Chapter 12
In Awe of Him
Tasha
My head is spinning as I stand in the kitchen with my girls. I’ve been sharing with them what Sammy shared with me and LaSalle, trying to wrap my head around it. LaSalle and I agreed we want our circle to have at least the basics to help Sammy cope when they’re around him.
Some of the women are with the kids, helping with the party while we’re all in here. Val, Pam, Dean, DJ, and Roni are here as I talk out loud to myself while I sort through my feelings. I trust them all.
“Wow, that’s a lot,” Roni breathes as I take a pause in my thoughts.
I hate this. I don’t know how to feel about any of it. It’s like our world is hell-bent on taking my baby’s innocence from him.
However, as Sammy’s words play in my head, I don’t hear the innocent child I’ve come to know and love. I hear LaSalle’s son.
They will come for what’s mine and I will show them who I am.
I rub the back of my neck and sigh. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all the things Sammy has told us about his gift. Val is sitting across from me with her mouth hanging open.
“Let me get this straight. He’s always in the past, present, and future?”
“Yes, for the most part. He says it’s like watching movies of everyone’s life. Only he can change the channel to see alternate outcomes if he wants, but he’s also in his body living in the moment.
“Really important things pull his focus. Those seem to be the times when he can’t give us his focus,” I reply, not believing or understanding how any of my words are possible even as they come out of my own mouth.
“Do you even understand the type of badass motherfucker he’s going to be?” Dean says. “My uncle would have loved to be his mentor.”
I snort. I have always known Sammy is going to be no joke when he’s a grown man. I already see my husband in him.
Dean is only speaking my own thoughts at the moment, or should I say, Danika. It’s funny how we all know her real name but continue to use Dean to cover her real identity.
It just goes to show how close we all are and how deep our world runs. Everyone has an understanding of who we are and the levels to this.
Some things are just an unspoken fact. Camille and Paige have told me time and again that they know Ellen would never have been able to fill the shoes I now stand in. From the time I spent with her, I know they’re telling the truth.
I shake my head at Dean. “I’m still processing. I will tell you this though I will walk a motherfucker down over my children.
“Play with me if you want. Especially when it comes to that boy. However, I know this time I’m going to have to back off and just be his support.
“I think that’s what I’m struggling with most. To know someone plans to come for him but to not be proactive to take their fucking heads off is killing me.
“I want to dig for answers so bad and make sure he’s never soaked in blood like he says he will be,” I say as tears burn my eyes.
The protective mother in me is struggling with this. I’m ready for war over mine. Then there is the therapist in me who wants to hand my son all the tools he needs to be independent so he can become his own man someday.
“Girl, if this is what he has to do, he will be ready. There isn’t nann one of us in that baby’s life who’s going to leave him unprepared. Let them come. My nephew will paint the walls with their blood and stand on their bones,” Dean says as if in promise.
“Facts,” Val sings. “And I’ll teach him how to make a wallet out of their skin.”
I point at her. “I’m going to have a talk with you, Misha, and your little family of psychos. I’m drawing the line with the souvenirs.”
“You can’t be serious. You do know your husband is a collector and has gilded boxes made for his collection,” Roni deadpans.
“Like, the man sends people pieces of their family members as warnings,” Val says.
“I’m going to talk to him too. God, what’s wrong with you people?” I groan while trying to hide my smile.
“Whatever,” Roni, Val, and Dean say in unison.
“I’m here for whatever he needs. You know Mum is down to teach him. He should train with all of us,” DJ says.
I look at the women I’ve come to know as my sisters. I know they all would go to war for Sammy just as I would. That’s something I know LaSalle and I will never have to worry about.
“Hold on. I want to go back to that baby being a little Dr. Strange on his way to becoming John Wick. Is that what you’re telling me?” Pam says incredulously.
I can’t help but laugh as the others snicker with me. I will forever be grateful for Pam and her ability to read a room and shift the atmosphere. Her words cut through the tension in the air and lighten the mood instantly.
“There she is,” Ronan croons to his son in his arms.
I swear Dean had nothing to do with that boy. He looks like Ronan spit him out and asked her to be his mother after. If not for the tan to his skin, you wouldn’t think Dean had anything to do with him other than that red hair that he could have gotten from his father as much as his mother.
