.”
I turned away from him and started tidying up my desk. “Jillian, we may no longer be together, but I’ll always still care.”
“I’m fine, Mike.” I wasn’t helpless, and I was big enough to take care of myself. Hell, I raised a child for sixteen years and did a damn good job at it too. And another thing, I didn’t need his guidance with the stupid air conditioner. I was more than capable of figuring it out myself.
“All right, damn. No need to snap at me. Just trying to help.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t think I’d snapped, but I wasn’t going to get into an arguing match with him. “You know what would be a big help? If you’re going near the donation center, I’d appreciate you dropping some of these things off for me.” Bags of clothes were lined up against the wall, along with tall boxes filled with games and assorted junk that was sorely in need of a new home.
“Uh, sorry. My car will already be crowded with my stuff, and I’m not planning on going to the center anytime soon.”
I glanced out the window, spotting the reason for his crowded car. It was a wonder that Mike could even fit, what with the big, fat, gelatinous lips filling up space in the front seat like two red balloons. How the hell did he kiss those things?
Stop it, Jillian . I was taking over Perry’s job. One of her roles as best friend, as she would say, was to be bitchy and catty when situations warranted so I could be mature and gracious.
Who cared if my ex-husband had a girlfriend within five minutes of us separating? Not me. Not when I had a superfriend who did awesome things like leave me sticky notes saying, Friends don’t let friends inflate their lips to the size of a bicycle tire , and Did you hear the news? They had to create a new zip code, just for Candace’s mouth.
“I can come back a different day. You shouldn’t have to do it all yourself. I’m sure the majority of it’s Daniel’s.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” I picked up my purse and fished out my keys. “I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for stopping over.” I checked the time. I needed to be heading out too.
“Sure.” He stacked his boxes and picked them up, and I opened the door for him. “Jillian, you sure you’re doing okay? I mean, with Daniel being gone and you in this house….”
“All alone,” I finished for him. “Yes, we’ve established that, Mike. Over and over. I may be the only one living in this house, but I’m far from lonely. I appreciate the concern, but it’s time to give it a rest once and for all.”
“All right.” He stepped onto the porch. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you. And next time, tell Candace she doesn’t have to hide in the car.” Over a year now and she still barely looked me in the eye. Made her look guilty, if you asked me.
“She has a slight headache.”
“Right.” Bullshit .
“And you know, it’s a little awkward for her.”
Poor baby . “A little air will be good for her headache, but just be careful not to roll the whole window down. I wouldn’t want her head floating away.” Too high an altitude and her lips might pop.
“What?”
“Never mind.” It was best to just end this conversation now before I said something more. Something that would end up being the very antithesis of mature and gracious.
Perry could be such a bitch sometimes.
At the last minute, I decided to pull over and walk the rest of the way to Miller Park. Why pay twenty bucks to drive into the lot when I could enjoy this beautiful day? Regular exercise was something I needed badly. Another goal: Move my ass more.
I joined the dozens of others doing the same thing, and we strolled up Gen Mitchell, past the creepy cemetery that freaked the shit out of me when I was younger. One of my friends lived across the street, and we used to dare each other to sneak in at night and see who could last the longest. I don’t think I ever fully recovered from that.
I went under the viaduct and across the street into the parking lot. Now, I just had to find Stephen’s truck.
“Jills!” Perry found me first. “You’re even earlier than I thought!”
She ran up in her teeny shorts and frilly tee, looking adorable. I felt a little frumpy in my longer shorts and oversized shirt, but hey, I was comfortable.
“Yeah, Mike stopped by sooner than expected. He walked right in, just like he still owns the place.”
“Asshole.” She grabbed my arm, and we weaved through the smoking grills, ducking under flying footballs. “You really should get those locks changed. Did he have Bubble Lips with him?”
I nodded. “But she stayed in the car.”
“Of course she did. The little skanky other woman should hide her face from you.”
“She’s not the other woman anymore. And we don’t know that she ever was. Suspicions don’t equal fact.” Why the hell was I defending her? Oh, right, because I was the mature and gracious one.
Perry rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Jills. You’re much better off now, anyway.” She squeezed my arm. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I smiled. “Me too.”
We came to our spot, the smell of sizzling burgers and brats making my stomach growl. I hadn’t eaten a thing yet. Stephen was tossing around the bean bag with one of his work buddies, but he stopped to wave and yell out, “Beer, soda, water in the cooler. Food will be done soon.”
“Thanks.” I grabbed myself a beer, and Perry and I sat back in the open hatch. Not a cloud in sight. It really was the perfect day.
