Chapter 31
Love of a Son
Tasha
Two months later …
It’s been two months since that ambush against Sammy happened and I’m still in awe of him. The entire scene has been playing over and over in my head. I can’t close my eyes at night without seeing every detail play in my mind.
I’m also terrified to allow my children out of my sight. Danger has surrounded our family from day one, but it has hit different now as it has targeted my baby directly.
I want answers. I need them, but LaSalle is keeping this one close to the chest. He normally tells me everything, but when he didn’t tell me what was going on with Misha that first night, he never got around to telling me at all.
Not that I haven’t asked. He keeps telling me he doesn’t think it’s his place to tell me. That I should just trust him.
I don’t just want a vacation; we need one. It’s like the kids have been acting out because of my emotions. My home has fallen into chaos, and I’ve had enough.
“What are you doing in here? Are you all right?” LaSalle asks as he finds me in our bedroom, sitting in the middle of the floor, staring off into space.
I look up at him and blink. I only came in here to breathe for a moment and think. I don’t know how I got down here.
“No, I don’t think I am,” I murmur.
He turns to close the doors before he comes to sit down behind me, placing me between his legs. He then wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.
We sit silently for a moment as he breathes me in while rocking me gently and offering me his strength. I close my eyes and fall into the comfort of his arms. He kisses the side of my neck and gives me a squeeze.
After a beat, he murmurs into my ear. “Do you remember what you told me a few months ago?”
“No,” I reply and shake my head.
“You told me you are always here for me, that you would always have my back.
“That you are where I’m safe to rest my head. You told me to come to you for my peace, and you would give me all I need. You said you would find the strength with me when my head feels too heavy to carry on.”
“Oh, yeah, I remember now.”
“Baby, I love you so much and I want you to know I am your peace. I’m where you can rest your head and find strength. This isn’t a one-way street.
“I’ve been watching you and see the struggle you’ve been trying to handle on your own. There is a lot going on. Trust me, I know, but you know how I know you were made to be by my side?”
“No.”
“Because you give as much as I do, if not more. As the Alliance follows me, the Bellas follow you. You know every one of your soldiers and what they need.
“If they need help, you’re the first one to hand it to them. If I named them one by one, you could tell me their plight right now. You watch, you listen, and then you give.
“If I don’t, who will? They’re more than my soldiers. They have become my friends. My family, my sisters,” I murmur.
“This I know. Each day you’re pouring into everyone, including our children, as much as I pour into the men looking to me for answers.
“It’s okay not to be okay. I want you to come to me and say, ‘Babe, I’ve reached my limit, and I need to recharge.’ That way, I can drop everything and cater to you.
“Finding you like this breaks my heart because it feels like you don’t trust you can come to me with your burdens. It’s like I’m taking and taking and you’re not receiving anything in return. That’s not the marriage either of us signed up for.
“Baby, what do you need? How can I make this better? Ask and it’s yours,” he says into my ear.
“I need a break. It’s never-ending: The worry, the attacks, always standing in the gap for everyone around us. I’m not saying I can’t or don’t want to do it. It’s just that since this all began, I haven’t been able to stop and breathe,” I say.
There, I said it out loud. I believe I’m as exhausted as he has been. Seeing our child have to fight for his life. Knowing this will be his future and possibly the future of my other boys, I’ve reached a point where I need to stop and be human for just a moment.
“Then we take a break. Logan and Czar can handle things in my absence. You and our family are most important to me.
“Since they can’t seem to agree on where we should go for more than five seconds, you and I will decide. In a few weeks, we will all board a plane and get away to breathe. Two weeks as a family and then you and I will take two weeks to ourselves. How does that sound?”
“Can we really do that right now? Is it safe to let our guards down?”
“My guard is never down. Tasha, baby, listen. It’s what you need, so it’s what we’ll do. Let me worry about everything else. Get the passports ready and pack your bags. You are my priority.”
“LaSalle?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, baby. I will always cover you. I’m here for everything you need.”
We sit quietly for a while more. I savor the feel of him wrapped around me. His embrace goes a long way to pull me back in.
A knock comes at the bedroom door. I take in a deep breath, knowing I need to get back to my children. The nannies are probably ready to put in notice.
“You stay here. I’ve got it.”
“Mom,” Sammy calls through the door.
“No, I’ll get it.”
I sigh and pull out of LaSalle’s embrace to head to the door. When I crack it open, big gray eyes are staring back at me. My handsome boy looks back at me with so much concern.
“Hey, Sammy, what’s up?”
He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. I return the embrace, not sure what’s happening.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“It will be. You should get dressed. I’m paying for you to have a spa day.
“Then tonight, you and Dad can have dinner on me. I already called the grandparents to ask if we could all sleep over. Maldonado will take us in the SUV. I promise not to come back tonight,” he says.