He definitely got some of both their tempers. That little boy knows how to throw a fit when he’s pissed. That is as long as his parents aren’t around. If Ronan or Dean are in the room, he would never.
I love the little snicker though. Danny is adorable with the cutest smile ever. I can’t blame the two for trying for another. They make gorgeous babies, and Ronan loves Dean and Danny something fierce.
Touch that woman or his son and he turns into a straight demon. Cass has a soft spot for her little nephew too. If he can’t get his way, Auntie Cass is the first person he goes running to.
“What’s up? You two okay?” Dean asks as she turns to find her husband and son looking for her.
“I’m trying to figure out where all these kids came from. Ach, I feel like I run into at least two every time I turn around. I don’t trust this one to stay out of trouble if I don’t have my eyes on him.
“I need to go to the jacks. Can you take him for a minute?” Ronan says.
“Give me my little man,” I coo and round the kitchen island to take Danny from his hold. “Hey, handsome. I’ve missed you. They sent you to Ireland, away from me. How could they?”
I pout as I give him a squeeze. He cups my face with his little hands and kisses my nose. See, a sweetheart when he wants to be.
I know Laoise spoiled the mess out of him while she had him in Ireland. He spent a month and a half with his grandma and grandpa. It only took a week before Dean and Ronan followed to be there with him.
“Mo-mo,” he squeals and nuzzles my cheek with his cute little nose.
Okay, he did get Dean’s nose, but it pretty much ends there. I don’t miss that his mother disappears at his father’s side as I hold him in my arms. I shake my head, knowing I’m not going to see my girl for a bit.
We all do it. If there’s a moment we can steal, we take it. We all trust each other and understand.
The girls and I get lost in talk about the kids and our plans for the week. Some of our out-of-town guests will be around for a few extra days, so we make plans to have a couple of outings with them before they’re gone. I stand rocking and swaying with Danny in my arms the entire time.
My heart pings as it’s not lost on me that Lucia would be a little younger than him. Quickly, I change my line of thinking, not wanting to bring the mood down. It’s just that the ache is never ending.
It’s like sending your child off to school and not getting to say goodbye or have a nice day. Then you sit for the whole day waiting for them to come through the door so you can hold them and make it right. However, I will never get that opportunity with her.
Shaking my thoughts off, a smile comes to my lips as the adults outside release a loud cheer as the music playing changes to R&B. The girls and I look at each other curiously. With Danny on my hip and his head on my shoulder, I head out back to see what’s going on.
Val and Pam are right beside me. “New Flame” by Chris Brown and Usher is blaring from the speakers. Dancing in the center of our huge deck is Joe Black, holding Cass close while Noah and Bean are a few paces away.
“Oww, get it, Joe,” Pam sings as Joe starts to sway and snake his body as he guides Cass to move with him while he two-steps.
Not to be outdone by his parents, Noah spins a pregnant Bean out and pulls her back in with her back to his front, doing a two-step of his own.
I can’t help smiling from ear to ear. I look around and smile wider. These are my people.
I couldn’t ask for better friends and family. With Danny still in my arms, I find my husband holding our two-year-old and dance over to him.
Placing the kids on their feet, we join in on the fun. LaSalle pulls me to him and starts his own two-step. I lift a brow and bite my lip.
That’s my man.
Dean
“Has LaSalle mentioned anything about Sammy?” I ask as Ronan steps back out of the bathroom after relieving himself.
“Aye, the lads are discussing his gift and how to help him. The lad is something else.”
“I want to help him.”
He wraps his arms around me and starts to back me toward one of the guest rooms in Tasha and LaSalle’s home. Having a two-year-old has been interesting lately. Danny is the world’s biggest cockblocker.
There are children who come running when they hear you open a snack. Then there is our son. Danny comes running the moment Ronan takes a kiss further than a peck.
Even while in Ireland, we couldn’t find a moment to ourselves. Not that Laoise and Cianán didn’t try to give us time alone. Danny just wasn’t having it.
We came home two weeks before Danny to get some time together, but work has had our attention. I’ve been so horny the last three days, but whenever my husband gets ready to beat the brakes off this pussy, here comes our little brat. I love my son something fierce, but damn. Can we have a minute?
And to think, I really want another baby. I don’t know how I’m going to get one like this and neither of us are getting any younger.
“Aye, we will, but for now, I need ya to help me.”
“And how can I do that, Mr. McGowan?”