A few moments later, Stephen jogged over. “You remember Alex and Chris?” He pointed to a couple guys parked to the side of us.
“Yes, nice to see you again.” I’d become familiar with many of his friends. Stephen was always getting perks through his company: Game tickets, zoo fundraisers, art museums, and so on, and whenever he could, he’d extend the invitations. I’d taken Daniel to a lot of things over the years, compliments of baby brother.
We took a load off for a while, just kicking back and enjoying the sunshine before Perry dragged me to the front of the car. “I gotta tell you what happened last night.”
I eyed her suspiciously. “Wait, do I even want to hear this?” If she was planning on updating me on some freaky new position they’d discovered, I so did not want to hear it.
“I—” Her lids popped wide.
“What?” I looked over my shoulder to see what made her speechless. I had no clue what it was. I waved my hand in front of her face. “What’s going on?”
“Oh. My. God. Is that him?”
“Is that who?”
Oh, shit. I finally spotted the source of her bugged-out gaze. I righted forward, tugging my cap farther down my face. “Okay, let’s just go back. Slowly. Do not make a big deal of this.”
Perry kept staring. “This is making me cracked. I just cannot figure it out. He looks even more familiar in the daylight.”
“Dammit, Perry. Stop it. I’m going back.” He was only two cars down. Way too close for my comfort.
She caught my arm. “No, wait. He’s not going to recognize you anyway with all those clothes on. I just need some more time to trigger my memory.” She tapped her fingertips on her lips. “Holy fuck, do you think he’s stalking you? How romantic.”
“No, I don’t think that, and no, that wouldn’t be romantic. It’d be disturbing.” I clasped her wrist. “Now, come on. He might not recognize me, but he’ll notice you, especially with the way you’re gawking at him.” I did not need this right now. I’d never even considered that I’d run into him again.
“Uh, Jills?”
“Come on,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Hello. Chase, right?”
Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck .
I gave Perry what I hoped was a pissed-off dirty look before turning around. “Hi.”
I wanted to die. Bury myself alive. With the sun shining brightly on his face, he appeared….
Goddammit .
“Oh, look.” Perry pointed at the bottle in his hand. “Spotted Cow. Isn’t that something?”
“Not really,” I said. I was going to kill her.
Chase tilted his head at her but didn’t comment. Then he zeroed back on me. His face was too damned smooth. “I had to come over and check if it was really you. Glad to see you’re not dead after all.” He grinned, convincing me that my first, and definitely last, one-night stand was with a lunatic.
I squinted at him. His eyes looked more gold than green in the sun. Were lunatics always so beautiful? I suppose that’d be an added advantage; they could lure more people in that way.
“Imagine my surprise,” he said, “when I called that number you gave me, and it turned out to be Andersen’s Funeral Home.”
My cheeks blazed. “Ah, sorry about that.” Good thing the mortification distracted me from remembering his hands all over my body. For the most part.
His lips curved, and I was really hoping to see some lines, but I was shit out of luck. “Don’t worry about it.” There was no trace of scorn in his voice, and that made me feel worse. Chase lifted his beer, nodded, and walked away.
Perry’s eyeballs were burrowing into the side of my head. I glanced at her. “What?”
“What? You know very well what. Funeral home? What the hell is that about, Jills?”
I headed back to the safety of the hatch with her tripping over my heels. “I didn’t do that on purpose. I panicked and threw out some number; I didn’t know whose it was.”
“Oh, and he’s the young one?”
I hopped up in the truck and downed half my beer. She was right, I knew. It was stupid and childish, but as I’d mentioned, I panicked.
I took a slow, deep breath. “He asked for my number, and I didn’t want to give him my real one, so I changed the last couple digits. I honestly didn’t think he’d remember it, anyway. I can’t believe he did.”
“Why even play those games? You should have just told him you didn’t want to give it up.”
I watched two little boys tossing around a baseball. Daniel had a shirt just like that once. “I know, but I’ve never done this before, Perry. I didn’t want him to think I was a total tramp. I meet him only an hour before having sex with him? At least it wouldn’t seem as bad if I agreed to see him again. I was a little dazed, not exactly thinking clearly.”
“Why would you care what he thought about you if you never wanted to see him again?”
“I told you—”
“Holy shit!” Perry bounced, shaking the whole back. Then she jumped in front of me. “It didn’t even register at first. He asked for your number after you had sex, not before?”
“Well, yeah. So?” She stared at me like I’d lost it. “I’m sure he was just being polite.”
“Polite? It doesn’t work that way. He’s not going to ask for your number to be polite. And he sure as fuck isn’t going to try calling it to be polite.”