“What?”
“What’s going on, son?” Lasalle asks as he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist from behind.
“You and Mom can take tonight to plan the family trip. You both need a break. I will pay for it because all your stress and worries are because of me.”
“Sammy—”
“No, Mom. It is because of me. You have other things going on, but I’m on your mind most of the time.
“Let me do this. I promise you it will be worth it.”
I release a heavy breath and pull this sweet child into me. He’s not wrong, but he’s not entirely right either. Sammy is on my mind most of the time, but there is so much more going on. However, the sincerity in his voice melts my heart.
“Thank you. I appreciate you, honey, but I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“You’re my mom. We need you. You and Dad are doing your best.
“I’m only doing what you would do for all of us. If you are empty, there will be no one to fill us up when we need it. I love you guys.”
“We love you too,” I choke out.
“Come take a walk with me, son. We’ll let your mother get ready.”
“Okay. Have fun, Mom. Try to relax,” Sammy says with a smile as he hugs me one more time before he leaves.
I’m left standing once again in awe of our son. Where did our baby go? As I look after him and my husband, I begin to find my strength again. They need me.
LaSalle
I’m so proud of my son. He is earning more and more of my respect each day. I respect the man I’m watching him grow into.
His mind works so differently from everyone else’s.
There is a deeper level of thought and compassion to his actions.
I’m beginning to understand that not only does Sammy see the future, but he has a heart to change the things in his power to.
If it’s going to hurt someone he cares about, he’s going to intervene.
I can’t help thinking back to that night when he told me he saved that guy for me because he knew I would need it.
“Did I do something wrong, Dad?”
I come out of my thoughts and look down at my son. He’s getting so tall, and he looks so much like me. I smile and turn to fully face him, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“No, you have done nothing wrong, Sammy. I’m very proud of you. You’re growing up to be such a good man.”
He gives me a smile. “Thanks, Dad. I’m only following in your footsteps.”
I chuckle. “No, I think you will be far greater than me. What you just did for your mother … that was … she needed that and I’m proud of you for thinking of her and how to pour back into her.
“You are smart, brave, and thoughtful. I don’t ever want you to change who you are. When you are you, you are at your best,” I say as he gives me his eyes.
I remember there was a time when that was so hard for him. Over the years, he’s been able to connect with me more. I have a special bond with this son. Not that I don’t love them all.
My relationship with Sammy is a bit different. Not because of his birth mother or because of his place on the spectrum. To be honest, Tasha and I are starting to believe many of his behaviors have formed as a result of his gift.
My son has never fit neatly into any box. Either way, we are here to support and love him. However, I won’t say that our connection has nothing to do with his gift.
I believe what he sees has caused a deeper bond between us because he seeks me out to lighten my load when he can. Just the other day, I had been about to forget my favorite fountain pen. I had meetings all day and a ton of contracts to sign.
I would have been highly annoyed had I left the pen behind in my rush. However, there my boy was in his pajamas, standing in the foyer, holding my pen up for me to see. I smiled and took the pen from his hand.
“Thank you,” I said before ruffling his hair.
“You’re welcome. You would have been angry once you noticed you forgot it. I’m happy I saw it and was able to prevent your annoyance for the day.” He had smiled.
In that moment, I had thought of how he’s always trying to keep me levelheaded. If he can keep me from being angry, he will. Sammy is always mindful of my and Tasha’s moods.
“Thank you, Dad,” Sammy says, bringing me back from my thoughts. “I will remember that. I am best when I am me. I like that.”
“Would you like to play your video games?”
“Do you mean with you?”
“Yes. I’d like to play with you. Is that okay?”
“Yes, sir. I would like that very much. You will miss me, and I will miss you. I think this will be good.”
“Miss you?” I question.
He sighs. “I shouldn’t have said that. Never mind.”
“Sammy,” I drag out in warning.
“Father. This is one of those times to let it go. I will be fine. If I elaborate, you will only get in my way. Forget I said anything.”
I sigh and shake my head. “Come, son. Let’s go play.”
“Oh God,” he groans and rolls his eyes. “Just so you know, Paulie is going to lie on me because he wants you to play with him instead. I didn’t do anything.”
I laugh. “Want to teach him a lesson?”
His eyes go distant for a moment. I give him time as I realize he’s seeing what I plan. Then a smile comes to his lips as his eyes light up. “That’s going to be funny. Yeah, come on.”
I pat him on the back as we both walk on, laughing. Paulie is going to learn one of these days. I plan to turn his lies on him, but I’d never harm him.
Well, his little feelings might get hurt, but the lying is going to stop one way or another. I don’t like it and he’s going to learn I mean what I say. Locatellis don’t lie.