Chapter 5
Brothers
Sammy
“Can I still spend the night in your room tonight?” my little brother, Elijah, asks as I finish coloring the last page in my coloring book.
I need to ask Mom for another one. She keeps them for me to have. I’ve been having visions all day. Today I’m overwhelmed by them, so I’ve been coloring and trying to focus.
I don’t have the weight and comfort of my vest and knives. They were taken from me. I outgrew the jacket Uncle Micheal first gave me when I was little. I have vests now.
My nanny is afraid of my knives, so she locked my vests and knives away.
However, she was called home for an emergency and left without giving them back. I haven’t told Mom because she’s going to fire her. I’ve seen it.
Miss Philps is a nice lady. She doesn’t get that what she did was wrong. She thinks she’s doing the right thing.
“Yeah, you can spend the night, but I’m having a bad day. I don’t know if I’ll sleep anytime soon,” I say to Elijah.
“That’s okay. Can I help you? Do you want to do a puzzle together or play chess?”
I smile. Elijah is only six, but he will be an amazing chess player. I started to teach him when he was three. I got a brand-new chess set from my first mom as a birthday gift. She left it for Dad and Mo-mo to give to me.
I never needed lessons. I just know how to play. Uncle Micheal and Auntie Sim have helped me to get better.
However, Uncle Logan, Uncle Brooklyn, and my dad are my greatest opponents. I have tied with both Dad and Uncle Brooklyn for wins.
I have yet to beat Uncle Logan. I will someday; I’ve seen it. The problem is, Uncle Logan has figured out that I can see his next move before he makes it. I get the feeling he intentionally makes up his mind for his next move at the last minute, so I can’t counter him.
“I will play chess with you, and yes, you can sleep on the top bunk,” I say before he can ask.
“Cool, I’m going to put on my pajamas. Do you want to meet back here or in your room?”
“You can come to my room. I’m going to find Mom and ask for another coloring book. Then I will take my bath and put on my pajamas.”
“Okay, do you want me to bring some fruit for snacks?”
“I have my snacks in my fridge.”
“Oh, right. I will bring my own, so you don’t have to share your things.”
My siblings like sweets and things I don’t eat. Mom has placed a fridge in my room, so I don’t get upset with them for eating my stuff. I smile at Elijah.
“If there are no more grapes or strawberries, I will have some for you. I’ll see you in a little while.
Don’t forget to brush your teeth and clean your butt.
No one wants to smell your BO. I’m not going to change my mind.
You don’t have to rush,” I warn, already seeing in my mind’s eye that he’s going to rush through getting ready for bed in his excitement and make me mad after.
“Okay, promise.” He goes to leave but turns and flings himself around me in a tight hug. “I love you, Sammy.”
“I love you too.”
***
I go to Mom and Dad’s room and go to knock. However, as I lift my hand, I find myself standing in the hall of our old house. I can hear my first mom sobbing inside.
The view shifts and I’m standing in the room with her. She’s sitting at her desk writing letters. When she looks up, I feel like she’s looking right at me. She smiles and wipes at her tears.
Then she returns to the letter she was writing. I can see the date and the name at the bottom. It’s for me. I glance at the other letters stacked on the desk and see one with my dad’s name on it.
I turn to see what else I find, but when I turn, I’m no longer in the room from the past or the hall from the present. Instead, I’m standing in a home. Something about it feels like it’s my home.
I look around and find my brothers, Elijah, Paulie, and Sunny. Inzo and Nori Donati are with them as well as the O’Brien cousins, Mikhail and Kirill Krupin and two others whose faces I can’t see. I look down at my clothes and I’m in a suit.
One like Uncle Uri’s. When I lift my head, I note the faceless guy has on a similar suit to mine. There are three other figures who are glitching.
“Sammy.”
I turn to find Jordan Black with a smile on her face. She rushes to me to give me a hug, then takes a step back. I can’t help smiling back at my little friend, but she’s not looking at me anymore. She’s smiling at the faceless guy.