“Okay, maybe not polite, but I already proved I was easy. He probably—”
“Oh. My. God.” She dug her fingernails into my arm. “What if you popped his cherry?”
“What is the matter with you two?” Stephen stepped up in our faces. “There’re kids around.” He zoomed in on Perry more since she was the loud, sweary one. “And who were you talking to?”
“It’s the funniest thing. Remember that guy your sister met last weekend?”
“Perry.” I dropped my head in my hands, still reeling from the virgin comment. “He’s not interested.”
“ That’s the guy you hooked up with?” I peeked up. “What the fuck, Jillian, is he even legal?”
“Of course he is,” I snapped back. Oh God, oh God, oh God . “He’s drinking, isn’t he?”
Stephen rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah. Because underage drinking doesn’t exist.”
“Now, now, darling,” Perry said, in a tone that reminded me of the sickly drinks she liked to suck down. “There are children around.”
“And you think what Jillian’s doing is perfectly fine?”
“Jills can do whatever the hell she wants. She’s a grown woman.”
Stephen threw up his arms. “That’s the fucking problem!”
I felt like a little kid whose parents were taking sides. “Enough, okay? It was a mistake, and it’s over. We shouldn’t even be talking about this right now.”
“Damn right about that. Daniel’s probably older than him.”
I almost passed out on the spot. I hadn’t thought about it in those terms before. I was going to be sick. Thank God I was sitting down because I was positive my legs would have crumbled beneath me.
“But what if it wasn’t a mistake?” Perry said. “Who cares if he’s younger?”
Stephen took off his hat and plowed his hand through his hair. “Perry,” he spoke calmly. “There’s young, and then there’s young . You didn’t grow up with us. You didn’t see what our mother went through. Jillian would never put Daniel through the same thing.”
My brother was just nailing it in harder and harder. Maybe I would end up in that funeral home after all. He wasn’t saying anything incorrect, but that didn’t help me feel any less shitty.
“God, Stephen. Lay off. She’s not marrying the guy. And your parents are not Jills and Chase.”
“There is no me and Chase.”
“He’s cute. He seems nice.” Perry ticked off her fingers. “He’s obviously into your sister. He’s polite, according to Jills.” She smiled at me sweetly. “He plays guitar. He was in a cool band for a night. It’d probably be more often if he weren’t still in school. He’s—”
“Wait, say that again,” I said. Stephen shook his head as he plunged his hand into the icy cooler.
“Which attribute do you want me to repeat?”
“What’s the school thing about? Perry, you promised me you wouldn’t go digging.”
“Probably high school,” my brother said, still shaking his head.
“That’s not even remotely funny, and you know it.”
“Do you see me fucking laughing?”
I crossed my arms. This was getting ridiculous. We were spending an enormous amount of time talking about something that didn’t need to be talked about. What was done was done; I couldn’t go back and change anything.
“I didn’t, Jills. I was drilling Stu when you went to, uh, drill Chase.”
Stephen stalked away. His head was going to spin right off if he didn’t stop moving it that way. “Dammit, Perry.” I uncrossed my arms and pushed my palms against my forehead.
“Sorry. But anyway, I asked Stu a gazillion questions that night. I haven’t talked to him since. I swear. I wanted to know more about the guy you were with. Understandable, right? I didn’t mention this at your mom’s because I didn’t want to freak you out anymore. You were kinda worked up that day.”
She paused, and I wondered what else she could possibly say. And did I even care to hear it at that point?
“So, I found out he’s a good guy; he did save their butts that night. Has something to do with this charity thing… I think. Stu didn’t know him as well as the guy who was having a baby or something.” She twisted her lips. “And hmm… Can’t remember exactly what was said about school, but he’s in one. I’m pretty sure about that. Kinda. I was drinking a little.”
“A little?”
“And when I saw Chase again today… Well, he does look sorta young.”
“Sorta?”
She sighed loudly. “The point is who cares? Stephen is completely exaggerating. I doubt he’s younger than Daniel. You were due a little fun, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Age is just a number, right?”
“No, Perry, it’s not.” My stomach tightened. I couldn’t explain the turmoil going on down there, but this was hitting me hard.
She took one look at me and gave me a big hug. “Oh, Jills, what are you going to do?”
“I’m not going to do anything. It happened. It’s over. I may not be experienced in ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’ams,’ but I think I’m experienced enough to handle this.”
It was one time. Chase is legal. He is definitely not a virgin. And I am never making the same mistake twice.
It was one time.
One. Time.