Chapter Twenty-Five
“A re you ready for dinner?”
His arms were tight around me as I wiggled in his lap. “You’re always hungry.”
“What can I say? I have a voracious appetite.” He nuzzled his jaw against my neck, both tickling and making me squirm.
Another perfect night . We’d been having a lot of those lately. Not every single day with each other, but close. Making spicy meals together, long conversations about music and living the life you love, singing in melody to his guitar, feeling like I’d died and gone to Heaven. I’d never in my life laughed so hard nor came so frequently. Chase was the almost-ideal man. Almost.
It was the last day of August. Soon to be a new month. Soon to be another month, then another. At least when we did break off, it’d be on top. My heart would take a huge blow, but I was strong enough to recover. I was just making it harder for myself by extending our time until the very last moment, but I was willing to take that risk. I felt too good around Chase not to.
He was young and damn near perfect. He’d move on as well, easier than I would. I felt a slight twinge over who would have him next, but I shook it off. I didn’t want to destroy this time while I had him now.
“Do you want to make something with your other secret ingredient?” I asked. He’d brought over a bottle of apple cider vinegar today. Another item from his fajita recipe. I still wasn’t close to having the full thing, but maybe I’d get it as a going-away present.
“We could dye Easter eggs.”
“That’s white vinegar, silly. And we’re seven months early.” My gut tightened. I’d no longer be with him then. I hopped off his lap. God, Jillian, stop being so frickin’ dramatic .
I went into the kitchen. And to think that I almost asked him to temporarily move in with me. For practical reasons, but still. I was concerned about him living in the same house as Trevor after what happened. More freaked out that Chase would do something stupid and have to pay the price for Trevor’s assholeness. But it’d all worked out. Trevor cleared out early, and Chase assured me that everything was good, nothing to worry about anymore. Thank God. If I thought my heart was strained now, what would happen to it if I’d gone to bed with him every night and woke up beside him every morning? It would have snapped back and broken completely.
I opened the fridge, debating if I wanted to take that last Spotted Cow. There was one left from the six-pack he’d given me on our first official non-date. Nah, I’d keep it around for a while yet. I grabbed an Apple Ale instead, taking one for him too.
Chase was right behind me, hugging my waist. I shut the fridge and set the bottles on the counter, then turned to face him. After a long kiss, I asked, “So, what do you have in your goodie bag today?”
He usually brought over the food for our dinners. A variety of this and that. Sometimes he had a plan and sometimes we created something out of a mishmash of ingredients. It was always delicious.
Chase unlocked his arms from me and reached for the paper bag. He peered inside. “Hmm, let’s see. We have red pepper flakes and Roma tomatoes”—he pulled them from the bag and placed them next to the beer—“and some fresh mozzarella. And”—Chase handed me a familiar-looking card—“I found this today underneath the seat.”
“Thanks.” I stuck it on the fridge with a magnet. I thought I’d collected everything from my dumped purse that night, but obviously not. I already knew when and where the party was, so I hadn’t even noticed the missing invitation.
I turned back around to see him looking at me strangely. Did I have something hanging from my nose? I brushed it with my finger. “Uh, something wrong?”
“Were you going to invite me?” he asked softly.
My mouth dropped a little. Out of all the things I imagined had caused his funny look, that was not one of them. Was he for real?
“Chase?” I went over and leaned against the counter with him. “No, I wasn’t. Does that bother you?”
“Yes, Jillian. Of course, it does.”
I shook my head, clearing out some cobwebs. I was trying to make sense of this. An engagement party? Why would he want to go to one of those? It’s almost like inviting him to an actual wedding.
The atmosphere had shifted an entirely new direction. I could feel it in the air, and it made my skin bristle. No, this was not happening. We’d had nothing but harmony since that night at Wengo’s, and the reason why? Because it’d been just the two of us.
“Chase, hasn’t our time together been wonderful these past couple weeks? I don’t want to ruin that. You know the problems start when we’re out around other people. What’s wrong with just keeping it the two of us?”
He sighed and pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. “It’s been amazing, beautiful. I’m not arguing that. But how will we ever get better at going out unless we practice more?” I looked up to his warm smile, filling me with fuzzy feelings. “Let’s try, Jillian.”
“Okay.”
I bounced in my seat, drumming my fingertips on my knee, ready to be sick. What was I thinking? How could I have let him talk me into this? He’d lured me in with promises of grandeur. Made me think we were doing so well we were invincible to handle anything. I’d been delusionally optimistic. Or optimistically delusional. Whichever way you played it, the song remained the same.
This was a mistake.
“Relax, Jillian.” Chase placed his hand on my leg, flattening my nervous tic. “I’m going to be prying you off the roof soon.”
Never mind the fact that we were on our way to an engagement party of approximately fifty people. Never mind the fact that my mom and Frank were going to be there and this was their first time meeting him. Never mind the fact that Stephen would be giving us the eagle eye every thirty seconds. That was all child’s play compared to where we were stopping first.
My mouth reminded me of that powder teachers threw down on the floor to soak up puke. I was scared spitless.
Chase pulled into the short driveway, and I wished I had some of that powder handy right then. He would not be too happy at the mess I was about to leave on his floor mat.