My attention is pulled, and I move to the mirror on the wall. When I look into it, I see my father’s face, but it’s not him. I think … It’s me.
I’m dressed in a suit, but now I’m soaked in blood. I lift my hands and look down at them. There’s so much blood covering them I can’t see my own skin. Looking back at the mirror, my face and body are soaked in blood as well.
I know it’s not mine. I can feel it. However, I also know I did what needed to be done.
Five female figures step up on either side of me, but they too are faceless. I’m drawn to my right, something about her presence brings me peace and keeps me from spiraling as the fact that I’m covered in blood sinks in.
I can’t see her smile, but I can feel it. I turn to my left and Jordan Black and Ksenia Krupin now stand with the two other faceless women. As I look at them, I feel protective, as if I always need to make sure they’re okay.
“Sammy.” I turn and find my sisters.
I knit my brows. They are standing there watching me. Megan’s eyes are wide, but Jessica has a knowing smile on her lips. I home in on Megan’s face and begin to feel like a monster as she looks back at me.
“Sammy,” Jess calls again.
I look to her. She’s holding out a piece of paper toward me. I take it and look down at the numbers she has written on it.
“Five thirty-one,” I murmur the numbers aloud.
“Sammy?”
I blink and start to hum. I’m back in the present. Mom is standing in the doorway smiling back at me.
“What’s going on, honey? Do you need something?” Mom says with that gentleness and understanding I’ve come to love her for.
I move forward and wrap my arms around her. She returns my embrace and holds me tight. Everything quiets down and I’m able to process some of what I saw.
I push aside the things I’m confused about. I will deal with them later. Mom kisses the top of my head. I can’t reconcile the monster in my vision with the person she’s raising me to be.
Mo-mo is love. Every day, she gives us all nothing but love. I want that when I get older, but how can I be the man I saw and a man worthy of my own Mo-mo?
My heart breaks. I know for sure I will be that man. There are things in my visions that I know are inevitable and others I know will change. I will never change who that man is.
I can only hope he wasn’t me and is my dad. I squeeze Mom tighter and inhale her scent. My racing heart slows down, and I start to feel grounded once again.
“Talk to me, Sammy. Use your words and tell me what’s going on.”
I take a step back. “I’m fine. I need a new coloring book. I finished the last one.”
“Sure, come with me. We’ll get out a new one. Do you want me to come sit with you to sharpen your crayons and colored pencils?”
“No, I will ask Elijah to help. I’m going to play with him before bed.”
Mom gives me a warm smile and runs a hand over my hair before she cups my face. She has love in her eyes as she looks back at me. It makes me feel safe.
“You are such a good big brother. Elijah loves hanging out with you. I know you are having a day. I can make him take a rain check if you need. He will understand.”
“No, he will understand, but his feelings will be hurt. I don’t want that. He only wants to help. I’ll be fine.” I giggle. “He has washed himself red to hang out with me.”
Mom gives me a look and then a smile. “Oh my God, Sammy. Don’t give your brother a complex. That was one time. I’ve been teaching him to wipe and wash thoroughly after a BM,” she gasps.
“I know, Mom, but he gets excited and forgets.”
“He’s still a baby,” she says and frowns.
“If he wants to hang with the big kids, he has to clean his butt like one.”
Mom bursts into laughter. She’s so pretty when she does that. I can see why Dad loves her. The light surrounding her says it all. She’s good at the core.
“Here, take this. I’m not messing with you tonight. I’ll be in to check on you two later. Have fun.”
“I thought I heard you two,” Dad says as he appears and wraps his arms around Mom.
Before I can walk away, I’m pushed into the future and I’m standing the same way with a woman in my arms. I can feel both of our happiness as I hold her. She turns to look up at me, but I can’t see her face. I look around and we’re in a different home.
Not the one from the earlier vision. I nod and back out of the vision. Today has been a lot. Some time with my little brother will make me feel normal … I hope.