“Ready?” he asked.
“No.”
He laughed. “It’ll be fine. Honest. They’re great people and won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.”
“Too late.”
Chase got out of the car and came around to my side, trying to help me up. Like I didn’t know how to get out of a car. I’d been doing it longer than him. I just didn’t want to.
“Jillian, please. It’s not a big deal. Trust me.”
“Fine.” I stood and smoothed down my sleeveless cocktail dress. I’d ventured into the fancy side of my closet today. I forced myself to ease up. For a mature woman, I was sure acting like a bratty toddler. “Sorry, Chase. I’m just really, really nervous.”
“Good thing you hide it well.” I narrowed my eyes at him, and he laughed again. “Come on.” He wrapped an arm around my waist and walked beside me as I clicked my way to the front door. Why had I worn such high heels? Did I look too street-walkerish? “You look beautiful,” he said as if reading my mind, brushing his lips over mine.
His mother was forty-three. Forty-three . Why couldn’t she have had him later in life, say at forty? I would have been much better with sixty-six. Or even in the fifties range, like Chase’s father. I could have worked with that. But only five years older than me? Talk about a panic attack. I was well on my way to having one.
The door opened, and I found myself staring at two very attractive people. Of course, what else would I expect? My stomach started twisting into painful knots at the thought of going inside. I put on a happy smile, though. Go, me.
“Mom, Dad, this is Jillian. Jillian, my parents, Colleen and Ray.”
“Nice to meet you.”
After the social niceties were over, Chase went to help his dad move some furniture into the basement to prepare for their new delivery, which was the whole reason he’d asked to stop there in the first place. He’d already planned to help that weekend, and they lived near the hall where the party was being held. So we left a little early. Boom. Perfect.
Yes, perfect. I was sitting there with his mother on the living room couch, just the two of us, and I was at a complete loss. This woman could have been my best friend, but instead, she’d given birth to a guy I wanted naked all the time. That wasn’t a good conversation starter.
“So, Jillian. Chase tells me you’re headed to your brother’s engagement party. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Chase had her eyes; that was obvious, although she had flecks of blue instead of gold. At any rate, they were kind. It didn’t look like she wanted to grab a pitchfork and chase me through the woods thinking I was her son’s predator. “We love the woman he’s marrying, so we’re all very happy about it.”
She talked about family and a little about business, never asking anything too personal and completely avoiding questions about Chase and me as a couple. I wondered if that was premeditated. Chase had probably briefed her on the safe topics. Whatever the reason, I was relieved and thankful. Especially since my age was never brought to light, and it wasn’t like we were sitting there in the dark wearing sunglasses. She knew very well that I was much older than her son, but she never treated me that way.
My stress level dropped to the negative digits. I no longer cared how long it was taking Chase. We still had plenty of time before the party started, and he was right. It was fine.
She must have noticed me eying a pretty photo album sitting on the coffee table because she said, “Would you like to take a look?”
“Oh, I don’t want to pry.” I was looking at the yellow and pink gardenias on the cover, not suggesting that she show me private photos. But then, if they were private, she probably wouldn’t have it sitting out to begin with.
“Not at all,” she said, handing me the album. “You can see how adorable Chase was when he was little.” I smiled. There was no doubt he was a beautiful child.
I flipped through, those warm fuzzies flooding me again. Chase with a baseball mitt, riding his bike, holding a lamb at the petting zoo. “His first guitar?” My heart squeezed. He was holding a Les Paul Junior.
She nodded. “He was about ten, I think. Our neighbor at the time had a barely used one, and Chase worked for months to buy that thing. Washed cars, did yard work, whatever he could.”
There were more and more shots taken at and around the hospital the further I paged through. “Chase told me you were a patient there sometimes, and he’d sit with you in the room. I hope you’re doing well now?”
Her smile was reassuring. “Oh, yes. I’m doing wonderfully now, but it was touch and go for a while. Did Chase explain why?” I nodded, hoping he hadn’t betrayed her privacy. “I was the sick one, but he’s the one who suffered. I was laid up in that hospital room more than sometimes, Jillian. If I added it up, Chase lost years of his childhood being there with me. It forced him to grow up way too fast, but he never complained. I don’t know what I did right to deserve a child like him, but….”
My heart started pounding again. Her eyes were misting up, and I thought she’d start crying any minute. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I gave her a hug. It must have been the right thing because she came back smiling.
“Don’t mind me,” she said, “I get a little emotional when I think back to those days.” Nice one, Jillian . If I hadn’t looked at that photo album… “Do you know I was advised against having him?” I shook my head. “My heart was too weak. I was told if I went through with the pregnancy and birth, I was basically signing my own death warrant. But I knew it’d work out. I had age on my side. Being a young mother had its advantages. I doubt my body would’ve been strong enough if I’d waited to have a child later in life. My only regret is relapsing so often as he grew.”
“From what I know of Chase, he turned out pretty well regardless. He’s one of the most honest and caring people I know.”
Her grin was wide. “I agree, but thank you kindly for saying so.”
“Ready?”
I whipped my head back to see Chase standing there. I hadn’t heard him come up. He held out his hand, and I took it.
“Ready,” I said.